About two weeks ago, my wife Holly and I planned our first date, with friends watching our boys, since November 11, 2008- which is when our aforementioned adopted twin sons were born. If you’re a parent, especially a parent of twins, or know someone, you know why five months had gone by without a date.
Of course, thank God friends were watching the boys, because that was the night Holly’s mom, in for a three week visit, went rapidly downhill and we took her to the ER. I was up until 2am getting her admitted, while Holly went back and picked the boys up at 11pm.
Then, three days later, I went away to teach the Sacred Moment Seminar. Gone Wednesday morning through Saturday afternoon, and returned home to find Holly’s sister Amy, who had flown in from Ithaca, helping mom with some intense nursing, thinking mom was dying.
Mom’s been up and down for over a week, Amy has stayed a week longer than she intended, hoping mom can get strong enough to fly home, so she can go into hospice there. And, in the middle of this, a big issue so tender and private I’m not going to blog about it for a variety of reasons, including respecting people’s privacy, which amped our family stress levels considerably.
And, I’m supposed to be running a business?
I’m Not Going to Pretend I Have It All Together
The business is needing a LOT right now. We’ve been making a major shift from Mark’s Big Solo Adventure to actually having a company and a team. There are several exciting and time-critical projects that are cooking right now, plus active paying clients who need attention.
And, as well as Heart of Business has done, we’re not independently wealthy, and I need to provide for my family, despite the craziness.
Options?
One: Hide in my office and lock the door. That’s kinda gross, even if it would be moderately productive. But, with so much going on in my family, I would distanced from my sense of aliveness.
Two: “I’ve only got one family.” This option means neglecting all but the minimal necessary in the business, and support my wife, twins, my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, and the twins in this profound process. It’s very tempting, but it didn’t feel right, either.
Three: “Things are very urgent. Time is of the essence. Must meditate twice as long.” I spent dozens of minutes walking around the house with our young boy Sam, chanting a Sufi Remembrance into his heart and mine. I’ve tried to keep up with as much of practices as I can. I’ve tried to keep coming back to my heart every chance I’m given the grace to remember.
In this third option, there are some deeply heart-restful reminders that have come in. The first is the reminder of my role in the family. Right now, I’ve been given the role as family financial provider. I need to attend to that. If run around trying to do too much of other people’s roles, and ignoring my own, it’s breaking a sacred convenant with my family.
This is not to say that I only work, and ignore the family. That’s gross. But, I do need to pay attention to my station in life.
Another reminder is that I can’t carry someone else’s fate. My mother-in-law is, in all probability, dying. We won’t know until she does, and I hold out hope that she may yet have some wonderful, healthy time in front of her. But, we all have our own fates, and our own paths to walk. I can’t extend her time by one iota, it’s in the hands of the Divine.
So, I give my love, prayers, and do any tasks that I’m handed, and do them with love. And let go of outcome as much as possible. Of course, that means letting in a lot of grief and sadness. But, my heart can handle that. I know how to cry. I can do that.
The third reminder is that the business is an entity. It has a heart and beingness to it. I was the channel for its birth, and it has claims on me in its existence, as do the team members, clients and others who depend on what Heart of Business gives.
It takes a lot of prayer, and a lot of connection to Source to trust this very painful, narrow, twisting section of the path I’m walking right now. And yet when I can take the time to stay connected to Source through my practices, when I let others carry their own fates and don’t try to save them, and when I pay attention to the tasks and roles that are here, in this station of life I’m in right this moment, I’m aware of a presence of Love and Caring and Support that go far beyond the momentary stresses of this life’s existence.
I Know I’m Not The Only One
Perhaps you are in a similar situation, where many requests for your time, attention and love are being made. How do you fit running a business in, too?
There are choices to make. But, the choice isn’t about what to put first. The choice, as I see it, is to bow my head and find my connection to Source, and then accept what is being asked of me, and trust that the Divine is caring for those things that I can’t get to in a particular moment. Even if it means someone is dying.
This is not a call for complacency. Or a call to give up compassion. This is the call to deeply surrender to Love’s annihilation of my own picture of how I think things should be, and the profound acceptance of my small and humble place in the mystery of life.
