I want to talk about a seeming paradox that has been coming up lately for some of my clients. When breakthroughs start to happen, and more starts coming into your business, there is an automatic shut-down that many of us seem to do, a kind of self-sabotage.
The loop looks like this: you need more business, you do some work to get more business, you begin to have more business, but then you get “distracted,” or anxious, or some emergency comes up, or you are now too busy, until the business calms down to a nice, safe level- maybe more quiet than it was before.
This happened to me in October. I’m having the biggest year yet in my business, and August-September were record-breakers by a quantum leap. And then, October and November were much, much quieter. In fact, October was the slowest month I’ve had in two years.
There is an even more insidious version: you go into the distracted, emergency state before you see more business coming in.
What is going on here? You can just call it the ups and downs of business, but you and I both know that answer doesn’t quite ring as true. Of course business has fluctuations, but to have more than you’ve ever had before and then suddenly much less?
I see a similar pattern in my relationship with my wife- where we’ll be really, really happy with each other. And, then, seemingly for no reason, we’ll be in an argument. The same high-low cycle.
I recently did a workshop with Rahim Bronner, who is a faculty member at the Jaffe Institute and an incredible healer and corporate consultant (see his link below.) He highlighted, in a really clear way, something that I’ve worked with before but not so directly.
At times, many of us just don’t feel safe in the world. Maybe something happened to us when we were young. Maybe we’re just overwhelmed by all of the bad news and warnings of crime and terrorism. Whatever it is, it brings up a lack of safety.
I don’t know about you, but when I don’t feel safe, I tend to close down. I don’t ask for help. I fold my arms a lot. I don’t feel very generous. I have a lot of trouble accepting compliments or payment from people.
I think most of us have experienced generosity and gratitude as a door-opener for abundance. What isn’t talked about so much is that safety is the doorway for generosity and gratitude. Safety begets Abundance. That’s where the custom of shaking hands came from- to make sure the other guy wasn’t holding a sword. Once that was out of the way, it was safe to go ahead and accept gifts, and be friendly with them.
When we have a lot coming towards us, and we’re not used to it, we get overloaded. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks (authors of Conscious Loving, link below) talk about “upper limits of joy.” I’ve experienced these upper limits- and what I’ve observed is that when we go past the limit of what we’re comfortable with, it triggers a lot of issues around safety and trust. And then we tend to rubberband snap back even smaller than we were before.
So, what are your options? You could live really small, and create walls between you and everything else. Ugh! You could continue to yo-yo back and forth, and hope that you eventually end up in a bigger place than before. Ouch!
Instead, I recommend these steps. They are little less painful:
First notice your “upper limit” symptoms. They are probably going to be similar to your overwhelm symptoms. Use these as early-warning signs to catch yourself before you go past your limits.
Second, once you start feeling your upper limit symptoms- then stop. Stop pushing. Stop marketing. Stop, even if for only one day, or one hour, or 15 minutes.
Third, notice if there is any part of you that isn’t feeling safe. I’m guessing that at this point, even if it’s subtle, you probably aren’t feeling safe. If you aren’t feeling safe, then ask yourself, “Am I physically safe right now in this moment?” If you are, take a deep breath and go to step four. If you aren’t safe, stop reading this email and head for high ground!
Fourth, using the Remembrance, notice how unsafe you feel, and ask to receive the quality of safety, or trust, directly into your heart. Don’t try to create it. Don’t try to think it into existence. Feel how much you need it, and then ask for it, in Remembrance, with sincerity.
Lastly, once you’ve felt some internal safety, take a look back at your business. See if your heart feels like resting some more, or if its time to keep expanding. Trust your heart.
If you got caught on the steps above, or you just want to know more, then check out practical steps below in: Keys to “What Begets Abundance?”
Keys to “What begets Abundance?”
• Living in fear of your safety is exhausting. It may be that you don’t feel like you get much effect from the exercise above. You may be in a more advanced state of depletion. Please be gentle with yourself and take the time to receive in your heart for quite awhile if you need it. Sometimes new clients come to me anxious to get going in their business, but I have them first spend two weeks resting and receiving in their hearts, and nourishing themselves. Suddenly, the business starts flowing and everything is much easier.
An easy, free, two-week nourishment course can be found in the
Remembrance Challenge™. Click here.
• Don’t judge your needs. We have a lot of resistance to being needy, and sometimes our needs seem indulgent, or silly. But, if you get that you need to take a hot bath, or take a refreshing winter walk in the middle of your work day, or you just need to hang out with a friend with no agenda, trust your heart.
• It is possible to use “nourishing” activities to avoid your business. And, chances are you have an inkling of when this is true. If it feels true to you, then you might want to get some support. In my experience, this generally means that there is some emotional issue that just feels too big to deal with solo- some big monster fear, or sadness, or anger, that doesn’t feel safe to do on your own. Get support!
