I rented the room for the whole day. I had distributed flyers, sent emails. I had a whole 4? 5? people registered.
One of the people was the husband of someone who was a real fan. This guy was a corporate VP with hundreds of people under him, and why he decided to come, I’m not entirely sure.
He challenged me on everything I said. I sweated bullets and struggled–I was drowning. At the end of the day, when the ordeal was over, I cried with my wife Holly from the overwhelm and the tenderness in my heart.
The other participants loved what I had to say. They said wonderful things to me, but I can’t really remember what they said. I can’t remember so clearly who the other participants were, but I remember him.
Although I never had it quite that bad again, that scenario played out many more times before I finally learned my lesson.
Give to the people who want what you have to offer.
It was easy to see that guy in my mind’s eye every time I wanted to write an email, or to teach. And he wasn’t even in my target market! Yet even if he was, I don’t want to be in the business of convincing someone who doesn’t want what I have to give.
What would have happened if I had focused my energy and attention on the people who loved what I was teaching, instead of trying to bring that one person along?
I know, it’s a little more nuanced than that. There are times when we do need to listen to criticism with an open heart. I try to do that, just so I can hear what’s being said, without reaction.
But you don’t want to write your content, offer your material, or focus your attention on that one person with their arms crossed who is daring you to just try to convince him you’re right.
I don’t want to play that game, and I don’t want you to play that game.
At 350Oregon, where I volunteer on the communications team, we decided that we are not trying to reach global warming deniers. We want to gather the impressive number of people who already know what’s going on and want to do something about it.
Although you might not say it on your website, know in your own heart that among all the criteria you use to identify your best clients, one of them is that they really want what it is that you’re offering.
Here’s your question: who is the person in your mind who you are speaking to, that you can stop focusing on? Let’s get ’em out of our heads! Write ’em out, share ’em so we can banish them from our businesses! (They don’t want to be here, anyway.)
Who -do- you focus on?
One of the biggest game-changers is when you finally figure out who your best clients are. And who the best of your best clients are. And then you figure out how to speak to them, how to reach them, and how to invite them in effectively.
If you get help to gain the clarity and the know-how, then you don’t have to spend down all of your savings and reserves with trial and error. (Or worse, spending up on a credit card for years without reserves!)
This is an invitation to have a conversation with one of our practitioners, so you can get hands-on, personalized help to get your business going, like now! Take a look, see who resonates, schedule a no-pressure conversation.
Try it on, see how it feels to get help sooner rather than later. We’d love for you to start having fun and being profitable with your business.
29 Responses
Hi, I totally agree that we should focus on people who want what we offer. And still I believe that people like the guy in the workshop give us the most valuable impulses to grow. By criticizing and challenging they make us think the issues over again, see them from other perspective. (We don’t do that during the workshop, of course, but…). And I think that the key issue during the workshop is not to fight back and not to try to dissolve the resistance but let him consider on his own where it comes from. That approach needs strength from the trainer, but allows to set the situation as a win:win
Iza- I agree with you to a certain extent. Certainly facing him when I did challenged me in big ways. But, I don’t think I need to do that more than once. For me, the learning was what I wrote about. Although it’s also true that my heart has expanded, and I don’t get shaken by challengers the way I used to.
There will always be “someone” who is unhappy, disgruntled or for whatever reason beyond your control — in plain words — just will give you a hard time for the sake of it… Sometimes it is even a method of “taking out” their anger on someone else, but you definitely do not need to be the victim to that. There is a distinct difference between “giving feedback” and hassling the speaker… (exactly, why did he even come in the first place if he knows it all?) He may have “valid points” for his world, so he should keep it in his world. But it’s incredibly unprofessional and childish to do what he did. Sorry you had to go through that, but good on you for embracing the future potential!
Hi JoAnne- I don’t think I would call it “childish”- I think he was doing the best he could in a rough situation, and it did end up being a useful experience for me. And yes, it’s nice to move on.
Mark,
I totally agree with you.
I looked at the 350Oregon website and your group’s strategy is brilliant. The group’s reaching out to supporters creates an environment that energizes volunteers to become more deeply involved, while addressing deniers is exhausting and demoralizing except for the small share of supporters who are energized by heated debate.
You asked, Who are you focusing on?
