I opened the diaper, but I already knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. I had just rolled the inside of Sam’s shirt up so that I as I peeled it off him his head would remain cleaner than his bottom. Suffice it to say that the clean-up took a little while, and involved a little wriggling, struggle, smearing, and washing up.
I was reminded of this when a reader emailed me this question about finally getting his business going:
“I don’t know if it’s fear or some other issue holding me back from really getting going or if it’s simply that I haven’t found something or the idea that really gets my blood pumping. I still carry around a notebook, jotting down ideas and thoughts, etc. when the logical part of my brain says I really should get my a** into gear and get going. 🙂
“Any thoughts or advice or perhaps resource pointers to really figure out my purpose, passion, the idea to surround my business with would be much appreciated.”
I have so much respect for this guy. From the rest of his letter (no, I’m not showing you the other bits) it’s really clear he has a tremendous amount of skill, integrity, sincerity and desire. And yet he’s waiting to get going. His best guess so far, as you can tell, is that he just hasn’t found a business idea that he’s passionate enough about.
He hasn’t found what he really wants to do.
There’s a reason he hasn’t found it. And he won’t.
The Question Is Not “What Do I Want To Do?”
First of all, let’s drop the whole blood-pumping passion thing. I mean, passion is great and all, and passion can certainly get you to work up a sweat. But passion is not going to carry you through.
Passion is a peak experience. Blood-pumping is a peak experience. If you’re looking for that as a reason to get you going in your business, you might wait a long time.
Or you might get going for a few weeks, months, maybe a year or two only to find it dribbling away. Too many expectations about passion are why twenty-year marriages are replaced with spouses from a younger generation, almost invariably leading to disappointment and regret.
Why Change Poopy Diapers?
You see, I love my kids. Right now as I type this my wife is giving love to one of them as he cries and fusses rather loudly. Sounds like his tired cry.
The point is that parenting is a practice of love and patience, and there are many bits of it that aren’t exactly fun. Rewarding, growth filled, worth it, yes, yes, yes. But not fun. The poopy diaper isn’t fun, and a crying child isn’t fun.
Some days your business is going to look like it pooped its diaper. Other days its going to be fussy. Sometimes they will be on the same day. You will probably not feel passionate or have your blood pumping.
But you’ll show up and do it. Not just because you’re hoping to pay your bills. But because you know people are counting on you.
The Only Reason A Business Exists
The only reason a business exists as a business is to help certain someones solve a certain problem they can’t easily solve for themselves. That’s why people are willing to pay their time and money, because they get help.
It can be big help, like facing terminal cancer. It can be smaller help, like getting your house painted just the right combination of colors. Whatever it is, it’s worthwhile if it’s helping people and not harming others.
The Question is: “Who Do I Want to Serve?”
I’m not passionate about any of the things that are involved in parenting, although there’s plenty of them that I love to do, but boy am I in love with my kids. I enjoy the heck out of small business and spiritual work, but I really care about the people who are trying to make a difference in the world and have chosen self-employment as their vehicle.
I can’t tell you how many things I’ve done for our clients that I would rather have not. Worked through dinner getting audio edited and uploaded. Working long hours getting a product ready that dozens of people have already purchased. Showing up every week, or more often, answering questions like this one.
I know the care I have for our clients is long-term because when I get on the phone with someone, and they need something explained that is new for them but old hat for me, I still come alive. It’s not because of the material. It’s because of them.
When my child need something, I’ll do things I’ve never done before, and push through all kinds of hesitancy because, hey, they need me. The same goes for my clients. Need a membership site? We did it not because it was a good income stream, but because we saw how much they needed a safe space. Need a year-long program? Sure, it’s good revenue flow, but first we saw that people really needed the spaciousness and personal support to actually take action on the teachings, so we needed to commit to caring for people for an entire year.
So there’s your question: Who do you want to serve? And for those of you who tend to be over-givers, I want you to take a breath and really hear the “you want” part of the question. What’s your answer?
