Updated 2/3/21
I’ve written about networking from the heart before. Here, and here, and here.
However, there’s another piece that I’ve worked with clients quite deeply, and it’s the challenge around “becoming visible.” The whole being visible piece can be vulnerable, and even scary, for many people.
It often comes up just when someone is about to launch a new website, or step out into a social media platform that’s new for them, or maybe go to an event they’ve never been to before.
Even people that are normally pretty confident can find themselves caught in surprisingly impactful ways by this fear of being visible. It’s not fun, because it undermines your business in significant ways, keeping you from connecting with new people who could be clients or referral sources.
There’s definitely a healing component to this, but there’s also a surprising reality that can make the healing process much easier and smaller.
You see, the image most people have (maybe you, too?) of launching or stepping out is one of suddenly stepping out from behind a curtain onto a stage, with the spotlights on you and thousands of people looking at you, highlighting every flaw and vulnerability.
Most people, when I talk to them about becoming visible, they have some version of this feeling. Notice if that’s true for you, too.
There’s two things to know about this idea.
The first is that it’s totally false!
Although that can be a downer for the quick-fix-to-riches crowd, for you and other heart-centered people, it’s actually a relief.
Think about it. Especially if you are newer in business, if you launch your website, no one will see it or know it’s there until you tell them about it. If you start on a new social media platform, you have few, if any connections.
Even stepping into a room at a networking event, people are already busy doing other things, and may not even notice your arrival.
This is actually a beautiful set-up, because it means you don’t have to do two hard things at once. Like writing a brand new web page that you are excited about but still feeling vulnerable about, but then unveil it to thousands of people.
Instead, you can launch it, show it to a few trusted people, get feedback. Gain confidence. Then share it more.
The second thing to know is that for folks who do step onto a stage in front of thousands of people, they’ve prepared for it by doing the above.
When I reveal something to you and the rest of our audience, it’s true that it, and me, are suddenly in front of thousands of people. The other truth is that this is something I’ve had a lot of practice at.
I practiced first in front of no one. Then in front of 10 or 20 or 50. Then 100, then a few hundred, then a thousand! Then… that’s how my business grew, over time, and I got used to showing up in front of larger and larger crowds.
When I have something brand new that I’m doing, I have two things in my favor, as does anyone in a similar situation:
- The learned experience in my physical body that nothing bad will happen, regardless of how it goes.
- I show whatever it is, if it’s truly brand-new and I’m feeling vulnerable, to a smaller circle of my team, my mastermind group, and our Learning Community.
Nervousness and vulnerability may never really truly go away, and if you talk to most performers, they always have at least a bit of stage fright.
Please hear that: I’m not saying, or expecting, that you “shouldn’t” have issues with visibility or vulnerability. I’m also not suggesting that you should ever step out onto a stage, unless you want to. You may prefer to keep to smaller, more personal ways of networking – which is fantastic.
However, you might also find, if you embrace the truth of this reality, that your need for healing is less intense and acute.
If stepping out is gradual, smaller-scale, and doesn’t involve being suddenly thrust onto a stage without preparation, maybe you can handle this whole visibility thing after all.
With love,
Mark Silver, M.Div.
Heart of Business, Inc.
Every act of business can be an act of love.
7 Responses
Very timely post for my partner and for me, Mark–thank you!
Randy is busy working on his Heart-Centered website and hoping to launch it with a newsletter very soon, something that brings me huge smiles:)
I’m offering an afternoon of in-person free consults in a couple weeks at the yoga studio where I attend classes twice daily. The announcement just appeared in their newsletter and is posted on a big events board at the studio. Teachers also announce it at the start of each class (very briefly, alongside other coming events). I suddenly feel extra-shy and exposed.
I also feel incredibly grateful that I followed your guidance and opted for a “one-on-one stage” when it comes to the event itself. That makes a tremendous difference in my nervousness and fear around it. Now, it’ll be more like what I usually do in sessions–rather than an exercise in public speaking.
Of course, the studio owner also keeps inviting me to networking events (the sort where you stand up and give a 30-second commercial). I keep declining…just feels like it wouldn’t be worth the payoff for me, give how much aversion I have to such things.
You are so welcome, Dana- so glad it struck a chord! I can’t wait to see Randy’s website, and to hear about the outcomes of your networking. 🙂
Fantastic post. Thanks for this Mark.
Being more “out there,” and more vulnerable is still something I keep coming back around to time and time again as I grow and stretch myself and my business. There are lots of layers around this for me. I’ve found working with sovereignty is an amazingly effective way to shift my emotional charges around being “exposed.”
In my website business, I used to see almost all of my clients pause at the 95% mark. I saw it so much at one point, that I pondered putting my energy medicine/energy psychology to work to offer clients sessions around being at peace flying their “freak flag” (or no so freaky perhaps).
Interestingly, as I continue to work with the HoB tools, on my sovereignty, and more and more with my ideal tribe I see the “pause before the finish line” less and less.
That’s super-interesting to hear, Casper–how many clients press pause at the 95% mark before going live with their sites…and how this is shifting as your own process and work unfold, bringing in your “ideal tribe.”
Casper- thank you! And I’m so interested in the shift in dynamics with your clients, in that they aren’t pausing as often at the 95% mark. I’m guessing it’s a combo of your strength as a guide, and perhaps just finding different kinds of clients.
Thanks for this post Mark – what a great coincidence. I haven’t blogged in many months, and I just happen to have posted one yesterday about networking confidently!
As you know, I used to be paralysed by the fear of visibility, and it’s taken me many years of stepping out, slowly and carefully, to get to where I am now! It was my experience within the Heart of Business community that really helped me with those first ‘public’ encounters. You’re so right, that we can learn how to step out and be visible in our business in baby steps, and have a new physical experience that nothing bad will happen. That’s how we stretch our wings safely! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Ann- coincidences are the spice of life! Fun to b in sync. And yay for stretching your wings!