My nearly eight-year-old son Sam crushes us all in a memory matching game. You know, those games where you set out cards face down, and there are matching pairs of pictures, in this case your friendly neighborhood Spiderman and some of his villains. The best I can do playing Sam is tie him— I’ve only beaten him once (Note: I just beat him again! That makes our over all score 1578 to 2). The rest of the time he crushes me, or anyone he plays.
The same son was emotionally crushed when his brother won a 3rd place trophy in their first karate tournament, and he didn’t.
I’m sure they will both crush me when they are old enough to know I wrote about this here… father’s prerogative… at least I’m not showing baby pictures to their first romantic interests.
Anyhoo… I’m only telling you this to say that there’s always someone better than you are at something. If you’re playing the game in your own mind that you need to be the best at what you do in order to be successful at it, then you are doing yourself, and your clients, a real disservice.
There’s always someone better at doing all the things you do. Someone better at marketing, someone better at delivering your product or service, someone better at systems, someone better at… everything. And so what? You are still able to do great things without needing to compare yourself to others.
I know you know this, in your mind at least even if you still get caught in it. But it’s *really* critical that you get this, for two big reasons. Thankfully, my Sufi teachers had an unexpected answer for this extremely common dynamic of questioning ourselves and undermining our own confidence.
The First Critical Reason: This is what our dysfunctional economy and marketplace is built on.
If someone is up, then someone else has to be down. If someone wins, someone else has to lose. It hurts our hearts, it destroys our communities, and something worse.
The worse is that this sense of competition means that things continue to speed up, faster and faster and faster, until we are working impossibly long days, impossibly long weeks, without breathing. This dynamic contributes directly to climate change.
The Second Critical Reason: Competition destroys the fragile ecosystem of support that you may, or could be, cultivating.
When I started out in business, Robert Middleton of Action Plan Marketing is who I learned a ton from. I sent so many people to buy his products and services, and I’m still really happy to refer people to him.
Similarly, Tad Hargrave at Marketing for Hippies is a true brother of the heart for me in this life and in this industry. Again, I’ve referred a ton of people to Tad, and no one has every complained to me.
Others include Layla Saad who brings a strong feminist, mystical and anti-oppression perspective to her work in life and business, which is SO needed.
Tea Silvestre. Tea has an openness and strength in her support of story – people I know rave about her, and she’s a lovely person to talk to.
It must be in the water, because my friend, and would-be (but really not at all) competitor Pam Slim just wrote on this same topic.
The answer from my Sufi teachers
What I hear most from our clients about this topic, is that they are asking themselves, “Who am I to do this, when this person or that person is already doing it?”
The answer here is to do something very simple, that I learned from my Sufi teachers.
Because it’s a legitimate question, your heart is really wondering “Who am I to do this?” You don’t want to avoid the question, what you want to do is really ask it.
I explain the full process here: make the question real.
Three things, for three different situations.
Thing 1: Close to Ithaca, NY? Join me October 30.
I’m leading a half-day in-person workshop. We’re about half full at this point, and I’d love to meet you.
Click: October 30 half-day with Mark
Thing 2: Small Group Coaching with Steve
Steve Mattus, our Director of Education and Community Manager, has become a close friend of mine over these past years. He and I work closely together in guiding Heart of Business, and his skill and wisdom as a coach, as a healer, and as someone experienced in small business development is incredible.
And the guy has one of the biggest hearts ever.
He’s been working with clients, doing amazing work with them, and now he’s starting a small coaching group. If you’re interested, there are only 6 spots. I recommend it highly. Yollana Shore and myself both also have spots in our small group coaching as well.
Click: Small coaching group
Thing 3: Scholarships still available for November Heart Sessions Retreat
I’m leading a 4 day retreat called the Heart Sessions. It’s a deep dive for those who need to delve more deeply into their business from a place of sincere heart connection, and also need the practical business strategy as well.
We have a few scholarship positions left.
To be considered for a partial scholarship, here’s what I’d like you to do:
First: Check out the retreat, and make sure you can get yourself there.
Because considering a scholarship will take time and attention, I want you to be sure that you can be there. Check your calendar, and make sure you can schedule the travel to get here and home again.
Second: Check in your heart and see what you can offer.
Our approach of “Pay from the heart” does not mean hurting yourself and giving what you can’t give, but it also doesn’t mean getting so caught in fear that you offer less than feels right to your heart. It means being honest, humble and connected to your heart, and finding what you can offer financially without hurting yourself.
Third: Use the form on the Retreat page to tell us three things.
The three things we want to hear are:
– Why you want to attend the retreat, including what is going on in your business, and what you hope to get from the retreat.
– How familiar you are with Heart of Business teachings and approach.
– What your heart offering would be for the Retreat, and your confirmation that, if accepted, you can be there.
Perfect! Go take a look and let me know:
Click here: The Heart Sessions November Retreat
[private_Community membership]
Heart of Business Community Update
As a community member, here’s quick access to resources and conversation!
Ready for spiritual nourishment? Your next Virtual Retreat is scheduled for this Friday, October 21, 2016. Please join us! Register here.
In our Facebook group yet?
In our Facebook group, here are some discussions happening right now:
- What is your experiences with spaciousness and how you create that for yourself and your business? Check out what your fellow Community members are sharing now!
- New members are joining the Community everyday – ever wonder what their interests are or their business offerings? Jump on over to the Community and ‘meet-and-greet’ recent new members – such richness!
These are just 2 of the many discussions happening every day in our active, compassionate group! Don’t yet have access? Click here.
[/private_Community membership]
3 Responses
good one, my friend.
And I actually wanted more on this topic. I wanted to hear more about the Why of critical reason #2. You said you refer to people but I didn’t see you explain more about how cultivating the ecosystem is important and why you refer out to those folks.
Thanks, as always, for what you teach.
Hi Rachel- Hey! I see where I could have filled in more, so glad you asked the question. Here’s the truth: there are billions of people on this planet. If you’re self-employed or otherwise a micro business, the number of people you can ultimately care for as clients is tiny. Even if you are a “huge” brand in the space, with 100,000+ people on an email list, we’re still only talking about thousands of customers.
I live outside Ithaca, NY, in a county that has maybe 100,000 people in it, total. Someone with a huge business like that is serving the equivalent of maybe 3-4% of the population of this rural county I live in. If North America has 565,000,000 people, if Europe has 740,000,000… anyway, I think you get the point.
Competition is a crazy thought at this level. Not that competition doesn’t exist in some ways, and of course nearly everyone in the population is suited to be a client of yours, but the math holds.
The support and friendship and community that comes from being in a diverse ecosystem, and the REFERRALS you can receive (and give) means that we all rise together.
It is hard to turnaround the ingrained idea that the world is a giant ledger book, that the debits have to equal the credits. I’ve been working on this in myself for a long time and have not completely gotten rid of it.
Perhaps I have to delve deeper into the question of who am I to do this, as you suggest.