A Little Secret to Connecting Using the Written Word

Many business gurus like to talk about “voice” and “branding.” As in “Get your voice out there, or I’ll be branding you with my boot.”

Well, maybe that’s not quite how I’d ice the cake, but expressing yourself in an authentic way through your writing means that people will be more likely to connect with you and your business. Which translates into more clients and more fun.

This came up recently as Kate and I here were trying to write “please click to confirm” emails for some of our Aweber lists. These are critical emails, because if someone signs up for one of our lists, but doesn’t follow through with the confirmation process, they won’t end up getting what they asked for. To add to our pressure to communicate effectively, we needed to keep the message down to only a few sentences. We wanted to be really concise, to make it easy to read and confirm.

The problem is that because clichés and common phrases tend to be succinct, making them tempting to snag and use. What kind of phrases?

Phrases like “Thank you for your recent purchase” or “This will assure” or “Instead you’ll be informed” or “other great offers.”

What’s Wrong With Those Phrases?

You could say they are boring and overused. But that’s kinda ungenerous. Let’s just say they lack specificity. That’s right, they are too general. They are lacking details around what’s really going on.

Leave details out and you risk leaving readers with a blurry view. Like the time my glasses all got smeared with just enough strawberry jelly to make me wonder if I had had a sudden astigmatic attack.

When the view gets blurry for the reader, they get bored. They stop reading. They go elsewhere. Bad news for your business, bad news for them.

The Divine Is In the Details

When Source expresses itself, every detail has love and care in it. If you look out at a field of flowers and look closely, every single flower is unique, even though they appear similar. You can connect into the love in every square inch of said pastoral scene through it’s unique details.

But when humanity tries to create a great big swath of something, it’s a bunch of sameness. In trying to be “efficient” or “big” we often get boring. Because in the trying we sacrifice the details.

So we end up with About Us pages that read like this:

On the new CircuitCity.com, you’ll also find extremely affordable deals you won’t find anywhere else. In addition to our incredibly low prices, CircuitCity.com offers world-class online content designed to provide you with the in-depth knowledge you need to make informed buying decisions. Our site features hundreds of professionally produced videos, close-up photographs of each item, product reviews by customers, and countless educational articles written by experts in the computer & electronics industry. CircuitCity.com also features product manuals, spec sheets, brochures and other informational materials to enrich your shopping experience. When you visit CircuitCity.com, you’ll find all the resources you need to shop smart and to shop with confidence.

Hey! Wake up! Stop shnoozin’! It’s just an example…

The intentions are beautiful and clear, but the words lack a certain… luster, sparkle, personal connection. What’s the answer?

Many people react by pumping up the volume. Exclamation points. WRITING IN ALL CAPITALS. Or otherwise laying it on.

“We REALLY mean it–We REALLY appreciate it. REALLY.”

Notice that it does bring a certain amount of energy into the words. But also notice how it pushes you away. Not so effective.

You don’t have to turn up the volume. You don’t have get hypey. What you need to do is drop your heart into the details.

The Switcheroo

Here’s how CDBaby.com does their about page. Notice any differences?

From our humble beginnings more than a decade ago as a small, one-man operation in a garage, to our current standing as the world’s largest online distributor of indie music, CD Baby has always been a company run BY musicians FOR musicians. Inside the fortified walls of our warehouse (a virtual Wonka-world of music) in rainy Portland, Oregon, we listen to every single album we carry before it is posted for sale so that we can help you find other new artists you’ll love, too. No distributors. No major labels. We only sell music that musicians send us directly. We ship CDs from our warehouse. We sell downloads from our site. And we also deliver our artists’ music to other download retailers, as well (iTunes, Rhapsody, eMusic, and many more). We sell you the music and then we pay the artist right away. Cool thing: in a regular record deal or distribution deal, musicians only make $1-$2 per album, if they’re ever lucky enough to get paid by their label at all. When selling through CD Baby, musicians make $6-$12 per album and get paid weekly.

It’s Not Such a Very Far Distance

Circuit City says “amazingly affordable deals” and “world-class online content.” Meaningless phrases that tell the reader “It’s okay to go to sleep now.”

CDBaby instead of “world-class online content” writes: “Inside the fortified walls of our warehouse (a virtual Wonka-world of music) in rainy Portland, Oregon, we listen to every single album we carry before it is posted for sale…”

The difference? You could say it’s love or caring which are both true. But what’s really going on is in the details. CDbaby provided details that let you paint a picture, that let you sit down next to them.

Want to connect with readers? Give them specific details.

Keys to Divine Details of Connection

• First just write it all boring-like.

We had to write a confirmation email for Aweber.com, so people who signed up for our lists would finish the confirmation process by clicking a link. It had to be short and succinct.

“Dear Business Heart(tm) eZine subscriber! Thank you for your recent purchase.

“We want to make sure you’re on the right mailing list, so please follow the directions below to be confirmed. This will assure that you no longer get ads about Unveiling the Heart of Your Business, since you now have it. Instead you’ll be informed of other great offers.

“We so appreciate you giving us space in your inbox. For that privilege, we want to do all we can to help your business fly.”

Schnooze city! But it’s a start.

• Identify the common phrases.

Sifting through this email, you can find the common, formal, or overused phrases like “Thank you for your recent purchase”, “This will assure” or “other great offers”

Once you have the common phrases, it’s time to bring in a little heart-centered Divine detail.

• What does your heart really want to say?

Let’s take the phrase, “Thank you for your recent purchase.” and add some details. We can add the actual name of what was bought. But, even more than that, what’s true for us when someone buys from us?

“We have so much gratitude that you bought Unveiling the Heart of Your Business. Thank you!”

It’s not high literature, but by just taking a few moments with it, we can express what’s true for us. If you buy something from us, I can feel the gratitude in my heart for the trust it took to make that purchase. So, we wrote it out.

In this world of business, writing is one of the most important and sustainable ways you have to connect with potential clients and customers. Find those boring, overused and formal phrases and breath heart and details into them, and you’ll find that people really do connect with what you’re saying.