Keys to Finding Your Answer
- What corner of the world would you particularly like to see better?
Of course we’d all like to see world peace descend and hunger eradicated and people meaningfully employed. But what catches your attention? Is it something in your local community? Is it in the realm of health? Relationship? Work? Something else?
Find your corner of the world.
- Who does your heart really go out to in that corner?
Is it single mothers in the workforce? Is it homeowners with kids dealing with toxic building materials in their homes? Is it people approaching the elder years and declining health?
Who are the people that really call to your heart? Who are the people for whom it would be worth the long hours and hard work it takes to run a business, including the equivalent of changing poopy diapers?
- How Can You Most Help Them?
Of all the problems they are facing, which one(s) can you help solve? Or if not solve completely, at least help them move a little further along towards healthy and functional?
You might have skills and expertise already. You may also need to learn more. Not in order to impress anyone, but because you see the need.
Mother Theresa, when she arrived in Calcutta wanting to help the poorest of the poor, found out that the poorest of the poor were often injured or sick. So she did something radical–she took a first aid course.
Some people get so attached to wanting to do what they do well. When you see people you’ve chosen to serve in need, those really needing your help, are you willing to learn new things in order to help them?
Find the corner of the world that you want to see improved by what you have to offer, identify which folks in that corner really touch your heart, and then see how you can or would want to learn how to help them.
That will keep your heart pumping through the late nights, early mornings, and long hours of service that are sometimes called for in a successful business.
31 Responses
My business and I need a nap. So I’m off on vacation tomorrow. Thanks for the great analogy. I can really relate to it.
.-= Trisha Cupra´s last blog ..The
Mark, thank you so much for this lovely article. I especially appreciate how you make the point that we have too many expectations about passion.
We’ve become so conditioned to espouse “positive thinking”–which is great much of the time, but like anything else, harmful when taken to extremes. Like when we feel we should be positive ALL the time, no matter what.
Not many people talk as candidly as you do here about how it’s not actually *possible* to sustain the peak of passion for anything, so expecting that of ourselves will only cause frustration and disappointment. It’s such a relief to remember that we don’t have to artificially pump ourselves up when things get rough.
I love the reframe from “What do I want to do?” to “Who do I want to serve?” I’m right at that decision-making point with my business-to-be, and thinking about it that way is going to be very helpful indeed. Thanks again!
Oh my gosh… it’s 11:15 and I’m checking in here and I read that sometimes my business will look like it pooped its diapers! It made me laugh out loud! Thanks~! I am so please that I signed on to take this course with you, Mark. I’m learning in so many ways. And thanks for the thinking on passion and its rightful place in the larger picture…
I’m going to bed now…sogne d’oro…
“It’s not about what you do, but who you serve.” I really like that point. That’s where I got stuck when I was first trying to figure out my “passion” and I I can see I was there again the other day. What shifted me out of it was similar to your idea – I stopped asking, “What should I do?” and started asking, “Who do I want to be being?”
Who you’re serving and who you’re being… I’ll try remember that next time I get stuck in doing!
Cath
.-= Cath Duncan´s last blog ..How To Tell Whether You
Hi Mark
Your words are so true – about business and children! I’ve been self-employed for 23 years and my “boys” are 28 and 29 years old. For much of those years neither was fun but always was deeply fulfilling.
Although running a business has its challenges, I would never swop my business for a job. Likewise, children are constantly challenging (and I’m sorry to inform you that nothing seems to change as they get older! 😉 ) but I have no regrets whatever and loving them is it’s own reward.
And I’d just like to say to anyone reading this that Mark really does what he says in this article. He has helped me enormously through private emails, generously sharing his knowledge. And no, he has not paid me to write this! – nor did he suggest it. I simply feel I want to say this out of gratitude for his sharing.
ciao
Leo
This is the first time I am writing in response to one of your articles/blogs.
Something in me went ‘ka zing ‘ when I read it..
