Help From a Drinking Buddy

For much of my life asking for help had always had the flavor of being led to the dentist’s chair- anxious, painful, control lost, and the results weren’t always immediately apparent.

I remember asking for help when I was little, and being teased for not knowing- I can’t even remember what it was about, all I remember is the teasing- and I quickly learned not to ask for help.

In running a business, perhaps you’ve had the same experience. Although getting help can be the single best thing you ever did for your business, it can also be disastrous.

Why can getting help feel so horrible?

I think many of us learned when we were young, especially as adolescents, not to ask for help from our peers because you quickly found that:

– They believe they knew your answer, “the answer,” and gave it to you trying to fix you, which left you more overwhelmed and off-center; or

– They didn’t know the answers any more than you did, and they became overwhelmed being asked; or

– You weren’t clear about what you needed, so you never asked.

That’s enough to make any of us allergic to getting help!

The usual solution is to then figure it out on your own, which works fine when the territory is familiar. But the hard decisions that are at the edge of our learning is where help is most needed, and where we’re least likely to risk asking for it. Besides, if I don’t know, how is my buddy Dan going to know?

The solution to all this is to find a drinking buddy.

For business success you need three things: know-how, which you can get from books, seminars, and other experts. Great, but can be overwhelming. You need clarity, to know which direction you are going in, which is hard to figure out when you are in unknown territory.

But cutting through the overwhelm and getting truly clear when everything is unknown takes spiritual alignment. And one of the hardest efforts of will I’ve ever struggled with is getting myself to stop working and spend time getting aligned, when I’m overwhelmed and unclear. Usually my panicked need to “get it right” which has the same desperate feel as being thirsty in the desert, keeps me working when what my heart and business really need is for me to stop and get aligned.

One of my favorite Sufi teachings is the answer Ibn’ Arabi, that great Sufi sage, gave in response to one seeker’s question: What is Love? Is Love being full?

Ibn ‘Arabi’s answer? “No, Love is not being full. Love is the perfect thirst, so that you never stop drinking.” That thirst you have that I described above, the panic to get it right, is absolutely legitimate, but you need help unblocking the well.

The Remembrance is the easiest way I’ve found to quench that thirst, and to come back into alignment. It’s described in the free workbook. (Links to get your free copy are at the end, if you’ve misplaced yours, or if you haven’t subscribed yet).

And the easiest way I’ve found to make sure that I drink when I need to, instead of working myself into the ground, or going down a blind alley in my business, is to get a drinking buddy.

Accessing intuition and your heart’s wisdom is not a solitary state – it’s a state of deep connection to what’s really true.

You can do it on your own, quite successfully. But it’s even easier if you have someone else who is helping you to connect.

Here’s what I do: Although I do Remembrance on my own every day, I also have several friends, including my wife, who help me sit in Remembrance around my business (among other topics…) at least once or twice a week. I quench my thirst, come back into alignment, and find my overwhelm gone, my clarity clear, and my actions yielding results.

Here’s my recommendation: get yourself two or three drinking buddies for your business. Pick people you like, whom you feel you can let your hair down with, people who are open to learning the Remembrance, or something similar. Make a date with one of them at least once a week. Also, it’s great to have an agreement with them to be available for 5-10 minute “panic button” calls.

Keys to “Help from a drinking buddy”

The great thing about a drinking buddy is that they aren’t there to tell you what to do, but to help you get your own answers.

• Make sure that you and your drinking buddies know the Remembrance, or something similar. Send them to get my free workbook which explains it all.

If you would like to be guided into the Remembrance to make it more effective, the Unveiling Your Jewel CD seminar (link above) walks you right through the whole workbook.

Action step: Pick 2-3 friends or colleagues and have them learn the Remembrance. Make a date with at least one of them once a week.

• What to do when you meet?

-First, tell your drinking buddy about a situation in your business that you want to look at. Tell your buddy all of the questions you have about it, how you feel about it, anything you need to do to describe the situation- and remember to include your emotions- frustration, fear, excitement, anger, etc, and not just the facts.

-The second step is to have your drinking buddy and you go back into Remembrance in your heart. Here, your buddy helps you just face the emotions you feel about the situation- the anger, fear, excitement, whatever. To make space for them, and not try to fix them. With the both of you in Remembrance, you might get some big insights from this step alone.

You’ll know it’s time move on when you feel some relief from the emotions, or get some insight you didn’t have before.

-The third step is your buddy asks you the questions you listed earlier, plus any questions that come up for your buddy about the situation. For each question, you stay in Remembrance, and ask your own heart the question, and then be patient- sit in Remembrance with the question in your heart, and see what answers come.

• When you ask questions of your heart, it’s really important to ask what I call “sincere questions.” This means that you let drop any assumptions you have about what the answer might be- that you don’t know the answer, and that you are willing to be surprised.

When you’re complete, switch, and you help your buddy out.