“I’m so ashamed, so guilty, I almost don’t want to even ask you this. But I keep falling asleep during Remembrance.”
Last Thursday I led another one of our once every two months Virtual Retreats, and during one of the Q&A calls, and that was the question one of the retreatants posed me.
Recently a colleague posed a similar question, complaining that he couldn’t get into his work. He was bored, couldn’t focus on it. He was thinking he needed a butt-kicking, that he was in capital-R Resistance to it for some internal reason.
We, his friends who had been watching his schedule the past six weeks, knew better. This wasn’t resistance.
Are You Resisting, or Just Plain Tired?
Steven Pressfield wrote the provocative The War of Art, a book detailing the resistance any creative person faces in trying to birth something worthwhile. He maintains that you must push through what he calls Resistance, you can’t let it keep you back.
Because he’s been primarily a war history novelist, he can be excused the combative metaphor he uses. And I don’t think he’s wrong.
In Sufism there is the term “jihad” which anyone who has been anywhere near mainstream media these past ten years has become familiar with. However, the term doesn’t mean “war” or “terrorism.” It translates simply as “struggle.”
It names the struggle that all spiritual paths name: the struggle to keep the ego from exerting control over the more noble, more heart-centered, more Divine aspects of the human. The struggle to become our best selves.
This is a worthwhile struggle, and it requires discipline, strength, persistence, compassion, love, and sincerity.
However, sometimes you’re just plain tired. Sometimes it’s not jihad or Resistance. Sometimes you just need a nap. If you push through depletion, you can make yourself sick. If you nap into the jihad, you won’t produce your great work.
How can you tell? There are basically two different assessments I use to discern this critical distinction.
The First Assessment: Who cares?
The first is more of an external distinction. It assumes that you have something you love doing, a project you’re passionate about, a business that you care deeply for, something that you have shown commitment to in the past.
And suddenly you find yourself not caring about it at all. You hate your clients. You’re bored by the project. You can’t focus on it at all. You’re not agitated. You’re not struggling. You just don’t care.
You need a nap. You need a day off. You need to go read a good novel, get a massage, eat some yummy nourishing food. You need rest.
If you still care about it, but you find yourself doing other things that require energy, like cleaning the bathroom, then I’m going to guess it’s Resistance. Time for discipline!
The Second Assessment: The Fog
This is for spiritual practice in particular. When doing Remembrance, or meditating, or in prayer you find yourself on the express train to Nod, and wake up later having drooled on your beads and cushion.
If you find yourself waking up refreshed, if the sleepiness as it approaches you feels very comfortable and inviting, you’re tired.
I’ve noticed that when I do my practices, the Divine tends to give me what I need. Sometimes I need sleep. In leading the Virtual Retreat this past week, during one personal Remembrance, I wasn’t leading the group, it was just me, I totally nodded out. And woke up cheerful, happy, connected. My heart felt full.
The other sensation that can come in during practices is a heaviness, almost a feeling of being smothered or drugged. Your limbs feel like lead, your head feels foggy. If you do fall asleep you wake up groggy and out of it.
This is Resistance. This is the jihad. If you notice that fogginess coming in, then for our practices I recommend students switch from being seated to standing up. To stop doing Remembrance silently, and to start chanting loudly, forcibly.
Not with the energy of pushing anything away, but with the intention to cling strongly to the Divine, to not let any cloud come between you and your heart’s Source. Usually a few minutes of this will clear the fog, and you can settle back into a quieter practice.
Too Much Attention Is Given to Resistance
In our overworked, under-rested, under-played culture, Resistance is given too much attention, in my humble opinion. It exists. It needs to be faced when it’s there. The jihad is a worthy one.
My heart tells me that a great deal of the Resistance is actually our hearts telling us, “You’ve done enough for now. Slow down. Rest. Breathe.”
Creative projects are a labor of love, and love can’t be properly served if you can hardly keep your eyes open. Don’t be so quick to judge yourself as being resistant, beloved.
Instead, take moment in your heart to discern whether it might be depletion. If it is, the rest you give yourself will mean you’ll find a lot more love and inspiration available for the creative work that is waiting to be born. You’ll also find the strength and steadfastness to walk through Resistance when it shows up.
How about you? How do you discern resistance versus depletion?
29 Responses
thanks Mark – A wonderful little share of wisdom….
I “heart” the new logo on your newsletter!!!!!
=^)
I appreciate your message, Mark. You made the two areas pretty clear. I’m just really tired and need a holiday/break/rest. Clarity and vision often comes from a quiet, peaceful place and is circular in nature-keeping the flow moving forward.
Thanks for the good words,
Nancy
Wow, Mark – were you inside my head on Monday of this week? Your article is spot-on……I had been “hoping” that what I was feeling was simply “depletion” [or perhaps something “marinating” a bit….] rather than resistance [although “that” worried/critical voice was also present inside]. And today – a new day, moving forward again!
