It’s been a great conversation–twenty, thirty, oh my gosh, we’ve been on the phone for fifty minutes?! The heart-connection was strong, there seems to be a lot of simpatico between us, and as it’s winding down, they say:
“What you’re offering sounds great. Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you.”
Yah, sure! It was such a great connection, you totally trust them. And then days go by. And weeks.
Seasons pass. Summer comes and goes, leaves fall from the trees, and the birds all head south. What in the heck happened to that person?
La Disparition
First off, let’s set the record straight; people disappear for all the most normal, ordinary, straight-forward reasons that have nothing to do with secretly hating you. If you had a great connection on the phone, trust it.
But people get busy. Overwhelmed. Distracted.
Plus, if what you’re offering has any element of transformation or making their life better in some big way, then there’s going to be an avoidance factor that simply has to do with feeling uncomfortable about moving forward.
They aren’t trying to get rid of you, they’re just trying to, or unable to get comfortable. And they need your help.
When Vagueness Strikes, Light a Lamp
It may take a five-planet detail-obsessed Virgo like me to notice when something isn’t settled, but I’d like to give you some of my useful paranoia. Let’s see the instant replay in slo-mo.
“Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you.”
There are not one, but TWO bits of vagueness here. One is the “it.” Think about “it.” What’s “it?” What are they thinking about? You spent fifty minutes on the phone, and all they’ve got to show is one “it?”
And the other vagueness is “get back to you.” Err… when? How? Why?
They truly aren’t trying to be slippery. It’s just with discomfort and busyness going on: it’s easier to stuff all of that into the “it” box than to actually name “it.” So don’t hang up, your job isn’t done. They need your help.
Ask About the “It” and the “When”
“Can you tell me what you’re needing to think about? I totally get it that you need time, and I wasn’t necessarily expecting an answer right now, but I’m really curious about what in particular you’re considering?”
Keep asking until you feel clear about what they are wrestling with.
Then ask about the other, you know, thing.
“I totally get what you’re wrestling with now. I agree, that’s worth taking some time with. Now, here’s my question: how much time is reasonable for you to get clear about that? I ask because we’ve got an open-ended conversation here and it’s going to be swirling around in my mind, and in yours, until we get clarity. So how much time do you need to figure this out?”
“Oh, a few days.”
“So when should we talk again?”
“How about I let you know by Friday?”
“Friday–perfect. Shall we set a time? How about one o’clock for about fifteen minutes, and if it’s not for you, we’ll both be clear, and if it is, we can figure out the next steps together.”
“Perfect, one p.m. We’ll talk then.”
Bingo. No wondering, no vagueness.
This Is Called “The Bridge”
When you make that next appointment to carry over the think-about-it time, it’s called “The Bridge.” Which is short for, “The Bridge Over Insanity to A Safe Harbor of Not Worrying About Whether They Are Going To Get Back To You Or Not.”
But Isn’t It Rude to Be Pushy Like That?
It’s not rude, it’s a help for them. It’s a BIG help. Listen, as painful as it is for you to hang out wondering, it’s also cluttering up their mind, too. Nagging and worrying them. And if they promise to get back to you, and don’t, then they start feeling shame and guilt.
The problem with shame and guilt is that they tend to compound themselves. Meaning that if someone is feeling guilt, they may be more likely to disappear, rather than come clean.
How painful is that? Having someone feel guilty about not getting back to you, and then avoiding you because they feel guilty, when all they really want is to get back to you and sign up for your offer?
Oy!
So do you and them a favor, and ask about the vagueness, then implement the Bridge.
One Little Thing: The Polite “No”
If you ask them about their “thinking about it” and try to set The Bridge appointment, and they aren’t giving it up, then that’s really good information. If they are bulldogged about staying vague, and don’t answer your questions clearly, then what you may be dealing with is a Polite No.
It simply means they want to say “No” for whatever reason, and don’t have the heart to say it to you directly. So they try to slip out the back door.
If someone continues to be vague, have compassion for them. “Okay, well it seems as if you really do need some time to think about it. Just let me know when you’re ready to talk about this, or anything else. My door is open.”
And then let them go. If they come back, great. And if they don’t, you aren’t worrying about them.
Your Chasing Days Are Now Over
With a heart-felt willingness to ask about vagueness, and to set The Bridge appointment, you never need to chase after anyone ever again. You can rest easy in your heart with the clarity, and your potential client can rest into your clarity, which actually makes it easier to trust you and become a client.
