Okay, quick update on my trip to Yakima. And no, it’s not like watching home movies. I want to share some big learnings I had from the trip.
First of all, the motivations for going to Yakima were 1) I was invited, and they offered to pay me a modest amount to cover travel expenses, so it wouldn’t cost me anything; 2) Neither Holly nor I had ever been to central Washington, and wanted to have a bit of an adventure; 3) It seemed like an interesting group to speak to- something a little different than what I usually do.
We did have a nice trip- it was a beautiful drive, had some delicious meals, got out of the city. But, on a scale of 1-10 I rate the talk as 6-7.
Why do I give myself such a low score? Well, I’m used to being really engaged with my audience, to them really getting it, and me really getting them, and it just generally being a love-fest, as well as some real aHAs! going on.
There were definitely moments that felt like that, and I know some of the people there were very grateful. But, I was off my game. Holly and I debriefed afterwards, and here’s what we sifted out:
- I lost my center. After talking to several people from large organizations, hundreds, or even thousands of employees, I began to make up stories in my head about how my usual shtick wasn’t going to appeal to them, especially the examples I use that ground the whole talk, which tend to be solopreneurs and very, very small businesses.
- I veered away from going full-force into the spiritual stuff I do best. I got nervous about how they were going to receive me, and instead of really going for it, I kinda gave a measured half-dose, which can be very effective, but I’m not very practiced at.
- Most of the audience wasn’t my target audience. They were corporate employees, with some self-employed ad-agency and graphic designers mixed in.
To be sure, as I said, I didn’t bomb. Some people were enthusiastic and sincere in telling me how useful and inspiring it was. And there were moments during the talk when I could feel the magic of the moment- a deep sense of quiet and peace and presence in the room.
I drew some big lessons, the biggest of all was that unless there is particularly good motivation, I’m only going to speak to groups that are primarily my audience- owners of small to micro-businesses who really want to make a difference in the world.
And, if I ever do veer away from that audience again, I’m going to take my wife Holly’s suggestion. Here’s what she told me:
“You know what would’ve worked, Mark? If you had started out the talk saying that you usually talk directly to small and micro business owners. If that describes you, then this talk is going to be really relevant to you. And, if you work in a larger organization, the teachings are universal, and you should be able to easily draw lessons out that apply to your situation, or you can ask me questions about how it might apply.”
When she said that, I breathed a sigh of relief, and said: “Yeah, that would’ve worked a lot better- then I could’ve done my usual shtick.”
Some things can only be learned after the fact.
So- any learnings you can draw from my School of Hard Knocks class? Or experiences you can share?
9 Responses
Hi Mark,
Ooh, ouch. I’ve sure been there.
A few years ago, I got the opportunity to speak to a group of entrepreneurs on Guerrilla Marketing. I had done the exact same presentation to a women’s business group a few months before and it went really well. So I was confident this would be great too.
The women’s group was much more supportive and several friends and acquaintances attended just because I was speaking.
I didn’t know anyone in the entrepreneur group, it was mostly men (many being former U.S. West engineers) and they were all pretty much stone faced through the entire presentation. I ended up presenting the same material but never really connected with the audience and I could tell I was bombing.
When this happens, I have these almost out of body moments when I know things aren’t working and I wonder if I shouldn’t just say, “OK, I can see you’re not into this, how about if I end this early and we can all get back to our day.”
I thought I handled the Q&A session pretty well because I like answering marketing-related questions but later a woman in the audience told me that people were really turned off because I kept answering questions prefaced with “Well, this is just my opinion…” which I felt was simply being honest. The audience members thought I was a wimp and lacked confidence.
It was really depressing.
What I learned from this was:
1. Like you, to be more selective about who I spoke to
2. Nothing wrong with inviting a few friends who already think I’m wonderful and can just sit there and smile at me
3. It’s usually a bit risky when you present to a new group. But like professional baseball batting averages, you go for the average not the individual times at bat.
Finally, just my own 2-cents, you are one of my favorite teachers and coaches. And, you’ve made a huge positive difference for me in my own business.
You probably did a lot more good than was visible but as you’ve already pointed out, it wasn’t fertile ground for what you were offering.
Big hug from Denver,
Judy
I’ve been there, too.
I once showed up to speak before a group of realtors and I, too, did not know a soul in the room. I was the opening act before they awareded a trip to Hawaii. Not ideal.
Being a nervous, I introduced myself to everyone at my table. One woman saw my jitters and asked me if I was in real estate school (as in, not yet a realtor and acting green).
That sucked.
By the time I got in front of the room, I was a basket case. I didn’t feel connected to them or what I was saying. I loved Judy’s comment – “This isn’t going well, how about I just end this thing early?”
I did get some good out of it. I learned that depth and authenticity are better presenting skill than trying to impress.
Another stager and I are planning a speaking gig this spring and I’m looking forward to breaking out of the mold of the boring presentation and actually being myself.
I guarantee, Mark, that no one in the room was harder on you than you. Thanks for sharing your story with us!
Mark,
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. A few months ago, I was invited to Chicago to speak to a large-ish group. I was very excited to be invited, and very excited about the size of the group… until I found out the group dynamics.
The group was made up primarily of women in high-level Corporate positions.
I thought long and hard, and decided to turn the gig down.
