Once upon a time, someone called me up wanting to talk to me about my services. He asked me how I was. I thought for a second, and I told him: “I’m in a bad mood. I’m feeling a little off, and unsettled.” I even went into details.
Smooth move, eh? I had just executed the perfect tactic to avoid being hired. Or did I? Before I tell you what happened next, let me tell you about a friend.
My friend hated me.
“Well, every time I read one of your newsletters, it seems like everything is always sunny, cheerful and great in Mark’s world. And I get depressed because my world, in that moment, looks like c#@p. It doesn’t look like Mark’s world.”
If you read the ocean of blogs and newsletters, there’s a lot of talk about ‘authenticity.’ And yet the overall tone is one of everyone being in a perpetual good mood, as if someone had been sneaking Zoloft into their lattes. Which, when you’re looking for help and support, can either cheer you up, or totally piss you off.
Well, let me be clear: as I sit down to write this newsletter, I’m in a bad mood. Yoga was hard this morning. I didn’t sleep so well last night. The month has been, business-wise, the slowest of the year. I have a promise to get a final document to the participants in the Heart-Centered Article Writing Course, and I can’t find the creative -oomph- to get it done.
And we haven’t yet brought our new assistant on-board, so I’ve got a bunch of little stuff to do, that I don’t wanna do.
Nothing horrible. No tragedies. Millions of people have it much worse. But I’m just in a bad mood.
Is it okay to be in a bad mood? Even more, is it okay to market in a bad mood? Or do I always have to have my cheer on?
Forcing myself to find a teaching.
Even though I’m in a bad mood, and I just don’t wanna, I’m going to push myself a little and dig up a teaching about it all.
Here’s the Sufi teaching: Always be in authentic service. Always.
Too much freedom overwhelms us. Even all the marketing professionals say that if you give a customer too many choices, they many not buy anything at all.
Being in service limits your freedom in a healthy way. The heart, in order to feel alive, needs to serve.
Now here’s the million-karma-point question: in service to what?
You could be in service to your readers or clients. Except that from time to time you might feel like a dog that’s been kicked too many times, just because you’re in a bad mood (not because you’re clients are abusive.)
You could be in service to your self. Except when you’re in a bad mood, that tends to lead to empty ice cream containers, too many lattes, and a vaguely nauseous feeling from over-indulgence.
The real trick is to stay in service to Source. Not in a collapsed “I’ll keep working because I have to” way. And not in a “I’m super-doodle and can keep doing anything because Source is on my side!” kinda way.
What happens if you do that?
Well, that guy who called me? We had an authentic conversation about how we really are. I was in a bad mood, he was too. That’s why he was calling. And, despite my mind-numbingly stupid marketing tactic, he hired me.
That’s right. It worked, even though I didn’t have my Suzy Sunshine cheer on. What the bleep?!? How can that work?
Well, lemme tell ya- it ain’t always easy, because it does take some self-knowledge, and willingness to slow down. Being in service to Source when you’re in a bad mood… let’s take a look at how you can do it.
Keys to Being in Service When You’d Rather Not.
• Feel rotten.
You’re in a bad mood. Be in a bad mood. But, don’t -BE- the bad mood. The subtle difference here is one of consciousness.
I can either stomp around, kicking the cat, yelling at my wife, and throwing things, or numbing out to bad YouTube videos. Or, I can breathe, check-in, and notice that I feel anxious, upset, grumpy, and that I’ve got tension and misery bound up in my body.
And not try to change it. Just feeling it. Instead of yelling or kicking, I speak it: “Hey Holly, I am in a grumpy, bad, no-good mood, and I feel like throwing things.”
Sometimes that changes my mood. Sometimes it doesn’t. But either way, there is now space for me to be just where the heck I am.
• Connect to Source.
Whether you use the Remembrance that I teach, or your own way, you need to connect to a larger Reality. Because when you’re in a bad mood, your perspective is, shall we say, limited.
Caution! Connecting isn’t about trying to force yourself into peacefulness, or love, or beauty. Here’s how I do it: “Hey, I’m in a bad mood. And Source. I feel rotten and miserable and run-down. And Love. I want to yell and throw things. And the Divine is here, too.”
Nothing fancy. No changing or fixing yourself. Just showing up authentically, and remembering that Source is also present. Yes, even here, in your bad mood.
• Now, be in service.
You’re connected. You’re in a bad mood. Ask: “Hey Source, I’m in a bad mood. What’s being called for here?”
Bow your head. No, you don’t feel like, but bow your head anyway. Source is in charge, and when you’re in a bad mood, your individual perspective is probably not as inclusive or insightful as Source’s.
Bow your head and ask: “What is being asked for? Where am I being led? What’s truly alive?” If what comes pisses you off more, say “Yes” to it anyway… and then ask for more information: “Wow, now I’m even more pissed off. What part of the message didn’t I hear yet?”
My example: I was pissed off, and on deadline to write an article. When I connected, I had a little more spaciousness in my heart. Then I asked- and heard that I had to get the article done. Which pissed me off. And then asked again: “Write from where you are. Stop trying to be somewhere you’re not.”
And this article just flowed out of me. I hope you like it.
I would wrap this article up neatly with a conclusion, but I still have the remnants of my bad mood, so I’m just going to end with: be yourself. Stop trying to always put your cheer on.