I help people market their freelance and consulting services and I recommend phoning prospects as part of this. Of course, some people are totally repulsed by what they label as “cold calling.”
I consider phoning to be a warm, relationship-initiating process in which I offer help to people who may need my services, and many other people agree and practice it, at least to some extent.
When I started my business I thought I would be helping people to overcome their fears and make their first call. However, in practice I don’t hear from those people. My audience is people who do some phoning and are looking for advice on how to handle the finer points of what to say and other aspects of pricing and managing their work.
-d
Diana Schneidman
Author, Real Skills, Real Income: A Proven Marketing System to Land Well-Paid Freelance and Consulting Work in 30 Days or Less
Diana- what a brilliant example! And thanks for your kind words about 350Oregon- although, truth be told, we haven’t even implemented our communications strategy yet. It’s all new.
Thanks so much for this sentence, Mark:
“Although you might not say it on your website, know in your own heart that among all the criteria you use to identify your best clients, one of them is that they really want what it is that you’re offering.”
I don’t think I focus on a particular resister, but I’ve recently wondered if I do feel that I have to defend what I do and am starting to shift in my thinking. Embracing this idea that my best clients really do want what I have to offer feels like an important step in that process. Thank you.
Marilyn! Great to hear from you, and it can be a subtle shift- good catch! And everyone else, check out Marilyn’s Whimsy and Tea- so beautiful, what she does.
Timely post Mark! ! I’ve been doing some clarifying contemplation about my favorite clients (with some awesome support from my mastermind group). It comes down to two things: 1. I feel really good in my client’s presence. And 2. I know that I am being helpful and a catalyst for their powerful transformation.
Now that could make me sound like a co-dependent wishy-washy wimp but that’s far from the truth. I’m happiest when I know I’m being effective and I have no desire to work with someone who’s doesn’t see me as a valuable resource.
When I did corporate training programs, I really didn’t like folks who were “forced” to be there. I love having private clients who chose to work with me! And I have nothing to prove to anyone anymore. It’s all quite wonderful when we know our passion and folks can respond to that.
Thanks for the post and your ongoing presence as a heart-centered business.
Deborah- I totally agree- I don’t think it’s co-dependent wishy-washy. We all need each other, we’re all so tender, and it’s important to only give to people who want what we’re giving. Otherwise, what are we doing?
I love this article’s example, Mark.
It took me a while to realize I’m not out to teach anything I declare myself an expert in. I was holding off until I was more ‘successful’ and had more evidence on a few things before allowing myself to give my gift, and what I had to realize was:
I can give my real gift NOW, which is humble facilitation of co-operative musing and learning, and – really – the gathering of like minds, not uni-directional teaching. I can give it NOW, and I can give it more tenderly, without data.
But only if I respectfully surrender to working exclusively with people who don’t require evidence or expertise to proceed in trusting ME. There are many levels to this.
This recent revelation has been huge for me, and resulted in a bunch of forward movement (or did the dire need for forward movement humble me? BOTH!!!!)
Briana- there you go- so beautiful and so inspiring!
I wonder though if giving only to the people who want what you have can be a bit of a cop out. I’m not saying I think you need to go out and challenge everyone out there over everything or that it’s appropriate to do so. Or that you can even provide for everyone in the world. But I think developing and cultivating discernment and basing your life in guidance of divine surrender will make it apparent with who, where and how to show up in the discussion with people. But I can’t help but think how different the world would have been if the civil rights activist had decided to back down and only give to those who wanted what they had to offer. Don’t get me wrong they did give to those people too. And they were a big part of the message succeeding. Because they were subsequently able to use them in the continuation of the message of peace and love. But by only turning towards the ones who want what you have, rather than opening from any restrictions you’re facing on how to implement the work coming through you, I think you’re really running the risk of not developing the stamina and creating the change you are meant to bring in. It’s like assuming you know more than the divine does about how and why it created you. It’s the difference between having the strength to love through anything, standing in those convictions in your life, and not doing your souls work. Additionally by doing this you’re often only breading the lines of disconnection so that they’re darker and firmer.