I regretted that decision thinking I had really passed up a great opportunity.
Your post is validation that I did the right thing – I’m glad you shared!
@Judy: Thanks for the empathy! Luckily, it really wasn’t a big ‘ouch’ – it was more like a ‘hmmm…’ And it’s true about going for the average. I’m glad I took the risk, and I’m sure I’ll take more risks in the future. I sure learned a lot from this one.
@ JennH- “real estate school” ugh! Ahhh, the mud we tramp through in this strange journey called business, eh? And, I bet there were some in the room that were harder on me than I was on myself- simply because I don’t judge myself so badly in these situations anymore.
I used to beat myself up really badly, but, especially with Holly’s support there, I don’t spin off as badly as I used to. And that’s a great feeling to have come that distance… and I’ve got the mud and scars to prove it. 🙂
@JennG- You are so welcome. I think we all face these decisions. I’m glad you made that decision, and you stuck to it. I’ve seen that often the growth of a business can be as dependent on what we say “no” to as to what we say “yes” to.
I’m so glad you shared this. I’ve been doing a lot of new things recently–an interview on my writing recorded for radio, a teleworkshop on time two weekends ago for a national group–and I have been feeling terrible about how those went. Both were extremely awkward and ended with me feeling disappointed. I’m not sure if I’m just exploring to figure out what works best for me or if I’m challenging myself to learn new skills and making the usual beginner’s mistakes.
Hi Mark,
Yes, thanks for sharing the experience, and for debriefing it so powerfully. Great having a supportive ‘purpose partner’ in your life, right?
I remember leading a teleseminar series on life purpose to a group of financial planners whose focus with their clients was to help their clients determine their life purpose and then guide them on how to direct their financial resources to express that purpose. Great idea, huh, least in theory.
As the end of the program I had some reviews that said basically that I was ‘dangerous’ and my work was from the devil, or something like that. The group’s beliefs and mine…well, didn’t match exactly. Truth be told, I kinda enjoyed being called dangerous but not the other.
I do think experimentation is an important part of entrepreneurship and ‘purposefully playing’ through life and business. I’m experimenting with talking to some local groups about life purpose. My first booked gig is to a Lions Club. I’ve not spoken to such groups for years and wonder if it will be a match or not.
But some of our greatest lessons are by experimenting and then debriefing what worked and what didn’t and how could we make it better next time.
On, and regarding not ‘going full force into the spiritual stuff.’ I’ve found for myself that never works to hold back. I may reframe my language, maybe slip more slowly into the spiritual component, but what seems to work best for me is to be up front about it and let the audience sort themselves out. those that get it will get it and those that don’t, hopefully I was tactful enough to not alienate them too much. (Not the case with some of the financial planners for sure. )
Hi Mark,
Yes, thanks for sharing the experience, and for debriefing it so powerfully. Great having a supportive ‘purpose partner’ in your life, right?
I remember leading a teleseminar series on life purpose to a group of financial planners whose focus with their clients was to help their clients determine their life purpose and then guide them on how to direct their financial resources to express that purpose. Great idea, huh, least in theory.
As the end of the program I had some reviews that said basically that I was ‘dangerous’ and my work was from the devil, or something like that. The group’s beliefs and mine…well, didn’t match exactly. Truth be told, I kinda enjoyed being called dangerous but not the other.
I do think experimentation is an important part of entrepreneurship and ‘purposefully playing’ through life and business. I’m experimenting with talking to some local groups about life purpose. My first booked gig is to a Lions Club. I’ve not spoken to such groups for years and wonder if it will be a match or not.
But some of our greatest lessons are by experimenting and then debriefing what worked and what didn’t and how could we make it better next time.
Oh, and regarding not ‘going full force into the spiritual stuff.’ I’ve found for myself that never works to hold back. I may reframe my language, maybe slip more slowly into the spiritual component, but what seems to work best for me is to be up front about it and let the audience sort themselves out. those that get it will get it and those that don’t, hopefully I was tactful enough to not alienate them too much. (Not the case with some of the financial planners for sure. )
@Waverly- I really here you, and I’ve been there, too, as you can tell. 🙂 I’m going to make a wild guess and say that you are learning new skills and making the mistakes you need to make to learn and grow.
I know you’re a member of The Business Oasis– why don’t you come into the community and share your experiences, and we can help soften the blow, and help you with the learning process.
@Brad- Well, hello Mr. Dangerous Devil. 🙂 I’ve been called that, too. It’s so true, we can’t hold back, and we get to play and experiment.
I feel fine now about what happened, and I’m glad I have the ability, mirrors, and support to really honestly look, see my mistakes, and learn. As my spiritual guide says: “The mistake is the gateway to the holy fire of Divine Love.”
– It’s so helpful to have such companions on this journey.
Dear Mark,
When we speak to an unfamiliar audience, I think it’s really important to find out who they are and what their needs are. You could even start out with a few questions and some interaction to help figure it out, but of course the fearful voice in our head won’t like that a bit. LOL. I love the script your wife came up with; it sparked some ideas for me. Depending on your comfort level, you might even change up your presentation on the spot to better fit the audience.
I love your transparency in sharing this story. Anybody who doesn’t want you to speak to their group as a result of it isn’t your audience anyway.
Warmly,
Marta