You see.. I DO have a lot of passion. For LOTS of things. I have a passion for parenting my 4 kids, from 20 down to 6 and yes.. there have been good moments, fantastic moments and also ones of frustration, and I do LOVE my kids.. but feeling passionate about being their mom.. you bet. I adore spending time with them,, they are my greatest teachers. Boy, do I learn from them!
I also am passionate about what I choose to do.. if it resonates, and has that ‘zing’ in my gut.. to me that is passion. Perhaps it is a matter of interpretation. Like.. when I see the colour green, and my brother sees the colour green, we don’t see it the same. He is colour blind to green. However, I have a friend who sees colours with greater intensity than most, hears sounds in the range that many people don’t so, his interpretation of the colour green would be different too. But we could be all looking at the same object of that colour (let’s say a leaf of lettuce).
When I decided on what I wanted to do for a business.. I chose things that I felt I knew how to do, what I enjoyed, and had a passion for. This has meant that things sometimes changed.. my business has evolved from one way of being to another… and I am so grateful for the learning along the way !
I will say though, that there are times I immerse myself completely in shooting pics.. hundreds a day.. and times when I go through months of not shooting anything! For me, the creative process is fluid, and has its cycles.. and I am SO grateful I have many ways of expressing my creativity, and have so many outlets. This keeps the doors open for me to keep that passion alive, and move from one glorious expression of Source to another.. without feeling ‘locked in’ to ONE thing, and lets me bring that to other areas of my life too.
I am not saying that I have blood pumping enthusiasm for everything every minute of everyday.. or even ONE thing everyday. But I DO have the passion for what I do.. and when I talk to people about it.. I just SHINE. That to me, is what passion means. Without it, I think life would be dull.. less interesting, and I too, would be searching for ‘the thing’ that turns me on.
Peace, light and Love
EJ
I love this.
You’re right passion is the wrong word. AND the people we serve DO need to matter to us, at some deep level.
Otherwise it simply isn’t worth it and daytime TV is more attractive!
Rosalyn
.-= Rosalyn´s last blog ..We don
Mark, you always get to the heart of whatever issue you address. Thank you for this profound teaching, offered in your story of poopy diapers! 🙂
The word passion derives from the Latin passio, which means to surrender, suffer or submit. In that sense, it’s not a rush of adrenalin-driven emotion, but an alignment with deep love and a willing submission to the demands of true service. Which is what you’re talking about here.
I love the fact that Mother Teresa took a first aid course, to serve those whom her passion called her to serve.
.-= Hiro Boga´s last blog ..Questions . . . =-.
Hey Mark,
First, I’m very grateful there’s no Smell-o-Vision. Your article would have been far less pleasant.
I’ve always been an advocate of “do what you love and outsource what you don’t.”
As a small business owner, I’m especially sensitive to this because I do most of it–the fun stuff and the tedious stuff.
One thing I’ve come to appreciate is the beauty in the details. Particularly when I’m first setting something up, there’s an intimacy I get by having to write html code and really understanding how my website works.
I’m not advocating anyone learn html rather to look at the details of your business as a way to get to know it better and to be in service to it.
And to remember that tedious, somewhat unpleasant chores change as you and your business evolve.
You won’t always be changing poopy diapers.
I’ve sat through boring, crowded school presentations, typed homework assignments, and just last night, helped my son memorize a monologue he wrote about Chuck Norris and Ninjas when all I wanted to do was to eat dinner and zone out.
Peace,
Judy
.-= Judy Murdoch´s last blog ..Smart Ideas: Dwell Magazine =-.
Mark, thank you so much for this. It really struck home, made me think and made me smile. Especially as I juggle my business and the joys of finally being a mom to an amazing 5 month old. Thank you, thank you.
Thank you for this article. I just signed up and this is the first one I’ve received and it was right on target with what I’m working on now. Focusing in on what my right people are.
I just did a little exercise with the questions posed in this article to further hone in on who I’m offering my services.
Thank you again for the work you do.