I think it’s really more about turning towards the support you receive in continuing with the people who want what you do, and then using that to launch your stamina to love another or others in a deeply profound way, to continue the conversation in nonreactivity and have the stamina to not go anywhere when they are reactive to you. I think there are ways to do both simultaneously. And until more people are ready to honor the hard work of routinely turning to another we perceive in shadow, when the divine has directed them to us (or us to them,) in addition to the ones that want to come along for the ride, we’re really missing a huge opportunity for evolution. And I think the stamina for that change starts small. I mean can you imagine what would’ve happened differently in the world if MLK Jr. had backed down the first time someone said or did something in retaliation? Yes I realize this was also his demise. But he did a lot of profound work during this time as well. I don’t think most average people will have more than a few of these experiences in their lifetime. Or even under such harsh circumstances. But this is what turning towards your target group is meant to give you the stamina to do on occasion.
Because frankly put if this weren’t about business do you know how few conversations you’d ever have with anyone? Not only because you’re saying something that they don’t want to hear. But also because so many people are so self focused without realizing it. Heck if Apple did that they never would’ve launched the iPhone since there was no market for it, no interest, and no desire for it due to the touch screen. And now touchscreens have nearly wiped out blackberrys and all other phone devices. The same things happened with computers and the internet back in the day. The question was “why would I want to have a file sent to me that fast?” No one wanted this stuff because they didn’t see the value in it. Now our lives often don’t function well without it.
I agree that I don’t think you need to seek these people out in your marketing. They’ll find you. But there’s a difference. It also goes farther than, and I’m not even sure it’s about, listening to others criticisms about of you and/or your business. I get that you don’t want to play that game. But it seem like it’s merely swapping another game for the one you’re articulating here. A game defining your worth and purpose in the world through how others dictate you should be rather than the divine. I see a lot of people using this as stance as cop out lately. Saying “I don’t want to give to those that don’t want what I have to give” or less eloquently “You need to be open to receive me/I don’t think what I’m saying is landing with you/etc” as a way to dismiss very valid points of interest, criticism, and truth coming from another party. I’m not saying that’s what you’re specifically doing here yourself or promoting. But it bares the questions are you doing something (on not doing something) because you’re not called to? Or are you doing this because you don’t have the belief and faith the divine guiding you in your basic goodness, when someone’s telling you or making you feel that you aren’t good, and you don’t have the esteem or faith in the divine to know otherwise.
It’s not about someone else seeing you as a valuable resource. It’s about you knowing that you are. Because when you live knowing that you are a resource, and that it’s your role to steward the resources through your spirit as directed by the divine, resources you never knew existed let alone you thought you had, begin to come through you to serve the world. Otherwise you’re not bringing the full fruition of your spirit into the the world to animate the life before your eyes in a way that’s empowering the world. It’s like a lamp recognizing it’s “a lamp” but it doesn’t realize that to do it’s best work it needs to be plugged in and in so isn’t doing it. You do have to be really developed to do this well. But each time you have the opportunity to experience this change in your life through someone or something standing before you asking this of you (often not directly but spiritually,) you’re in fact learning and cultivating a non-icky way of bringing change into the world by developing a back bone. Because I think the reason people don’t do this and back away, in a small part, is because they don’t have the esteem to realize or believe that of the ways people routinely shove their crap down each others throats, their fear of divine surrender/lack of skill there/lack of cultivation in guidance, etc., is the only thing stopping them in doing it in a dignified way with integrity. Even when/if the other person has a lot of reactivity to this, and claims to you that you are in fact shoving this down their throats or are unkind. It’s ok as long as you know you’re doing nothing more than standing in a profound love for them, humanity, and the world as the divine guides your way. Because you don’t know what the divine point of this situation or interaction was/is meant to be. To be in surrender and cultivate that in your life is to not know, and not need to know, that any and every action you take needs to have a point to it. To do anything less even when/if your heart has expanded in compassion for another, really has the potential to reject the gift the divine was dropping at your door step for you, another and the world. Each case is different but you have to challenge yourself to know.
But maybe what I’m talking about falls under the nuanced umbrella you spoke of. In that case I would’ve much preferred and article addressing those nuances, the difference between another persons personal reactivity to you versus guidance to serve, and how to incorporate them into your business. Because I feel like this message is going out a lot in the world. And I don’t think it’s creating what it claims to be doing.
