This week I’ve been musing on customer service, and how to care for both ourselves and upset customers. After more difficult adventures with MCI, and then hearing about one client’s breakthrough around dealing with an angry client of her own, it seems to be in the air.
But first, a story.
I’m back after an intense week as an assistant teacher for the Jaffe Institute. It’s always quite an adventure, but one morning, out for my daily pre-breakfast walk through the local neighborhoods, I got more than I bargained for.
As I was coming back down the hill, a big dog came out barking and growling at me. A BIG dog. Growling. Circling. Angry. Remembering some lessons from my good friend Halim and his big dogs, I was thinking I had to be the alpha male, and started to give some stern commands, that had no affect whatsoever. I remembered Halim also said you couldn’t fake it. Meanwhile, my stomach was doing flip flops. This was a big dog, let me tell you.
To add to my apprehension, the owner came out, and she couldn’t recall the dog either, despite repeated commands and yelling. To make things even worse, the owner then warned me: “Stand still! Don’t move!” I’ll admit it, I was seriously scared, and wondering how it was all going to turn out.
By grace alone I went into my heart and started to do the Remembrance. Then, I suddenly flashed on a story that my teacher Ibrahim Jaffe told us once a few years ago about being surrounded by some surly characters, and the situation was turning bad. Ibrahim is an extraodinary healer and energy worker, but when he tried to send love to the circling bikers, they grew more agitated and started become more menacing towards him.
He then opened to being filled himself with love, and, within moments, he said they all just suddenly lost interest and left.
Thinking that the situation was not at all dissimilar, I tried the same thing. I opened my heart, and, with the Remembrance, asked for love and protection. I felt my heart open, I felt a calmness descend. And, what’s more, I was astounded to see the dog IMMEDIATELY calm down, go right back to it’s owner, and they disappeared inside within moments.
It was over.
Well, I walked back feeling deep gratitude, and having one of those moments of complete awe at how the Divine really works. As David Wilcox, the folk musician, sings “There is evil cast around us, but it’s love that wrote this play.”
Okay, nice story, if a little woo-woo. But what does it have to do with customer service?
When you are approached by an upset customer or client, what’s going on for them? Well, from my experience with MCI, I know that I was feeling hurt, taken from, with a mixture of anger and frustration, which really covered a fear that I wasn’t going to get what I needed.
So, is either an alpha male posture, or saying the “right thing” over the anger and fear in your own belly going to do anything? Well, it IS going to agitate them more. Similar to my friend the dog, people can sense when you are not being straight with them, and they can sense fear and anger, and it makes them feel more unsafe, and escalates the situation.
To have breakthrough results with upset customers, you must first take care of yourself.
By the way, studies have shown that the most loyal repeat customers, who are also the most profitable, come from bad situations made good, much more so than if nothing ever goes wrong.
You don’t have to create bad situations with your clients… but, you can see a bad situation as an opportunity to gain deep trust and respect with those who feel, or were, wronged.
Keys to Keeping the Dogs at Bay
* Are you safe? If someone is truly angry, ask yourself this question: am I physically safe in this moment? If you are, then take a breath, and notice how you are feeling. If you aren’t safe, leave. We want you to be a hero of customer service, not of law enforcement.
* Take your attention off the customer. First you need to bring your attention to yourself. The customer is needing something, and if you are empty, or at a loss yourself, you will have nothing to give them except your own fear and anger. Effectiveness: zilch.
* Once the attention is on you, take a deep breath, and, with the Remembrance, ask your heart (or the pit of your stomach) what you need. Is it love? Is it approval? Security? Compassion? Whatever it is, ask in your heart, with the Remembrance, to receive it, because you know your upset customer sure doesn’t have any for you- they are empty, too.
* When your heart, or your stomach, feels full from receiving, then see how your heart naturally wants to respond. You may find the situation has started to de-escalate already.