CJ
.-= Christi´s last blog ..Do I have to have it all figured out to be a coach? =-.
Thought: sometimes it’s easier to answer the question of “Who do I want to serve?” by asking “How would I like to serve myself?” By which I don’t mean something selfish or greedy, but something like “What resources or support would I like to have or have had at an earlier point in my journey?” I think we can trip ourselves up by assuming that the “corner” is somewhere out and over there instead of right here where we are – and forgetting that what we need (or needed) is what a lot of other people need. That who we serve is not “other.” That the personal is universal much more often than we think. *Right here* is where our hearts live to serve.
PS: Judy: I love the idea of attending to details as a way to cultivate intimacy with your business. And Hiro: yay for word origins!
.-= Cairene´s last blog ..Pulling loose threads. =-.
@Trisha- I am so glad you get both a nap and a vacation! And hopefully a break from the diapers… 🙂
@Michelle- Yes- I’m not a big fan of “positive thinking.” I’m more a fan of “authentic presence.” Having a challenge doesn’t mean anything is wrong. 🙂
@Marian- I hope you didn’t wake anyone up chortling at that hour. 🙂
@Cath- As a teacher of mine says, “It’s not ‘how do I remember?’ It’s “Am I remembering?” Oh… I pray for constant Remembrance.
@Leo- Well just bowl me over and make me blush! Thank you! (I’ll send you the twenty I owe you next week.)
@EJ- Yup, I get where you’re coming from, and it’s a good point. I do have passion for parenting, and for my business, too. It’s just not what carries me through. Love and surrender carry me through. Passion is something that comes and goes and I enjoy it. 🙂
@Rosalyn- Word choice is so important, eh?
@Hiro- I did the same thing for an article awhile ago- looked up the definition of passion. Since I don’t have a background in Christian theology, I had never realized that it was so related to suffering. I’ve been a little suspicious of it ever since. 🙂
@Judy- Just the thought of no more poopy diapers makes me a little sad- I love seeing them grow up, and yet this age is such a miracle of tenderness. Business-wise and child-wise. 🙂
@LisaG- A 5 month old! Congratulations! Enjoy enjoy! And I hope you’ve got help at home- running a business and parenting… woo-wee!
@Christi- You were commenting, evidently, just as I was working my way through the list. Welcome welcome! Glad you’re here, and glad we both lucked out (or is that “lucked in”) with this blog post. Gotta love serendipity.
And good luck with working through it!
Thanks for these great thoughts
Hey Mark,
What a wonderful “earthy” post…. as always I am amazed at how skilled you are in using every day experiences to get to the core of a spiritual teaching.
I love what I do. And I feel an incredible call to serve. And, according to Hiro’s definition of submission and surrender to a greater good, I am extremely passionate about my work.
And…. I remember talking with a friend of mine a few years ago, who had read too many positive thinking self help books, and who was expecting “do what you love and the money will follow” to mean that her life would be one of complete joy and ease once she found her hearts desire in relation to her work and business.
And she was struggling and I was doing pretty OK.
So she asked me what my secret was and I told her “Anything that you have in your life that is really meaningful and worth something to you is going to be a ROYAL pain in the a**!”
That includes your business, your marriage, your family, your friendships, your creative life. She was somewhat taken aback by my response and chose not to listen, and now no longer has a business.
Life and love are full of poopy diapers. But it’s just part of the deal and really isn’t so bad when weighed against the experience of having a truly fulfilling life!
Thanks for a great post!!
.-= chris zydel´s last blog ..Abuse Your Art Supplies =-.
@Dov- So glad you liked it!
@Chris- I’m sorry for your friend, but I love that story. Positive thinking doesn’t replace hard work, when needed. It’s your attitude within the hard work that counts.
took me a day or two to get to this but WOW. I remember that diaper scenario. Happened to me on a train which just adds to the joy.
But what you say about focusing on who you want to serve rang a really clear note for me. Amazing. That is so what I need to hear right now.
Thanks.
