Growing up as a geeky punk rocker in the early 1980s, I stayed as far away from my high school gym as possible. I don’t think I attended even a single high school football game the entire four years I was there.
The “spirit” events felt so fake to me. I was an angsty, geeky, unpopular teen.
So I paused when someone at the gym this morning said, “You’re such a natural cheerleader.”
Not really, it took me some real effort. But what I’ve noticed with my kids, with my wife, with the team at Heart of Business, and yes, at the gym, is that cheerleading is more critical than I believed it was in the past.
Forgive me, but this may be old hat to some of you. And, as usual, there’s a Sufi spiritual teaching square in the middle of it all. Who knew?
My sheikh, in his long robe and fantastic Sufi headgear, is about as far as you can get from American-style cheerleading. (see if you can guess which is my sheikh and which is from where I went to university?)
One of my sheikh’s strong teachings is that “Hope is a medicine for the heart.” When I think back over the many times I’ve seen him deliver hope to me, and to others, what he’s really doing is cheerleading, albeit in a very profound way.
At the gym, when I say to someone next to me, “We’ve got this!” I notice that both the other person and I tend to feel a bit more spring in our step. We move easier. It’s the hope and belief.
So what makes it work? Was my teenage self just too angsty, or are there times cheerleading works and doesn’t work?
Here’s what I’m taking away from my experience with cheerleading.
1. The person being cheered has to care.
In high school, I just didn’t care about “school spirit.” No amount of cheering was going to make me care. I was already into political activism and school spirit was really not even in my reality.
However, I would cheer on punk bands, although don’t tell anyone I’m calling it “cheering.”
2. The person being cheered on has to feel seen.
The yelling, stage-diving and thrashing of the crowd allows the punk band to feel seen and heard. My buddies at the gym, we’re all sweating together, so when I say something, they know I’m there with them.
Strangely, it also works even with an email like this. I have an inkling why, but I’m curious why you might think it works to be cheered from an email when the person cheering doesn’t know you personally?
3. The person cheering has to know it for real.
There’s belief. There’s faith. And then there’s knowing. You have to be connected to the knowing in your own heart, and that transmits it to the other person.
Sometimes people are cheering from a perspective, “Oh my God, if you don’t do it right, you’re done for!” That works as a great way to undermine someone, but doesn’t really qualify as helpful cheering. It’s the underlying intention and belief that are transmitted.
My Cheering For You
You’ve got this. You can do this. And by “this” I mean build a heart-centered business that works. It may seem impossibly hard. It may seem that nothing works, at least nothing that doesn’t make you lose your integrity or become someone you’re not.
Don’t listen to that. You can do this. You can totally do this. It may take some tweaks around how you think about what you do. It may take some creativity. It may take being reminded to connect to your Source. It may take a willingness to ask for and receive help.
But you can totally do this.
Take it in. Seriously, take it in. You’ve got this. Now bring it home.
(This is quite possible where my friend Sarah Robinson would have me do Spirit Fingers, except I don’t know what they are. Feel free to post links to explanatory videos in the comments.)
p.s. Opening the Moneyflow 2013
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18 Responses
Hey Mark,
As usual, loving your posts. I just popped over because I wanted to let you know that I’ve been considering doing the Opening the Moneyflow program for a couple years now, and that lately I’ve been STRONGLY considering it. It is not currently within my financial reach, but I wanted to let you know that it’s very compelling and that I’ve been drawn to it for a while.
The reason I share this is that I know what it’s like to be on the other side of putting an offer out there and not hearing from the majority of people. In other words, we never know who out there is thinking about it until they hit the Buy button (metaphorically). So I’m here standing up to say I’m one of those people hearing what you’re saying and being very drawn to what you offer. And I hope you keep offering it because someday it will be the Right day for me.
Thanks for all you do (WHOOOOOOOO!),
Rachel
Hi Rachel. Thanks for letting me know. It is interesting wondering what’s going on in people’s minds. Whenever the timing is right, we’re here for you. It would be a delight to work with you.
Mark–ok, you got me into a curious mode…….so, here’s an introduction to “spirit fingers” also known as “jazz fingers” ( although not the same as “jazz hands”) =>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTSkvAabm0k&sns=em
Mary Elaine- thank you! And wow that’s intense. I’m glad I never made fun of the cheer people to their faces…
Mark Silver writing about Cheerleading??? If today’s not the end of the world, it definitely feels like it!