It’s actually like to do what you’re talking about here is to create a sandbox, invite everyone that wants in, don’t exclude the ones that don’t want in but don’t cater to them either. And so then all we have are buckets and buckets of sandboxes that are huge and fully developed and dreamy like only willy wonka could create, but in a vacuum by lacking the interrelationship of all things, the other sandboxes, and oneness. By not building a bridge to the other sandboxes and to the people that are linked there through a person coming at you not wanting your message, you are not opening to the creation of connection. Because you’re missing the gift of sharing those insights with the person who’s coming at you like that, so they can develop them themselves with what you’re saying (or not – there’s choice and free will here at play too,) and take that knowledge back to their sandboxes and begin to open loose the change there (at a glacial pace) so that one day all the sandboxes will merge together in oneness. It’s not that you want to orient yourself away from building the dream. It’s that you want to use that energy to support the visibility and the potential to share that dream in the places that probably need it even more. You probably just don’t need to share that way as often.
***Also it’s breeding not breading in the above comment!
Hi Kira- beautiful and very expansive and detailed response- I love it! I think you wrote the much more nuanced point. 🙂 I was making a very specific point, and perhaps I didn’t make it clear enough- there are people who are asking very sincere questions, or bringing alternative points of view, and there are people who are openly hostile and adversarial. I love the former, I don’t so much enjoy the latter.
I also wasn’t talking about kicking the guy out of the workshop. I just realized that I gave -all- of my energy to appeasing him, rather than opening my field of vision to include those who were really wanting what I was bringing.
What I see with heart-centered entrepreneurs is much more a tendency to zero in on the person who is being hostile and trying to convince them- rather than really engaging and giving to the people who want what they are bringing.
I have enjoyed tremendously being stretched over the years, and being able to see people with so much more compassion. My container is much wider, and I can stand with many more types of people, even ones that some other people might label “difficult” which I don’t see as much any more.
And I still make a difference between open hostility and the sincerity of someone who is asking questions that really matter to them. I didn’t reveal that my best guess is that the guy was angry with his wife for being involved with a spiritual path he didn’t like, and he was zinging me to get at her.
Incidentally, a year later, he and I had a really good connection, once he moved through some of his stuff, and I moved through some of mine. 🙂
LoL! Yeah sorry sometimes when I start thinking…I just end up writing it out…a lot…and the next thing I know I have a ten page essay on my hands!
On one level I agree with you and on another level something still isn’t resonating fully for me. And so I wonder if this is a clarity issue again or something else at play.
To start though, I am glad you clarified what you did. Because I also see that I’ve been caught witnessing people who identify as heart centered using this/these concepts in a way that’s really destructive. I’ve been seeing a lot of people thinking that because someone isn’t their target audience they need to forcibly remove them. I’ve noticed that people seem to get into hissy fits lately if the client isn’t doing exactly what they wanted. It’s been odd seeing that around. When someone is asking questions sincerely or offering another point of view and the practitioner doesn’t like it and/or becomes reactive to it, the automatic response seems to be “you’re not my right client,” which doesn’t always seem accurate to me. And then they go into this weird energy not to convince. But like coerce/beat down/control/manipulate the person into submission that they’re “right” if the client isn’t agreeing with them. I’ve witnessed a lot of heart centered people treat one another this way, and then flop their stuff onto the other person, when the person has decided not to concede to them. This often turns into using, or expressing rather, spiritual concepts as a way to kind of lull the person (client) into disempowerment. Like giving appreciation or compassion to coerce the client into agreeing with them or something such as that. It’s often similar to how and why I see people using false apologies. You recognize the power in apologizing, so you give one, but without really taking accountability or witnessing that you’ve caused another harm, same thing here. Its not about sharing from the practitioner to client, it becomes dominance and control. I’m always so so bummed out by that. It actually creates a deep deep level of disturbance in my body to see spiritual teachings get used like this. And so this line “only give to those who want what you have to give,” along with a few others I’ve noticed lately, seems to have gotten warped somehow in practice for some people. So I wonder then if maybe a good topic would be about learning discernment to know when you’re bs-ing yourself, in your own heart centered view of yourself and what you’re doing. How to make sure you’re being accountable and not duping yourself that how you’re behaving is heart centered if it’s not. For example making sure the work your putting out isn’t from your private agenda of (unhealed,vengeance-y) past pain rather than wisdom. But that would be a really rough topic to cover in a tender way with heart centered people! Because my guess is if you’re doing that in the first place, it’s for a deep illusion.
