It’s really stunning watching a small child throw up, or “geysering” as we say around here. It’s David who’s doing it. Sam has other ways to register his discontent. David, when he doesn’t like something he’s put in his mouth, he’ll calmly get this inward focus, and then everything, everything comes out. Not just the little, teensy bit of whatever-was-horrible, but the entire contents of his stomach will spew forth.
Suffice it to say we’ve been doing a lot of laundry.
The real issue is not to pick on poor David, he’s doing the best he can to manage things. We trust it will mellow out as he gets older.
But, it’s interesting to see–when you don’t like something, throwing up EVERYTHING instead of just spitting out what you didn’t like.
Two things we’re learning from this. One, we’re seeing that he has an exquisite sense of knowing what he likes and doesn’t like. If we take the time to tune in, we can avoid pushing something on him that he has clearly, but subtly, refused. Result: no geyser.
The second is that we know David will grow out of it. We know he won’t be sitting down to lunch at age 34, take a bite of roasted beet salad, doesn’t he doesn’t like it, and geyser all over the restaurant. He just won’t eat any more.
The question for your heart: How finely attuned are you to what you like and dislike, or do you just eat what everyone else is eating? “Eat” is a metaphor here, folks.
The second question: When you take a bite of something you don’t like, do you get rid of everything that’s ever been associated with it? Or are you able to figure out the bit you didn’t like, and keep the rest? “Bite” is, you guessed it, another metaphor.
Translate these questions into your business, and see what you notice.
Thrown From the Holiday Train
In 1986 I was at the Boston University fencing club practicing lunges. I overlunged, meaning I threw my foot too far forward, overcompensated by pushing even harder off my back foot, and went forward-over. Only my forward foot was still planted.
I heard a “pop.” And then I said to myself, “That’s gonna hurt.” Six seconds later, it did.
That’s how I found myself with my ankle bandaged up, hobbling around on crutches my first winter in Boston, as the snow and ice started to cover everything.
It was, in some ways, one of the most pleasant experiences of my life. In other ways it sucked eggs. But, what was pleasant is that it renewed my faith in humanity. Because, you see, everyone was so helpful. Getting on and off the T, getting in and out of stores, getting to my classes and home again. Gracious and helpful, in that fantastically warm and curt way that New Englanders have.
That’s why what happened to my friend Arwen is so incredibly wrong. It involves trains, wheelchairs, and big guys. I know it’s not very NVC to judge things, but hey, sometimes I color outside the lines.
Arwen, however, is dedicated to restorative justice, and so she responded like this. She asked three things:
- Watch the short story (it’s about five minutes long.)
- Share it far and wide with everyone you know.
- Let her know (by posting here– if you feel more connected to your Will to help people with disabilities be with the ones they love.
Arwen has dealt so eloquently with the question of access. I have a slightly different question for the heart of your business: How does your business deal with exceptions and special requests?
Birthdays Coming Up!
It’s one birthday, but two at once. Our boys, Sam and David, turn one year old this coming Wednesday. Amazing.
How old is your business? When is it’s birthday? Have you celebrated it’s development and growth so far?
And, don’t look for me being too quick on any online responses this Wednesday. I’ll be eating cake. And hopefully not cleaning up any geysers.
4 Responses
Mark, your boys are one year old this week! Amazing! It seems like just yesterday you and Holly were flying off to Ohio to witness their birth. Happy birthday, Sam and David! Happy one-year-of-your-family-together day to all four of you.
As for your questions: I’m pretty closely attuned to what feels right for me and what doesn’t. Which isn’t always the same thing as liking or disliking…
Sometimes, I find I have to purge everything that isn’t right for me, to redress an imbalance, before I can come into a more equitable and honest relationship with it. Your spit-up metaphor breaks down for me at this point, so I won’t belabor it. 🙂
Exceptions and special requests: I tune into what’s really being asked for, and how, and who’s doing the asking. And then I follow my heart.
.-= Hiro Boga´s last blog ..Whose Chakra Is It Anyway? =-.
Eating is always a metaphor for me. My appetite is legend: Ask my mom!
I AM closely attuned to what is right for me and I have an enormous range of what I like…which can lead to some real Pepto Bismal moments.
Purging is just so uncomfortable that it seems easier to suffer the fullness. Sometimes OK things go in and it’s the wrong mix. I think that maturity helps to eliminate those mistakes, develop attunement AND also a broader palate.
I find myself in those all or nothing moments. I realize that while sometimes you have to puke it all up, usually it is better to pick out the yucky parts or swallow them as part of the package. It gets easier with practice and there is usually a reward at the end. That is how I came to love olives, nightmares, and difficult children.
Mazal Tov to you and your family Mark! I also have a twins ( a girl and a boy, they are almost 10!) I remember the first year of their life being simultaneously the happiest and the most exhausting of my life!
With Love
Yael
p.s I am going through an amazing process, and beginning to realize I can combine my baby business with it’s older sibling!
.-= Yaeli Brisker´s last blog ..??? ??????? =-.
@Hiro- I so appreciate the heart-connected space you come from. It’s inspiring.
@Donna- Olives, nightmares and difficult children- it’s true, there’s so much to love in the world that doesn’t always taste good initially. 🙂
@Yaeli- Thank you! Twins are exhausting- and it’s great to know that you’ve survived so long and that it gets easier- we can already see signs of that.
Combining baby and the older sibling- that’s fantastic. Can’t wait to see how that turns out.