From Attractive to Safe Marketing, Part 2

In the introduction to this series, I explained the difference between trying to create marketing that attracts, which is dangerous and usually futile, versus creating safe marketing that actually works.

Then, in the second post, I got into more of the nitty-gritty of identity, and why it’s so much more better than talking about anything else.

Time to finish up talking to the ego.

Remember that true attraction is about love, which scares the heck out of the ego. I explained that what the ego needs to feel safe enough to listen to your marketing is identity, the problem, and assurance. I covered talking about identity in the second post, and so let’s get down to the problem and to assurance.

The problem with the problem.

Talking about the problem is usually one of the first bits of advice you hear from a marketing experts and teachers. Well, it’s true, the problem is important to talk about, but not for the reasons you think.

Often, the problem is discussed as a way to trigger people emotionally so they will react to what you’re offering. Which is true, to a point, but it doesn’t feel very good. That’s the very essence of manipulation.

Also, I’ve discovered that many people in transformational businesses shy away from talking about the problem because they want to focus on ‘what’s positive’ or on ‘being inspirational.’ Which isn’t bad in and of itself, except it doesn’t work.

There is another reason why talking about the problem is so important, that has nothing to with ‘being negative’ or with manipulation. It has to do with one of the most powerful healing dynamics available to humans.

The path to healing: being witnessed.

Most of us, in our struggles, are told a number of things: “It’ll be okay.” Or “Suck it up, get over it.” Or “Don’t be such a downer.” Or “Hey, I’ve got this great solution for you.”

Rarely are we given permission to just be seen where we are. Hey, if I’m struggling with something, the first thing I like to receive is just some simple empathy, that let’s me know that you see me as I am.

I know this in-depth first hand because my wife has been healing from a chronic illness for close to ten years. Thank God, she’s 90% better than she was five years ago, but it’s been a long, long road. And many of the people we met, the first words out of their mouth whenever the subject came up was: “Oh, have you tried…”

Yuck! That feels horrible! And yet, they mean well. But, our reaction, and especially Holly’s, was to shut down and turn away- just because it’s too much to take in constantly. The fact is, we’re already expending a lot of energy and effort on the healing process.

It’s just not honoring of people to dump solutions on them.

However, empathy, truly seeing people, provides such a sense of relief, immediately. Think about it. Think of something you’re struggling with in your life. And then imagine me saying to you: “Wow, I’m guessing you feel really (sad, frustrating, angering, painful) to be in that situation.”

When someone is seen like that in their struggle, then they know they are accepted- that it’s okay to be there, and they aren’t being judged or pushed, or told not to feel what they are already feeling.

This brings in a sense of spaciousness, that allows them to start to be able to listen to what you have to say. It also brings in a huge sense of relief.

When empathy for the problem is combined with recognition of their identity, it’s a deeply healing process- and you tend to have their complete attention. But only if it’s authentic.

What about reassurance?

Ordinarily reassurance falls flat. “Hey, you’re going to be just fine! You can absolutely lick this problem!” Yeah, whatever, buddy.

We have the ‘yeah, whatever’ reaction, if the reassurance comes out of nowhere. If I have no sense that you understand what I’m going through, then I’m not going to believe your reassurance.

But, when it comes on the heels of identity and empathy for the problem, it’s actually very welcome. “Oh, you do see me, and understand me, and get my problem, and have empathy. And you still feel hopeful that it’s going to be okay? Whew, what a relief.”

They have room to believe you.

You now have a foundation.

By authentically, and from the heart, communicating identity, empathy for the problem, and assurance, the ego can relax and breathe. This means your prospective client, whether they are reading your webpage, or talking to you at a networking event, is going to feel more spaciousness, and that frenetic impulse we have in our society to just run off and keep moving will have dissipated some.

So finally, finally there is room to talk to their heart, which is where the real connection happens. And this is where people happily step into becoming clients, or subscribers, or what have you.

In the next post, I’ll start to explore how to speak to the heart in an authentic manner. But for now, tell me: what have you learned about talking to the ego? Any examples in the world you’ve seen where it works? Or where you’ve seen marketing fall completely flat because these elements are missing?

Click here to listen to the podcast. (About four minutes.)