Why Attraction is a Mistake in Marketing

Coffee shop. The background beat of some silly pop music. Buzz of conversation. The glow of laptop screens.

And then, one near the counter, the other in a window seat, they both look up, and their eyes meet. Attraction! Next thing you know, they’re picking out paint colors, and sharing chores in some nice little house in the neighborhood.

It’s a cozy picture, isn’t it? If only your clients would move into your business as easily.

Unfortunately, when your eyes meet theirs, they tend to look away.

How Can You Get That Attraction Thing Working in Your Business?

Wouldn’t it be so nice? If you, and your marketing could just be glancing around the world filled with love and zip, zip, zip, clients just moved in? Ahhh, domestic business bliss.

You already know, or suspect, it doesn’t work like that. You know because you’ve been trying, and it hasn’t been working.

Except very occasionally. For instance, my wife Holly received a call the other day from someone who had had her business card for two years, and just had an intuition to call her. Zing! Business attraction!

(At least, it better be business attraction! Unless there’s something she’s not telling me…)

But if she, or I, or you, stood around waiting for those intuition-based phone calls… Well, you may already be suffering the agony of that waiting. They do come along every now again, so you might believe that’s the way that it’s supposed to happen. But you’ll never have a thriving business if you depend only on those rare birds.

What’s going on? If intuition and attraction are real, and you can bet your heart they are, why don’t more people call? Is it because you aren’t attractive enough?

It’s Not About Attraction–It’s About Safety

What is attraction? Attraction is about love. That mysterious, ineffable quality that fills our hearts, turns our lives upside down, and makes us crazy.

Everyone wants love, needs love, thirsts for love. So when it shows up, we naturally go running toward it, right?

Or do we?

The Two Reactions to Love

Your heart does run toward love, like a camel five days in the desert runs toward water. But that’s only one part of the picture.

The other reaction is from your ego, your personality, your little self, which hides from love. It curls up, turns away, gets busy with other things. Why do we do this?

Love does turn everything upside down. In the best case scenario, Love can totally erase your ego. So your ego gets scared. Really scared.

Your marketing isn’t working, because you’re trying to make it do the wrong job.

Marketing’s True Job is Safety

Imagine you were in that cafe and locked eyes with that stranger. And then that stranger stood up and approached you. Do you immediately go riding off into the sunset? Or do you begin to think: “Wow, this one’s a weirdo, or an axe-murderer. Cute, but am I going to end up getting my heart broken?”

Your clients’ hearts want love, so fill your heart with love, caring and compassion. Your clients’ egos need safety before they can receive that love, so fill your marketing with safety.

There is room for love in marketing but not before the safety. So how do you create safe marketing? Let’s take a look.

Keys to Lovable Safe Marketing

• Witnessing creates safety.

True witnessing is what creates the most profound safety. If someone believes that you truly see themhea and their struggles and problems, all without judging them, they’ll follow you almost anywhere.

Start your marketing with empathetic statements about the situation your clients find themselves in, that they are struggling with. For instance, if you teach parenting classes:

“If you’re like most parents, you want to give your children everything, to parent them so well, but you might feel like you’re really ‘blowing it’ with them. You’re a good person, with a good heart, and yet you probably feel terrible because situations with your kids seem to always blow up in your face.”

• Give them hope.

After the witnessing, tell them there is hope. People don’t often respond to hope on it’s own, because they don’t believe it. They tend to think: “Oh, you’re just blowing smoke up my nose. If you really knew my situation, you wouldn’t be saying such great things.”

Ahhh… but you have started out with witnessing, so the response to hope means that they are going to believe you, that it’s safe to trust what you’re saying.

“Even though it feels impossible, it really doesn’t have to be like this. You can learn to parent in a way that feels good to you, and actually works with your kids.”

• Don’t rush.

Remember that you’re still talking to the ego here. The ego feels safe and trusts the hope, but may still feel skittish. Don’t just try to hop in the sack with your beautiful stranger. How about just having a cup of coffee to begin?

Instead of trying to convert your skittish-but-hopeful prospective client into a buyer, how about just letting them try you out with something low-key?

“There’s a lot of conflicting information about parenting out there, and the truth is, there’s no one ‘right’ way. We have an approach that takes into account who you are, and who your kids are, without trying to force you to use a script.

“Why don’t you take it for a test-drive? Sign up for our newsletter, download our free guide ‘When your Kid Says No.’ and see if our approach works for you.”

Your beautiful strangers want to trust you and get the help your business is offering. But if your marketing is only trying to be attractive, very few will come around. Yet if you keep love in your heart and let your marketing deliver safety, you might find yourself with plenty of people willing to risk the equivalent of a cup of coffee getting to know you.

And once they know you, they just might move into your business and become clients.