While running what might have been the 60th (or more) Virtual Retreat for our Community two Fridays ago, one of the questions that came up from a retreatant is how to help his wife, who was struggling in various ways. And, they have 2 kids, one under the age of 4.
This comes up fairly often. A few weeks ago I heard from a woman who was homeschooling young children and trying to run a business, and wanted to know how to move forward more quickly.
It reminds me of how our business director and practitioner Lincoln Wachtel found me when I first hired him, and our twin boys were 4 years old (they are now almost 7). Lincoln told me some months ago that he was happy to see me looking rested, because when he first came on, he was genuinely worried about me, I was so worn out.
I was running on 4 years of sleep deprivation. And my creativity and ability to handle details was at a low ebb. It was really, Really, REALLY hard.
Parenting and business is a rough combo. And there’s only one thing that really makes it work.
The One Thing That Really Works
Surrender. It’s the only game in town.
What I mean is that if you are parenting young children, you already know how much they need you. And if you have a start-up business, you will move more slowly than you would like to.
Plus, the lack of complete focus on your children’s needs combined with lack of sleep means that you will be lacking:
– Creativity, resourcefulness, patience, fun, and precision.
But, the benefits!
You will probably have lost any perfectionism you had. (What, the dishes are piled in the sink, there are clothes and toys (and food) all over the floor? Oh well…) Let your business benefit from that.
Plus, you will have acquired a true true sense of what really matters. Love matters. The perfectly coiffed hair, the perfect web design… not so much.
I’m almost done, because I know you don’t have a ton of time. There are two things I want you to remember. You already know one of them, maybe both, but they are REALLY hard to remember.
1. Your kids will grow up.
You’ll have more time and freedom. Your brain will come back. It’s going to be okay. For us, age 4 was the turning point. Now, nearly at age 7, really crazy amounts of freedom compared to previously.
2. Do the simplest, and the minimum.
Now is not the time for creating fancy products or membership sites. Now is the time to keep things simple, tread water, and get clients in the door.
You will have time to develop everything you ever dreamed, later. For now parent, and keep the business simple.
It’s going to be okay. Really.
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Heart of Business Community Update
Opening the Community – We’re wanting to open up the Community Facebook group and we’d love for you to share your thoughts. Check out the document that outlines what we’re thinking.
In our secret Facebook group yet?
It’s our private, secret group only for Community members – no one else can see it. Here are some discussions happening right now:
- Developing new habits around money can be challenging at times – especially when it comes to taxes! Read about the time saving products and services other Community members use to tame the tax time challenge.
- Podcasts can be a rich source of information or a real drain on your valuable time. Check out the great discussion on what makes an effective podcast.
These are just 2 of the many discussions happening every day in our active, compassionate group! Don’t yet have access? Click here.
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When you’re overwhelmed and exhausted, sometimes you just want to be told what to do next.
While our programs are not cookie-cutter, there is a step-by-step process to the curriculum, with clear exercises every week. Businesses grow in stages, and whatever stage you are at, your business needs certain things, and you can safely ignore anything else.
Get the support of being led through exactly what your business needs, so it can develop and grow, without wasting time on the unnecessary.
Foundations1: Clients and Money is for people in start-up, or with very low income, who just need to get clients and money in the door. Incredibly supportive, the promise “every question answered” and in-depth. It just works!
Click here for info and to register.
Foundations2: Expand Your Reach is for those whose income is at times okay, but inconsistent, and you knew if you reached more people, you would have a full, consistent business. It covers website strategy and networking (including networking for introverts!).
Click here for info and to register.
Or… Don’t know what you need?
Take our Readiness Assessment. We can help you learn where your business is developmentally and what you need to help it grow.
Click here for a Readiness Assessment.
10 Responses
Thanks for this article. It’s true. You let go of perfectionism with small kids, what an achievement with all the mess going on!
Maria- you are so welcome. Yes indeed! Mess, indeed!
Great post, Mark. Thank you. And so true in any major life event too: Divorce, illness of ourself or significant other, moving, injury, etc. We just gotta let it all go. Easier said than done but usually what happens!
Meg- yes, easier said than done, and yet, with these kinds of circumstances, it’s not often a letting go, it’s just taken from us! 🙂
I have 3 kids and can really attest to prioritizing love while the dishes pile up. Thank you Mark for speaking to us parents! I decided to own my own business for them.. more time with them, homework and a flexible schedule. It is definitely worth the patience..
It is SO worth it, isn’t it, Laurel! And you have 3! I don’t know if I could handle more kids than I have arms. 🙂
Wow, Mark, this feels so good, being acknowledged and seen as a parent. Lack of sleep can be like torture. – Surrender is really the only way. I love my family so much, and I love so much what I do with my business. I want to enjoy the journey with all of them, want to be grateful for what I have. It’s about integration of different needs, not competition.
Jutta- so glad that feels so good. It’s hard! Even now as I answer you my boys woke up super early (5:30am), my wife Holly was up late and needs to sleep in, and this is usually my special creative time. The only reason I can answer you is because it’s their video morning, when they get a couple of hours to watch videos. Integration and balance, it’s a dance!
I can so relate to this. We have 2 young lads, the youngest is six, and we’re just starting to see some real space opening up over the last year or so. Surrender is definitely the key to being able to hold 2 worlds together. the hardest, for me, is moving between work mode and parenting mode. It takes a conscious effort to just let all thoughts of work go and just be there completely for them. Things go so much better when I can be mindful and maintain that clear boundary between work and home life.
Dave! Yes… that transition is a hard one. Personally, I sometimes need to acknowledge it to the boys, even though they don’t get it, really. So helpful! And here’s to big open spaces!