I agree that there’s a difference between the two types of, and also how to navigate, people that are (we’ll say here) sincere versus hostile. I wonder though if what you’re talking about is more like putting human logic on divine logic. Which doesn’t seem wise to me. There are really tiny minuscule things I’ve been guided to do that seem stupid, pointless and irrelevant to me. Flash forward days, weeks, months and even years later and I found it it was a huge deal that I did that in the past. Maybe it’s not you I that had this talk with, or you’re not behind this type of belief, and I’m confusing you with other teachers. So I apologize if that’s the case. So for me I wonder, and maybe this is where I am not following clearly, how does it work then to be like “well…maybe not this way because it’s really painful on me to do it like this (in terms of following the path unfolding to you with a gentlemen like this story?)” It’s like someone praying to the divine for a laundry list of things, and the divine says “you can have them all but only if you leave your million dollar job” or move to Timbuktu. And the person is like “mmmm no thanks. I take it back I don’t want it.” Or maybe with this new thing of “life’s too short to be around “negative” people.” But what if those people are there to gift you with a huge piece of empowerment through the wisdom you achieve in the experience? I see these hostile people as steps on our individual evolution and our global evolution as well – and huge steps at that. It takes a lot to be one of those people. Just as it takes a lot to hold one of those people. Because I wonder then if this begins to turn into a pick and choose situation. I want all this stuff, but only under certain conditions, and in the ways I want them to unfold. It seems like a big incongruency to me. Trying to control guidance and the divine rather than be an instrument. And I get it, it’s not the popular choice to live like this. But then I wonder how we’re not rejecting a very powerful gift of an experience from the divine when done this way.
The person coming at you like the man in the article really might have needed what you had to offer— genuinely! It’s very logical to avoid, and want to minimize, open hostility from situations and people in your life. Frankly because it feels like crap being on the receiving end of this! While I agree that you don’t necessarily need to suffer, sometimes the growing pains are like labor, and they are really painful. But even in that pain you can find ease when surrendering to the divine. The thing is that no one really knows how each interaction is meant to play out and what affect it’s meant to have on the world, divine logic verses human logic. In the example you give with the man, the way he treated you in the group could have been a part of his personal evolution process. Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten to the place he was a year later had you not stood with him in it. And maybe the people in the group learned not only the things you intended to teach that day, but witnessed the profound grace of someone handling themselves (presumably well 🙂 ) within a situation like that, or found a deepened level of compassion within themselves. That type of experience is hard to come by, learning and seeing another stand in that adversity is invaluable to people.
I view this to be in practice more like I would presume parents of small children behave in certain circumstances. Since I don’t have children myself I can’t say this for sure. But my guess is that when they’re babies learning to do things like crawl and walk there are times when you sit with them and let them practice. You sit and lovingly gaze at them while they are writhing around trying and learning how to get their bodies to work to satisfy their biological impulses such as walking. They already know innately what to do. But they have to work through figuring out the how within their bodies. There’s little you can, or probably should do, to help this process other than sit with them and clear space out of the way to make it easier for them to move around. And the most effective thing is probably gazing lovingly and offering encouragement for the methods they’re using to get there that are oriented towards light. But that’s all you can really do.
It’s not that you want to give all of your energy to the hostile person, that easily leads to disempowerment for both parties (a’la giving all of yourself to appeasing rather than backing up and finding the direction the divine wanted you to take to build the stamina within your soul and the light for another,) and others not getting their needs met from you because you gave all you could to one person. It’s easy to get sucked into it this in the moment like that. But it’s like how a small child will sometimes have a temper tantrum when they’re really really tired and scream at you that they’re not tired. But you know if you stand with them for just two more seconds they’ll be out cold. Because I wonder that if just because a person is hostile that they don’t want what a practitioner is giving them is accurate or not. Some of the most openly hostile people I’ve seen, the ones with deep deep suffering, are the ones calling out for this thirst the most. They just don’t realize that the fight they’re putting up, the internal suffering, is whats blocking the receipt of the love they’re needing here. And I wonder if sometimes the divine asks to work through us to give and embody the needed grace and allow it to work through you to them.