.-= JoVE´s last blog ..Maybe sitting at your desk to work is the problem =-.
I needed this. Thank you <3
.-= Aislyn Laurent´s last blog ..Why to Backup or OMFG WHERE DID IT GO? =-.
@JoVE- Woo-hoo! On a train, no less! I’m glad it rang such a clear note for you.
@Aislyn- You are so welcome.
I just wanted to say thank you for this post; I really go my knickers in a twist about this passion thing when I was working on my ittybiz. My passion is creative writing you see, but I am the sole breadwinner for my family and short stories don’t pay the mortgage. I was worried that my new ittybiz would have to fill me with as much joie do vivre as creative writing does, but I was looking at it as a whole which was stupid as so much of it terrifies me.
When I realised that I am also passionate about helping people online with other kinds of writing, it all clicked into place and Your Nisaba finally got launched. But what a heart rending journey it was!
@Emma- I know… *click* !
I’ve been struggling with this EXACT thing, questioning what I’m passionate about. What drives me, what type of people I want to help. I really needed to hear this & it couldn’t have come at a better time.
I came by way of Naomi, and I’m so glad she linked this post.
Thank you, thank you.
Hi Mark,
This article brought a tear to my eye and stench to my nose.. I couldn’t help but to vividly imagine the diapers! 😛
It’s extremely important to acknowledge the fact that we won’t always experience passion. We might be passionate about what we do, but there are days when we won’t feel the passion so intensely, and especially about aspects of our business we’d rather not work on.
Another problem with relying on passion is that we can feel passionate about many things, which would leave us scattered when we try to pursue “our passion.”
Having said that, I think your reader’s problem isn’t lack of passion, but lack of feeling competent. We can be extremely intelligent and skilled, but if we don’t feel “up to the challenge,” we’ll avoid stepping up for fear of what the experience will reveal about us, or the failure we would experience.
Anxiety is a very powerful emotion. It can make a matchstick weigh a ton.
The solution is to acknowledge this anxiety, and to jump in anyway, because the experience and all the difficulties that can come with it are much more tolerable than the anxiety that comes with doing nothing at all.
.-= Haider´s last blog ..Playing the Part =-.
@Haider- Hmmm… Interesting thought. From the rest of the person’s email, which I didn’t share here out of respect for him and his privacy, that’s not the issue I took away from it. Perhaps if he feels like it, he can pop up and clear it up for us.
That said, getting caught in “good enough” fears can definitely slow a person down. And, when you are genuinely confronted with someone needing help, it’s not uncommon for all of those fears to drop away in a selfless response to just help however you can.
Which is why I find that focusing on who you want to serve is such an effective motivator.
What clarity! Reading this post reminded me WHY I choose to serve crazy busy entrepreneurs in their struggles with time management and getting organized. Because I admire their courage and tenacity, these clients energize me in a way that others just never do! Yes, there are those poopy diaper days, but they are worth it. Thanks for the great reminder, Mark!
.-= Jen Furrier´s last blog ..Professional Organizer? No Way! =-.
@Jen- So glad! I love reading your own inspiration.
Mark, thanks for the *click*! I’m very glad Naomi linked to you.
Somehow you found just the right words to help me see that trying to figure out what I should be doing, or even who I should be, was the wrong approach for me at this time. What I need to think about very deeply is who I want to work with and who I want to serve… with, as you mentioned, emphasis on the “I want”.
In every situation where I’ve managed to be a consistent high-contributor, I’ve worked with others whom I felt moved to serve because I resonated with them and something they were trying to achieve or transcend. You’ve given me a much better frame to ask the “What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?” question within.
.-= Karilee´s last blog ..Are You Meant to Be a Manager? =-.
@Karilee- Nice reframe, isn’t it? I’m so glad it clicked with you. 🙂
Hi,
Done the poopy diaper thing and see your point of view. I spend too much time looking for perfection instead of taking more aggressive action. Once you start making some money and see your work payoff, the passion becomes stronger and working is more fun.
Thanks,
Jim