A conversation that has cropped up recently in our online community, The Business Oasis, is the perennial problem of: “I’ve got this fantastic offer, and no one is responding to it. No one is even asking about it!”
It seems a few people were feeling like they were in that club yet not really wanting to belong to that “in-crowd.” As a community, we all took a look at one person’s offer and started to point out where we lost interest, got bored, or where it just didn’t make sense.
Kinda nice, eh, to have that kind of feedback? Usually when you put an offer out there, it’s just deafening silence. But because of the knowledgeable, open-heartedness of the Business Oasis members, she got lots of feedback.
(Note: The Business Oasis online community is no longer available.)
What Is Boredom?
Boredom is lots of things, but one of those things may surprise you: Boredom is actually a symptom of overwhelm. But not the overwhelm of too many things to do.
Boredom often sets in when you are overwhelmed by too many things to feel, sometimes uncomfortable feelings, and because they are unconscious or not socially acceptable, you have no place to express them or get the underlying needs addressed.
Boredom actually expresses itself as a “cabin-fever” anxiety that can motivate people to go somewhere else. As in, away from your writing, your offer, and your business. But, when you give your reader space for these emotions and needs, they can stay put, and engaged with what you’re writing.
So let’s take a look at three places where you can get caught boring people.
Boring Thing Number One: Talking to a Group
You tawkin’ ta me? You tawkin’ ta me? I hope so. Because if you ain’t tawkin’ to me, you ain’t tawkin’ to nobody.
It’s surprisingly easy to not talk to someone. And it happens when you slowly slip into thinking you’re talking to more than one person. That’s all, just believe you’re talking to two, or ten, or a thousand people instead of one, and suddenly your language becomes less focused, less intimate, less connected.
Why does this happen? Well, when it’s just you and me, you might take risks with language that you might not take in a group. You might say to me: “Gawd! When your client did that, that must’ve felt like cr@p!”
Then you notice other people are listening. Important people. People who you want to like you. Maybe some of them have checkbooks and credit cards who might actually pay you (although you don’t like thinking like that.)
You straighten yourself up, clear your throat, and suddenly you’re saying: “That is . . ., what I meant to say was . . ., I offer my most sincere empathy to you dear colleague on that unfortunate incident with your client . . .” Snore.
Talk to your one reader. Just one reader, and give it to them straight.
Boring Thing Number Two: Talking About Yourself
It’s a totally sane, reasonable assumption that if you are making an offer that you want to write about that offer. Unfortunately, what is sane and reasonable is also dead wrong and dead boring.
Pssst… just between you and me, I’ll tell you a secret: I want to talk about myself. I want you to talk about me. It’s not because I’m self-centered, it’s because my heart is deeply longing for witnessing, to be seen and known.
If you talk about your offer first and in great detail, your reader can’t hear you. “Boring” may not be exactly it, but they can’t keep their attention on it, because they don’t have listening space.
What you want to talk about is them–who they are, what they like, what they are struggling with. Once you do that sufficiently, they’ll be able to listen to your offer. Especially if your offer is relevant to helping solve whatever they are struggling with.
Quick story: I was sick. Really sick. I was canceling a training we were supposed to do for a holistic clinic here in Portland, and David, the owner of the clinic, said: “Wow, you sound really sick? What’s wrong?” We talked about me being sick for a few minutes. He said, “You should come for an appointment.” With who, I asked? He recommended one of his practitioners. I made an appointment.
I walked into her office without even knowing what she does. I mean, was she a naturopathic physician, acupuncturist, reiki master, what? All I knew was that David knew how sick I was and told me she could handle it. And she did.
Boring Thing Number Three: Losing the Thread of the Main Problem
I was reading some of the Alternet news articles the other day–reading from article to article, one problem after another that I cared about–global warming, the Iraq war, conflict in the Holy lands, poverty and homelessness…
Yup, overwhelm. I stopped reading. Not because I don’t care, but because too many uncomfortable emotions were coming up, and I was feeling helpless. Overwhelmed. That stir-crazy-cabin-fever boredom-overwhelm that moved me along to something more pleasant.
Now, listen. I know that your offer can solve multiple problems. But in order not to overwhelm and bore people, pick the one biggest problem and focus on it as you write.
Yes, you can mention other problems the offer solves, but as additional bonus benefits. Keep the thread of just one problem, and people will follow the trail to the end.
Bored Readers Don’t Buy
You are wanting to help people–sometimes with really serious issues! Receiving that help takes a great deal of trust on their part. Trust that is built when they think there is acceptance and understanding for who they are and what they are struggling with.