I think the divine doesn’t necessarily want you to suffer, nor (I’m going to assume here) that you and I don’t want another to suffer necessarily either. But I wonder if we turn away because it gets hard. And we don’t realize that there’s a difference between suffering and merely being in a hard, challenging, situation. That even when it’s challenging, like with a hostile person, you can find great ease in the hardness when in divine surrender. That people create the suffering for themselves because they’re not leaning into the hard challenge at hand. And so what I wonder whats happening with these hostile people is that it’s the divine is making the practitioner the container saying “you have the stamina and power to help here, this is your role, follow my lead, let me move through you.” Every time the guidance moves through me to do this with someone I groan inside because it’s rough for everyone involved. The persons usually all like “you’re awful…and a hypocrite.. and arrogant…and I know you are but what am I…and your a stinky butt doody head” 🙂 And you just kinda have to find it in yourself to love them, not take it personally, and lean into how the divine is guiding you to proceed and trust that guidance– every piece of it—-even when it’s bizarre. For me I envision myself as a tall, strong, firm, but wildly loving and nurturing mother before a small baby alligator (in this case the man from your story) whose wrestling with themselves because they think they’re caught in a net, but they’re not. They might scream at you, tell you you’re horrible, etc. But the point is to stand there with them and love them, gently prompting and guiding where needed to offer love and opportunities for empowerment.
What makes it even harder is that usually the people that are drafted into this kinda work by the divine are highly sensitive, and tender, and deeply feeling. So it hurts that much more getting hit with this stuff. And makes us all that much more interested in pulling back and opting out of stretching into this place within our souls. But it’s also why I think they’re drafted in the first place. Because they have the skill set to sense how to navigate murky waters efficiently. The point you make about it stretching your heart muscles is true here. But I also see this working, when done this way, as growing into your soul. So there’s two types of expansion going on. There’s a difference between opening the compassion horizontally (what I imagine the stretching you’re speaking to) within the heart chakra area and having it being thread through empowerment that’s vertical. It’s like a tree that magically has it’s branches and leaves being suspend for it in mid air. But to be a fully empowered tree it needs the power of a strong tree trunk to suspend it. Like the leaves and branches are in place, but the trunk is missing. Or the leaves and branches are there but they’re not fully connected to the tree. I’m postulating that these hostile people are in part what give the practitioner great power and expands the load that one can carry. But only when in service and surrender to the divine. This always reminds me of the great strength of the civil rights activists because it takes an incredible amount of strength to love in an empowered way. It’s not just about how expansive your heart is to receive. But whats powering it and how it’s grounded from your soul within your being to create and be more light than matter. And so cultivating this skill set to use your sensitivity in ways that you no longer take personally, because you trust the divine fully, is where it’s at.
Yikes!…. another long one! 🙂
Wow, Kira! You go! I think you’ve got some great thoughts here. I think, to give a shorter reply than you deserve here, that I wasn’t saying you need to avoid those situations, and I wouldn’t have ejected the person. But I think he could have gotten what he needed, I gotten what I needed, without focusing all of my attention on that person trying to convince them, rather than caring for the people who were neglected by my myopic, fear-driven responses.
To repeat: I’m not saying ignore him or reject him, or turn away from what shows up for me. But to not disappear into my reactivity and forget the others who were there as well.
I’m actually not questioning that you should/n’t throw people out, or ignore/reject them, or to stay centered and not go into reactivity. I question if by realizing the need to not turn towards your own myopic fear driven response to placate this one man (to the exclusion of others in the group,) you’re essentially turning towards another –less obvious perhaps– myopic fear driven response (something like your path isn’t being guided by the divine, you’re not providing for the other people and therefore feel bad about the class/services you’ve provided, fearing that what you are providing doesn’t have worth etc.)
I’m frankly saying that you don’t know how you were to proceed in class unless you’ve surrendered to allowing divine guidance to direct your decisions, actions, and words above all else. It seems like there’s an assumption being made that there is a “right” way to proceed? And what you’re saying is more palatable and based in societal integrity. However I thought the point of heart-centeredness was to base decisions and your life in the guidance of divine integrity and living within that field of grace. Not what we presume to be correct based on our own private agenda and how we presume we should be based on the societal model and how it seeks to define us (apparently) even in our heart-centeredness. It seems like you’re putting how you think you should be behaving heart-centeredly over actually being heart-centered.
