Following Our Hearts Into Insanity (Times Two)

For those of you who don’t know, for just about a year now my wife Holly and I have been in the process of adopting a child. It’s been a rocky, heart-breaking, exhilarating and expensive process.

Suddenly, it’s happening. And, what’s more, it’s not even happening through our adoption agency.

Let Me Give You Some Background On Open Adoption.

Decades ago, adoptions were closed. The records are sealed, and the adopted child often had to spend decades of his or her adult life banging at the walls of bureaucracy trying to find out who gave birth to them. Frustrating, painful, and really bad for the adopted child.

For a few decades now the idea of open adoptions has been gaining more and more acceptance, and that’s what we’re doing. We’re being matched with a “birth mother” as the title goes, and we’re forging the beginnings of a life-long relationship, where we are the parents of the child(ren), and the birth mother has an honored place- and may even become extended family.

Contrary to what you might think, this doesn’t jeopardize the love and attachment the person has with his or her adoptive parents. It’s just that, plain and simple, human beings need to know where they come from. If you don’t know where you come from, it’s really hard to face the future and get on with your life.

Trouble in Adoption-Town.

Now, here’s where I have to walk a fine line, because with storytelling, it’s important to include details and examples, for a few reasons. One reason is that it makes it more juicy for the reader. Details create intimacy and draw you in.

However, I’m going to have to disappoint you a bit, because the details are a little too tender and private to share. Let me give you the public version.

We were almost matched with another birth mother and (personal details left out) at a certain point made a prayer: “God, we’re going forward and adopting this child. If we’re not supposed to, please give us a really clear sign.”

At some point I’ll write a post about the difference between transcendent and immanent spirituality. But for right now, suffice to say that Holly and I were feeling a little out of our depth, and addressing God as bigger and more powerful was just what we needed at that moment.

I mean, can you imagine making a choice, in a matter of days, about a child you’ll be raising for the rest of your life? I can’t make that decision from my brain.

And Then Came The Email.

It was shortly (as in very, very shortly) after this prayer that a friend of Holly’s emailed us: “Where are you in your adoption process? Because a really good friend of mine’s sister is pregnant and…” You may or may not believe in woo-woo, or Divine intervention, or anything out of the ordinary. But, this new option just had tremendous heart-light with it. And once we spoke to the sister and to the birth mom… Wow! Our great feelings about it just multiplied.

Remember, I’m fasting for Ramadan all this month, and Holly and I have both been doing additional prayers and practices associated with it, and so I’m thinking we’re a little more open and attuned to truth and guidance than we might be normally.

Here’s the Choice: Rational or Heart?

On one hand we had the somewhat rational choice of being matched with the birth mom through the agency, where everything was picture-perfect, and proceeding in step.

And, on the other hand, we had this option drop out of the sky through our extended family-community, outside the agency, where we’d have to find our own lawyer, and figure out all the details on our own, and there were lots and lots and lots of unknowns. But it felt really, really right in our hearts. When I did my Remembrance-heart-prayer thing (as explained in the workbook) my heart was just bursting with light and love and angels’ trumpets and such.

And, there’s more.

Two Babies!

The new-option-birth mom is carrying two babies in her womb! Twins! (Although evidently you need to be a little careful about calling them “twins.”) Which brings an entirely different level of insanity, overwhelm and sleep deprivation into the whole new-parent thing.

Sure, you’d think the choice was easy given how our hearts felt, but there were so many fears and uncertainties that were jumping up and down on Holly and I that it wasn’t easy. And we only had 24 hours to make the decision, leaving us befuddled, perplexed, and stressed-out. Completely crazy-scared about making the wrong decision.

Our Clients Kicked Our Butts

Luckily, right in the middle of this decision-making process, we were teaching the second level of the Opening the Moneyflow course to some of our closest and most intimate clients. And, they called us on it: “What do you teach us all the time? Isn’t this obvious? Trust your hearts!”

And so we did.

For us, big news. Assuming the adoption goes through smoothly, we’ll be the proud, exhausted, overwhelmed, delerious parents of two infants come the end of December.

I Can’t Resist a Business Lesson.

For you, I have to put it to you: Are you facing any decisions in your business where one option looks more difficult, expensive, and crazy but your heart is bursting with joy with it, versus another option that looks sane, real, recommended, but feels dead in your heart?

Are you going to let yourself burst out of safe, sane and real, and follow your heart? Or not?

I’ll Be Calling For Help.

Luckily, we’ve got lots of great friends and colleagues who already know what it’s like to parent and run a business. People like Dawud, Wendy, Naomi, Adam, Jason & Jeri (their website is coming soon- and you’ll be hearing a lot about them and their NVC parenting skills from me), plus a whole circle of friends here.

This is also pushing me further and further into the realm of accepting help, and making Heart of Business more of a collaborative affair. Because no successful business is a solo effort.

Meanwhile, have a cigar. Actually, have two. (Big silly grin on my face.)