By catching and not using these three elements: talking to more than one person, talking about yourself, and focusing on more than one problem–you’ll be inviting them in, connecting with them, and removing huge pieces of boredom from your offers.
15 Responses
Hi Mark,
Another great post about the power of intimacy and authenticity to fuel our businesses in heart centered way. I really liked the definition of boredom as overwhelm, disconnect or a kind of numbness. It really helped me to think of it that way. And I certainly don’t want to bore my customers!
Thanks, as always.
Hugs,
Chris
chris zydel
I especially responded to Issue 3, perhaps because my own compassion fatigue has reached insane levels.
People have a sense of where they’re at, even if it’s a sense that they don’t know where they’re at, so whenever you offer them something, they need to be able to connect their position with what you offer.
In my consulting practice I often have to work the other way around and get the agent or contact to tell me what he thinks he’s offering rather than trying to get me to say what I want. I’d much rather assess for myself whether I want to work for the company than have him or her do it for me.
And for the record, this wasn’t boring! Very informative, actually.
And is it me or have the math problems been very straightforward this week?
Joely Black (@TheCharmQuark on Twitter)
Thanks, Mark, for this wise and compassionate perspective on boredom. I hadn’t thought of it this way before–as the lid for overwhelming emotions–but it makes perfect sense, and I can see the ways in which this works in my own life. Thanks, too, for articulating a clear pathway to make space for your customer to feel fully witnessed, so that they can truly hear you.
Brilliant and insightful as always.
Love, Hiro
Hiro Boga
I loved this – absolutely not boring and wholly relevant. Me thinks I shall be back for more.
Thank you.
Wormy
Hey Original Mark,
Speaking as a member of that club, great article as usual. You know what though? I’m not sure which of the three boringness factors apply to my recent offers. Now you’re making me do more research!
Thanks for nothing. And for everything.
Excellent article Mark! As someone participating in the conversation, I like how you synthesized the issues we discussed and came up with a fresh perspective on the situation.
One question that has been dogging me for a while is “which problem to focus on?”
My offer has been to support small biz owners around creating and selling information products. There are a number of problems information products help business owners address. I’m feeling unclear re which problem to hone in on.
Or perhaps this is another article ;-D
Blessings
Judy
@Chris- it’s hard for me to think of you boring your customers with the Painting from the Wild Heart that you do- but hopefully this helped make your offers even zestier, so people step into them!
@Joely- that third problem can be a doozy- I’m glad it was helpful. It is great when you get to do the selecting of your clients.
Compassion fatigue at insane levels! I have compassion for your compassion fatigue! Oy!
@Hiro- You are so welcome! I’m so honored that you read it, with your healing process.
@Wormy- coolo- glad I didn’t bore you talking about boredom. That would be the height of irony. 🙂 The height, I tell you, the height. I’d be happy to see you back here.
Yup. Good suggestion, Mark. In fact I’m going to do a little testing to see. I’m always more interested in what people do than what they say they’ll do. Woo hoo!
@ExtraCrispy- Glad to make you do more research. Any time, any time.
@Judy- That is the question, isn’t it? Only your clients can tell you that. List out the top five problems info-products solve for your target market, and see which one gets their goat the most.
And see if you can get their goat back for them. Nothing worse than a goat rustler.
I’m guilty on all three counts! Of particular interest, right now, is remembering how deeply people want to be seen and known…that is the very basis of the Speaking Circles I’ve done – and loved doing. I think I lost track of that, so this is such a wonderful reminder! Thanks, Mark!
Shawn
@Judy- I definitely want to hear about how your testing goes. Woo-hoo, indeed!
@Shawn- lovely to see you here! And, ain’t we all been guilty of all three, and more, on various occasions? Glad the article helped bring it home for you in this venue- because you have such skill in helping people access that being seen and acknowledged. You’re a natural!
Wonderful resource. Right on time as I sit perched to craft my first “offer” of help/support – outside of the conventional garden design gig. My heart is smiling and appreciates the goodness you share. Thank you.
Annie
@Annie- Glad it landed so perfectly! And thank you so much for the phone call– appreciation for the gift of your presence and your generous idea.
I can’t wait to hear what comes next for you.
Great post! So many marketers forget this, they feel it and their heart is in it but they forget about the putting thoughts into action/words.
Probably something people could print out and post over their computer as they’re writing their copy!
I just read through your post and although you discuss two “3-foot tornadoes”, I came away with a bit of peace. We have our first garden ever this summer and it’s turned into a large bird/squirrel feeder. Hopefully, we’ll be able to reap a bit of a harvest. Our desire for a garden started much the same as yours—wanting fresh vegetables (support the family) and being outside more. Just a bit of effort has increased our desire for more next season—more gardening, more being outside…..