Btw I’m not saying you don’t have personal integrity, or others don’t, or anything like that. I’m stating that there is a huge difference basing decisions from how you think things should be heart-centered (often what and how we believe social integrity is/should be,) versus what the guidance is telling you is heart-centered.
Hi Kira- I hear you. You’re bringing in a lot of nuance, and that’s a good thing, just was a little outside the scope of the original article. To live surrendered to Divine guidance is an enlightened state, not one I claim for myself. I have access to inspiration in my heart, which I take to be the fragrance of Divine movement, and follow it to the best of my ability. I find it helpful to remember what I’ve learned from Islam- there is “haqiqah”- the truth of the heart that comes from the Divine, and there is “shari’ah”- the guidance that comes from external sources.
Sometimes it can be very hard in the moment to discern the truth of the heart, especially when we’re challenged, and in those moments we can lean into general principles to help us regain our center and redirect our attention. I find the general principle “teach to those who want to receive” to be really helpful guidance, based in Divine wisdom and guidance from my own teachers and lineage, and subject to redirection if we feel strong guidance to the contrary.
I hope that helps explain more where I was coming from in the article.
I spent years writing more in-depth, nuanced work, and find that I’m yearning to have a lighter touch to my writing. I find that it leaves space for exactly these kinds of conversations to open up, and to engage people in thinking for themselves. Fun!
Bless your heart! This applies to many things. My takeaway: Give to the people who want what you have to offer. It is a daily ritual to choose this. It is a discipline un-focus myself from the irritating, ungrateful voices that are frankly selfish… wanting to fit everything into their own perspective or worldview. Frankly, they are undeserving of my effort, health, sanity, time. My job is not to convince them of something else, but focus on where I can blossom.
Well said, Joanne. So true.
-d
Great points, but I have an issue with the political cheap shot.
“Global warming denier” is a pejorative term, which is derogatory and insulting to those who don;t agree. I am a skeptic .. I don’t think the science is settled, nor do I think the remedies being pressed will work.
My conclusion is that the global warming Nazis use language such as this because they want to shut down debate.
That you choose to insult those who disagree with you is disappointing.
Hi Tom- I’m sorry you feel that way. I don’t actually think the science is up for debate at all. 97%+ of the world’s scientists agree that climate change is happening and that human activity is causing it. The majority of the world’s governments are taking action. The insurance companies, of all people, are treating it as real, as is the US Department of Defense (except when directed by members of Congress to ignore the science.) I’m not going to debate you, and I’m clear about my position. It’s not open to debate, although what we do about it is.
For the purpose of this discussion I grant the premise.
Does being correct justify hurling such a nasty insult at those who are incorrect?
“Denier” is a pejorative with terrible inferences. Do you really consider me a Nazi because I am do not hold the orthodox view?
Hi Tom, I’ll respond, and then just let it go. I didn’t use the word “nazi”- confused why you are bringing that in here, and in your post before. At this point, because of the urgency of the situation with global warming, the real impact that is being felt by millions of people (drought, wildfires, hurricanes, flooding, crop failures) I consider anyone who is debating whether it’s happening it or not to simply be denying the reality of what’s happening.
No, you used the word “denier”, which evokes “holocaust denier” and is used with the same level of disrespect and derision. It is clearly used to insult. The compelling need to insult those who disagree is a general red flag about the validity of the position.
I’m not a young man. I remember the same level of urgency and the same “consensus” around DDT, overpopulation, nuclear plants, and the dwindling oil supply. In each case, not only was the “consensus” wrong, it was spectacularly wrong. The IPCC has admitted cooking the books. They simply can’t be trusted.
Tom- I was taught that it’s rude to just walk away. I want to wish you peace on your path, and to note that we have very different perspectives on what’s happening in the world, that aren’t just different perspective of what to do, but different versions of what we consider to be truth and factual. Without an agreement on what’s actually happening, I don’t think we can have a productive discussion. I wish you the best.
Truly enlightening article.. “The loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room.” – Frank Lucas (Denzel Washington), American Gangster
I love this article’s example, Mark.
It’s so cute