Thanks for this, Mark. So often it *is* that I need a nap. Or meditation. Or some time away from “getting things done”. And so often it feels like I don’t have time to take a break. After all, the reason I’m working so hard is I’m barely making it, or more precisely I’m trying to move past the place where I’m barely making it. I feel like I “don’t have time” to stop and rest, when in reality I’m wasting all kinds of time working ineffectively and generally being grouchy.
I’m just finishing up the 6 month Moneyflow course. The best thing, by far, that I got out of it was a re-orientation toward working with ease, and realizing that working harder is not always the only way to move things forward. (Thank you, Yollana!)
I found a book recently called “You Don’t Have to Come Home From Work Exhausted.” It gets a little academic in parts, but the upshot is you work better if you take mini-vacations regularly — a weekend, a day, an hour, 3 minutes. And suggests ideas for all the above time frames. It’s so worth having a list of 5-minute vacations, right next to the computer. (get out the slinky. look at my vacation pics. put on a song and dance around the room. eat a marshmallow. whatever.)
I’m also really trying to be committed to meditation every day, and to taking at least one weekend day, preferably two, to do absolutely nothing productive. In the midst of desperately wanting to get my website up, already, I’m losing that a little, but it does make a huge difference. Thanks for the reminder!
Mark,
It’s incredible how timely this is for me as I sit here with the headache that I’ve had since Monday because I promised myself that I would take this week off and unplug and so far that has not happened.
Since our last Opening the Moneyflow class which was on June 15th I have known that I needed to take a serious break. I knew that it was fatigue and not resistance because I was dissociating from things–missing deadlines, showing up at the wrong times for client appointments, and forgetting to do stuff entirely.
There was so much that my mind wanted to process after the class that I just couldn’t concentrate on business tasks. All I wanted to do was to go somewhere in nature and stare into space until things came into focus again.
We get into this cycle where we just keep working, as if the answer to overwhelm is to just work more–when in fact the answer to overwhelm is to take a break.
Jeff Brown put it very well: “…the real work happens between the peaks, while laying down integrating on the valley floor…”
Thank you so much for reminding me today about what I most need to hear. You seem to have a great talent for that 😉
In about 4 hours I’ll be shutting it down until Tuesday. I hope you’ve inspired everyone who reads here to take some time off. It’s the medicine we all need to keep doing what we do.
xoxo
Cathy
Hi Mark,
We all need more naps. I love to lounge. I get active and expound lots of energy, then I want to slump in the divan.
Our society drives folks to omit the nap by always being busy 24/7. You aren’t nonstop busy? You are a loser, lazy. Even children are being driven to forgo napping in the name of learning, when you don’t really learn when lashed to a desk.
Collective insanity.
Some of what we call resistance is probably just an indirect way of saying we need to relax, to repair, to rejuvenate.
I just read the other day that lazy can be really good, that lazy folks are good on a project because they often find the most efficient way to do something.
Life/work is not meant to be this endless race to some meaningless place. Enjoy the ride and that includes the naps.
Did I digress? If so, I’m glad … Enjoy the wander.
G.
@Giulietta ~ What a conundrum ~ “Resistance to Resting”!
My current flavor of that^^^ is ‘variations on “forgetting to eat” or “no time to cook”!’ Just as unhealthy and un-helpful …
@Mark ~ Thanks, too, for the reminder of Mr. Pressfield’s frame as “war novelist” – it helps to keep his language in perspective, and let one get past that, to his valid points!
Bright Blessings ~ K
Karen- you are so welcome. If you know someone’s frame, it helps so much in connecting, eh?
Hey, Mark,
You are right — we can feel the difference between fatigue and resistance if we stop to be aware of it. At the same time, while tired or in resistance, it can be hard to get that awareness!
So I like to check a measurable, external marker on this one. I ask, “Are you getting eight hours of sleep each night?”
Anna
Thanks, Mark.
I recently read Pressfield’s book and while I really liked parts of it, other parts didn’t sit right. As a yoga teacher I see people push through what they think is Resistance but is really their natural limits or body wisdom.
Thanks for naming this and giving a useful measuring stick.
All the best (and a nap when you need one),
Michelle
Mark,
Love that you shared this. I have a tendency to push, push, push and lately I feel my body and soul saying “Oh, honey, you need a nap. Rest your sweet self.” So thanks for the gentle and loving reminder.
Also have to comment on your Notes From the Heart. When I read “Maybe you feel like you’re sitting there with an infant business, beautiful, gorgeous … but it doesn’t do much except eat and poop,” I thought I would fall out of my chair laughing. And then I let it sink deeper and realized that I have an infant business … and I fell in love with it all over again, seeing its light, and its full potential, just like I did with my now 17-year-old when she was a babe in my arms.
