For more than two decades I’ve watched so many people do this weird thing in business. And, it doesn’t matter whether they are new, or been at it for a long time. Even some folks who are quite successful financially do it.
It’s this: they will be absolutely lovely, heart-centered, caring, connected, when helping people, or otherwise deep into their topic.
And then, when a so-called business task or situation pops up, it’s like a switch gets flipped. Suddenly they are awkward, or distant, or corporate-version-professional, or just clicked out.
This also shows up at the level of strategy, where someone who cares deeply about the people they are helping picks up some kind of hard-sell or otherwise manipulative marketing or sales strategy, “because that’s what you do…”
It’s painful for the person doing it, it’s painful for people around them.
The simple version of my message is: You don’t have to do that. Really. You don’t.
The more nuanced version of my message.
I know some of the reasons this happens. One reason is just survival fears. If they don’t do it the way they’ve seen others be (allegedly) successful, they will fail, and all their dreams will come crashing down.
Another reason is the hurt involved in business. We’ve all been injured by the dysfunction and trauma in the world of business. When we’re confronted with some aspect of our business that we know (or think we know) needs to be done, and yet we’ve only experienced hurt around that, the only way through is to shut down our hearts, wall ourselves off, and just stiff arm our way through it.
Yet another reason is vulnerability. It can feel vulnerable to make yourself visible, or offer something someone may not want… and that vulnerability may not have been safe for someone as a child or young adult. And so rather than be vulnerable, the person chooses to do it another way…
I’m sure there are other reasons as well, and happy to hear them from folks.
All of these speak to some level of hurt and fear. And, what it says to me, is that anyone doing that probably cares deeply, but it feels too risky to show that level of care.
We all need each other so very much.
Our economy works hard to make us feel alone, disconnected, helpless, so that we buy things to attempt to feel like we belong and are connected. Commerce, business, has been badly distorted by this.
The result is that even the best-hearted of good people sometimes have a switch to flip into so-called “business mode.”
Blah. Blah… No, thank you.
You don’t need to flip that switch. Instead, can I invite you to think about it this way?
1. If you ever do, what are the contexts, situations, provocations, that have you flipping that switch into cold business mode? Even if you can name just one, that’s enough to start with.
So, for instance, I had a client who, when they went to write up an offer they wanted to make, that flipped the switch for them. As a consequence, their writing voice shifted from one of caring and empathy, to forced-enthusiasm, making big promises, and otherwise taking on the tone of an infomercial.
2. In facing the situation that has you flipping the switch, instead of judging yourself, can you bring compassion, understanding, kindness, gentleness to yourself?
When my client faced this dynamic with compassion and kindness, they could see what they were doing, and why they were doing it. They could directly address fear around being good enough, around receiving appreciation, and also fears of survival. There was a lot of healing that came through.
3. Then, ask the question: what would it look like if you could bring artistic care and love to this part of your business? What would it look like if your heart was open in the way that it is when you do… ?
After accessing healing and love and kindness, my client found that they could then write what I sometimes call a “love letter” to their clients, inviting them in. They could preserve that sense of care, even while bringing in some of the structure and focus and detail it takes to write a good offer page. As a consequence, their offer/sales pages started feeling really beautiful and compelling.
In my twenty four years of experience with this, I know for certain that there is always a way through with love with anything in business… except for the extremely rare situations when the way through with love is to discard that way of business entirely.
It may take some real gentleness and care, and patience in your heart. But it will ultimately be so much more nourishing and effective.
So, I’m curious, what business situations “flip the switch” for you. And then, what do you notice if you bring compassion, kindness and care to yourself in looking at it?
With love,
Mark Silver, M.Div.
Heart of Business, Inc.
Every act of business can be an act of love.
The Learning Community is where we combine compassion, care and know-how.
Many of the folks who join us in the Learning Community have more than one place in business where they can’t help but “flip the switch” into cold business mode… and they don’t want to. They want to stay connected with love, integrity and care.
Together, we help them unflip the switch, find the love and integrity that is possible in business, and put it into action in all the ways their business needs to thrive, and for them to feel good about it at the same time.
Currently, our Learning Community is open for new members, through October 7. There is a LOT of support in the community, and you are not left to struggle on your own at all.
We need as much love as possible in the realm of business. Let us help you fill yourself and your business with love, and bring it out into the world.
Find out more here: The Heart of Business Learning Community
Ask any questions you have.
