Today I read at the Grok.com blog about a column by Joel Stein of the LA Times (read it here.)
There were a lot of comments about whether Joel was being arrogant, stupid, publicity-seeking, or using reverse psychology.
But there was interesting comment near the end of Joel’s column- I’ll just reproduce what I wrote on Grok.com’s blog here:
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A lot of the comments I think are right on- and there was one piece in his column that I thought was interesting, and deserves some thought:
“And maybe on this site, one brave person will write about how I’m right to stand up against this world of false, easy community”
If we think about ourselves as bloggers/forum facilitators/people in the world, and think about Joel as the customer instead of the business person/columnist/whatever- I think there is some valuable feedback- and this sentence I believe hits the core of it.
There is an incredible ease to blogging and replying to blogs (once you get over your fear of public ‘speaking’ so to speak). There are no dues to pay- you just show up and start speaking.
One part of successful community has to do with ease of connection- but another part of community has to do with who is ‘in’ versus who is ‘out’- a question of identity. Without identity, there can be no belonging, and without belonging, there is no intimacy- no connection, no depth.
M. Scott Peck wrote the book ‘A Different Drum” about community-building- and the kind of easy connections on the internet seem to fall into ‘false community’ where everyone is rah-rah or being nice- or chaos- where there is a lot of flaming- belligerence, attacking.
But the instances of true connection and community are rare.
I know this is a business blog I’m commenting on- and I also know that people, including our customers, are longing for true connection. So, what I take from his column is something deeper- that people are longing for true community, and don’t think that this easy internet banter back and forth is really capable of meeting those deeper human needs of connection- and a flurry of email and blog comments that someone with his visibility would take up a lot of his personal space- and perhaps he’s worried that it won’t really contribute to his own personal needs.
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Thoughts? Has the internet made superficial connection ‘too easy’ and are we still thirsting for deeper connection? Or is deeper connection possible through the internet?
8 Responses
Hi Mark,
Regarding your last paragraph here, I would say yes and yes. I think it is both easy to have superficial contact, and the potential is there for awfully deep contact, which I, thankfully, have experienced. Really the same as in-person conversation. It can be superficial or wonderfully meaningful.
Thanks for all you do.
Be well,
Stuart Baker
http://www.consciouscooperation.com
Thanks, Stuart- I think you’re right, that true contact IS possible. But, it does take a certain presence and mindfulness to bring that connection to fruition.
Mark —
First of all, thanks for pointing me towards Joel Stein’s article and the comments at Grok.com. Very entertaining!
My response to your questions: sort of and yes.
I say ‘sort of’ because I’m not so sure that people are really thirsting for more connection all the time or in the same ways.
Speaking for myself, I’d say *most* of the time I’d like more connection in my life, yes, and more meaningful conversations — not because connection and meaning are lacking in my life, but because I find connection and meaning to be nurturing and enjoyable (kind of like chocolate, I always have room for more!).
“Is deeper connection possible through the internet?” In my experience, deep connection and community happen naturally when respect, authenticity and trust are present, regardless of the technology involved.
People can and do connect in very deep and meaningful ways — and in shallow and superficial ways — using all kinds of methods and technology. It just depends on how much you’re willing to give and receive.
I remember hearing a Vietnam vet who’d been a POW once say that for years, the only connection he had with other POW’s was by tapping on the walls of his cell. He spoke very movingly about the connection and brotherhood that he still felt for them, almost 50 years after the fact.
Are you and I tapping on our keyboards so different from those POW’s tapping on the walls of their cells? I can tell you for certain that I will remember you and celebrate the difference you’ve made in my life 50 years from now.
Most of the time, I’m amazed and inspired by the acceptance, respect and authenticity that I’ve found online, either in the community that’s growing around my own business or around other people’s. I feel part of a very real community that primarily exists on a ‘virtual’ plane.