So thank you for that!
Much love from my heart to yours,
Michelle
Here is the wisdom I’ve needed all day. After pushing out a book, pushing out page after page of copy for my new website, pushing out ideas for blog posts, pushing through my blog series …. you get the idea… I am fried. I need rest, not more pushing. And these simple, quiet, reasonable assessment suggestions are absolutely perfect. thank you.
Mmmmm naps! I swear by them.
I’ve also made an amazing discovery. If I let myself sleep as long as I want in the afternoon, I wake up feeling groggy & disoriented.
If, however, I set my alarm for 20 minutes (no more, no less), I wake up feeling refreshed and recharged.
I’ve since read that there’s some scientific reason why 20 minutes is optimum for a recharge – something to do with sleep cycles.
SO – if anyone is scared of that post-nap grogginess, try the 20-minute wonder 🙂
Love & gratitude to you, Mark
Cxxxx
I don’t know if I’m resisting or just plain tired. There’s a lot going on for me – decisions to take, some significant challenges to overcome, a very full and busy head. And yesterday I just slept most of the day, and again much sleep today. It feels like my body’s way of reminding me to take care of it … and yet I wonder if it is a way to hide from all that’s going on for me
Oh, Mark,
I loved how this post spoke to my heart! First off, I loved The War of Art and found it helpful when dealing with creative resistance.
Second, I’ve also found that resistance and fatigue come in pairs – discerning the difference is a helpful tool.
In my experience, I find turning towards my resistance to be a powerful spiritual and professional exercise – to ask it, kindly and curiously, “What are you trying to tell me? What do you need?”
When I tune into my resistance, I often find exhaustion underneath – a need to relicabrate, rest, recenter, or replenish (which can be play, fun, or taking a break from work, as you suggested.) It’s not a time to push, but to rest. I cause myself much suffering when I push when I’m needing rest! (I can be a slow learner on this one…)
One of my favorite self-care quotes says something like “the difference between hopelessness and despair is often a good night’s sleep.” Another says “fatigue makes cowards of us all.”
So true!
Thank you, Mark, for the gentle reminder.
In gratitude, Karly
I for me i always wanted to have a nap but sorry i don’t have time for nap i always rush to my work.and there is lots of challenges in work it’s better to do the challenge then rest for eek end..thanks for sharing your thoughts..
Naps have always worked well for me. When my two boys were little they would fall asleep right next to me. Maybe naps remind of me those great times.
It is so important to know the difference between fatigue and resistance. Its a beautiful post. I am going to apply some of the rules you mentioned to myself as well.
Hello Mark…Thanks for the inspiring story you have provided us…I really appreciate it…
I’m so glad to see this distinction outlined so clearly. We are so quick to find fault with ourselves and assume we’re being undisciplined or resistant when often, we’re simply depleted. The last two weeks I’ve consistently been getting a lot of rest for the first time in a year or two and I’m finding myself much more open to life, willing to expend energy, and able to stay calm in frustrating circumstances. Sleep is the foundation on which we build our lives. Highly underrated.
Sue- glad it was so helpful! Isn’t it amazing when you finally get rest?
Well, I like napping, so I’ve definitely experienced the depletion feeling and I give in to it :). I’ve also experienced the resistance devil and you’re right, it’s a sleepiness to the point of feeling drugged. I get excited, nervous and fearful about putting something out there in the world and I’m suddenly too exhausted to work on it. I fall asleep and the sleep is not restful. I don’t have a good solution, although that usually doesn’t continue to happen. After once or twice, my nervousness wears off and I can get to work.
Hi Clair- I’d be interested to hear how it might work if you tried my suggestion for overcoming Resistance- I’d be curious to hear your experience.
Do you mean the loud chanting? I don’t have that practice so I’m not sure how it would work. Leaving the computer and going for a brisk walk sometimes helps, but not always.
Claire- I do mean the Remembrance, strongly. I wouldn’t necessarily call it “chanting.” Just calling the Name of the Divine, strongly, out loud.
I sometimes keep project “notepads” so when I’m frustrated about a project I still try and write in a notepad when thinking about how frustrating it is – mostly bubble brainstorming – but I’ve found it helpful.
thank you, mark. I recently read the war of art and realized that I had a lot of resistance, because I’d spent my whole life never valuing hard work and thinking I could get by with the bare minimum. so then I started working really hard… and went to the other extreme, working so hard without rest. I learned the hard way about avoiding burnout, and now I have to make myself take breaks… 🙂 it’s hard because I finally found something that I WANT to work hard on, but, ahh… I need to take care of myself, too!
You’re welcome, Sui. I’m glad you found something you want to work on- that’s beautiful.