Two things. To the question: “why you might think it works to be cheered from an email when the person cheering doesn
Mary- So true! I think you are dead-on. And thank you for your kind words!
Thank you, Mark, for this new perspective on cheerleading. I had a similar experience recently, and I SO did not identify with being a Cheerleader! No, I’m a Misfit, I said. I’m the one who almost got kicked out of band for playing offbeats on the drums to throw off the cheerleaders during their routines.
I am TOTALLY a cheerleader in the sense you’ve described. I help people cut through the crap that’s keeping them from having the time, energy, and money to live their dreams – and a big part of that is reminding them, “You got this!”
Gretchen- exactly! The Misfit Cheerleaders. That’s a band. Time to go on tour.
Mark, I love your list of qualities that identify a good “cheeree.” Having been a natural-born cheerleader all my life (not for team sports) I’ve noticed a very curious phenomenon. Those of us who are “cheerers” have to be careful because there are a lot of people who don’t want encouragement. Have you noticed this, too? They don’t want the responsibility of accepting it, and they surely don’t want to reciprocate. Having looked closely at my cheerleading style over the years, I can say that my intensity is often a problem. A cheerer’s style has to feel safe and familiar to the cheeree, or it doesn’t feel good and it backfires. Have you had this experience, too?
MiaSherwood- I have to say I’ve noticed it from the other end. I am not a natural cheerleader, whatever that person told me. It’s something that I have to think through consciously. And I am very sensitive to cheerleading that hits the wrong note. Someone who is not witnessing me, seeing me, matching where I am, the cheering definitely puts me off. It lands with me as if they are trying to push me out of where I am, as if something is wrong with me where I am. If I’m already listening to those self-judgmental voices, the cheering actually reinforces the self-judgment in a very painful way. I’m grateful- you sound like you’ve been becoming a conscious cheerer- the best kind!
You have a great way of explaining it, Mark. I think it’s that feeling that somebody wants us to change… that we aren’t good enough just the way we are. I don’t react well to that sort of cheerleading either, and hadn’t really thought about how I might come across that way accidentally to others. This is a very helpful insight.
Hi MiaSherwood, I totally relate. I’ve got natural cheerleader qualities. Over the years, I’ve learned (the hard way!) that it’s not always welcome 🙂
For me, it often depends on how *attached* I am to the cheerleading. Am I expecting a certain response (a smile, a thank you, a connection, a desire for them to succeed)?
I also used to think it was my ‘responsibility’ to share this good stuff out loud (“If I don’t, who will?”). It’s especially challenging when it’s your Jewel, and you want to be of service.
Everywhere I look, I see people shining bright!! At the shops, in the street … My heart fills up with love and encouragement.
I’m gradually learning to discern who to cheer out loud to (and to really ground myself before speaking). And I’m learning to let go of some opportunities and instead to offer a silent cheer through prayer.
hmm. i’d not assume people *don’t want* encouragement, miasherwood or cannot accept the *responsibility of accepting it*. judgement kinda cancels out good intenions. you did identify an essential piece here: what’s encouragement to one person may not be to another. i love encouragement, i do not want anyone leaping up and down w. pom poms or other peculiar things (>:) i find it fakey and overwhelming. a quiet hand, a reminder of the things i’ve accomplished, prayer, tea w. a friend…all those do make for encouragement i can *recognize* and receive.
Well, Meg, I guess it’s just my life experience that has given me the courage to share my observations. Honestly, it’s pretty hard to ignore it when people actually tell you how they feel. I’m not judging here, I’m relating my experiences. There’s a big difference. My daughter often tells me how her 12 yr old reacts badly to encouragement, and it reminds me of the things I’ve said here. They are pretty common, really. We cannot always communicate perfectly, no matter how diligently we may try. Growing more sensitive to the needs of others is turning out to be a life-long process for me, that’s for sure!
agreed: it is the work of a lifetime~
i needed this, this morning mark. i’m printing this out and posting in a prominent place for awhile! many thanks!
Mark–This morning’s email brought a YouTube link that reminded me of this post about “cheerleading” => http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1T9-I3wx8I&sns=em
Especially when the female panelist helped the young man find his OWN place of centeredness–his own inner cheerleader, so to speak.
Yea you! Life is so fast paced today that few peeps take the time to cheer each other on. I’m a volleyball player. Booing team members can break down your game faster than cheering players. Those of us who try to encourage others have to work harder than our growling complaining counterparts. Thanks for sharing such good content. Again YEA YOU!