Kind words, thanks, Kathy! And, you’re welcome. 🙂 I like a lot of what the Eisenberg brothers have to say over at Grok.com
I absolutely agree- it’s an interesting topic. Many people were making comments about Joel in the role of ‘columnist’ or ‘businessperson’ or ‘marketer’ so-to-speak, and that he was either posing, being arrogant, or being dumb at avoiding the comments from people.
I just thought it was interesting to look at how folks who feel like they are ‘outside’ – such as Joel- might look at the way bloggers, and other online folks talk about ‘community’ and scoff at it. And, here I’m purely guessing- that he thinks he’s not going to get the connection, clarity, and etc from that kind of online easy feedback.
Actually, I got the impression from reading Joel’s article that he simply doesn’t care to know what people think about what he writes. I didn’t get that he was scoffing at community, per se. He just isn’t interested in inviting a dialog around his column.
To quote him, “Not everything should be interactive. A piece of work that stands on its own, without explanation or defense, takes on its own power.”
I remember my mom telling me years ago about a conversation she had with a potential customer. My mom was an artist who eventually became pretty well-known, but back in “the day”, she, like many other artists, would sometimes participate in those artist-at-work kind of exhibits that you sometimes see at the mall.
One day, she was hard at work on a painting of a rose, when a guy walked up and started watching her paint. After a few minutes, he commented that his wife was redecorating the living room and that she’d probably like the painting, and he asked my mom how much. She quoted him a price, and he replied, “I’ll take one — but make blue so it matches the living room.”
To make a long story short, my mom not only didn’t sell the painting to him (roses don’t come in blue, and my mom was kind of particular about that kind of thing), but she refused to work in front of people after that. In fact, it was like pulling teeth to get her to go to her own art exhibits — she said she just didn’t want to talk with people about her paintings. Either they liked them, or they didn’t. As far as she was concerned, her paintings could speak for themselves, and it really wasn’t any of her business what other people thought of them.
Looking back, I’d have to say she seemed much happier about painting after that.
He did say that, and he may not be interested in hearing from people- but I guess I was picking up on what I thought was a deeper, maybe subconcious issue about ‘easy community.’
We only want feedback from people we can trust. Who can we trust? How do we trust their feedback? How do we take their feedback?
I also think there is a radical difference between an artist who wants to make a living at their art, and one who isn’t particularly attached to that. If someone wants to make a living as an artist, or as any kind of business person, then they need to listen to their customers. If they just want to express what’s in their heart, of course they don’t need to listen to anybody- and probably shouldn’t.
Joel’s customers are his editors- the ones who hire or fire him. From a business point of view, that’s who he needs to pay attention to and take care of.
However, the editor’s ‘customers’ are the readers…
Hello Mark,
I have followed your work for awhile, and although ‘in person community’ has it’s advantages (there is nothing like a heart-felt hug or a chat over a cup of tea) developing and maintaining community through blogging and internet connection is possible. It requires a willing and authentic heart ready to take the time to nurture and foster community. I agree with Kathy M.
“In my experience, deep connection and community happen naturally when respect, authenticity and trust are present, regardless of the technology involved.”
To expand the ability of the everyday ordinary person who longs for a conscious consciousness community and a safe place to share and laugh and develop a greater sense of truly knowing us, my friend, Heather, and I have added videoblogging to our site. This has added an even deeper opportunity for connection.
Mark, your podcasts do the same. It brings the postings to site and gives me a better chance to read your energy and sense your heart’s intention. Whether in brick and motar, online business, or in friendships, I seek out people of integrity.
Visualize Possibilities,
Rhonda
Thanks, Rhonda- I agree with you. Heart-to-heart connections can happen anywhere, through time and space, in amazing ways.
Videocasting- how ambitious! I haven’t yet ventured there. I’ll have to check out what you do with them- thanks for mentioning them.
I’m still musing over this perception Joel Stein has about ‘false, easy community.’ And, I’m wondering what we can do as business owners, as bloggers, as people to help to show real community as strongly as possible.
I have no intention to try and change Joel- I just think it’s a perception that is floating out in the world, and it’s worth our while to pay attention to those perceptions- it means someone, somewhere doesn’t feel safe to connect with us.