I hope you’ll join me here. I need companions on this path, because it sometimes approaches more than I can bear, it can be challenging to Remember the irrevocability of Love’s promise to us: You are already Home.
25 Responses
Oh, Mark, what a beautiful, profound teaching in the midst of this very difficult and painful time. Thank you so much for your presence, your humility, and the path you embody that’s visible to all in the way you live your life.
My prayers and love are with you and Holly and the twins and your family. May all blessings carry you where you need to go. If there are practical ways in which we, your community, can help, please ask.
Love and blessings,
Hiro
Hiro Boga
Dear Mark,
What an amazingly beautiful, vulnerable and heartfelt post. You do really practice what you preach. I learn so much from you as a teacher in the way that you live your life. Thank you for your wisdom and your humanity.
Being alive and in love with our families and our businesses and with spirit itself is no easy job! The path of heart is not for sissies!!!
I am holding you and Holly and your boys and your mother-in-law in my prayers, as always. And echo Hiro’s invitation and reminder to call on your community for help during this rich and challenging time.
Hugs,
Chris
chris zydel
Mark: You’ve rocked the abode one more time! Whenever the Divine heeds my prayers, you & yours will be in them.
Pamir Kiciman
Hi Mark,
This is a lot to be going through!
Like Hiro and Chris say, if there is any way I can be of practical help, please let me know.
Joely Black (@TheCharmQuark on Twitter)
Yes, Mark. Just…yes.
Rachel Whalley
you so provide a reflection of EXPANDING INTO the circumstance of the moment …
please ask, the offer to be-there is given with presence and appreciation …
all best
— joyce
Profound and beautiful thoughts during a tough time. My thoughts are with you as you try to walk this twisty path.
JoVE
Mark,
Thank you for modeling for all of us the way forward when the way turns out to be different from what we expected.
My prayers are with you and your family.
And, along with your other companions on the path, I would be honored to help in whatever way I can.
Hugs and blessings,
Victoria
Victoria Brouhard
I’m there, here, and with you in whatever way I can be.
You’ve been in my thoughts.
Grace Judson
What beautiful words and feeling Mark. Thank you for sharing your journey so deeply with us. Deepest blessings to you and your family on this big, life-filled journey you are on.
Goddess Leonie I Creative Goddess
Sending you love and prayers. Your post has been one of the most real and moving ones I have read – thank you for sharing this moment and your vulnerability. It is in moments and in actions like these that true teachers shine.
Mark, thank you for modeling such transparency and grace in such a difficult time. One of the questions that crops up for me (for myself and for my clients) is how to handle times that are just overwhelming, when everything seems like too much. Thank you. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Julie Fleming
Oh Mark,
My heart goes out to you – you felt so wonderfully present to me during the seminar, and to know you were carrying these burdens too. Thank you for showing me how to be graceful under extreme pressure, how to be present and how to remember.
And please know I am remembering you and your family (Remembering with a capital R really). All wishes for good fortune for you, for your business, for your family, and for the relationship between the three. And keep letting us know if there is something we/I can do that you would find helpful.
Blessings, Caroline
HI Mark,
I learn more from the conscious way you live your life, the heart centered way you run your business, and the deep way you make a connection with the people who come to learn from you than any other teacher I know. And I know a lot of them;-)
I try to be as open and transparent as I possibly can when I teach and at times I wonder if this is the best way to go. You ALWAYS confirm that it is. I thank you so very much for that.
I know I have been away from the community for a bit, but after I clear up this last finincial set back which should be soon, I”m back at the Oasis.
Enchanted Blessing To Everyone In Your Family,
Daina (DINAH) Puodziunas
Hi Mark:
My heart resonates with this very poignant article. I particularly loved this line:
“This is the call to deeply surrender to Love
@Everyone 🙂 I have deep gratitude for the responses you all have written. My heart is happy knowing I have such amazing companions on this path.
I’m feeling like I want to say more, to try and match the love and energy you poured this way, but instead perhaps I’ll just lean back and receive. Ahhhhh.
Mark,
My mother-in-law had a health crisis while I was at the Sacred Moment. Both I and my husband were out of town and my in laws were both hurt and angry that we didn’t respond faster.
My husband flew to Chicago this last weekend to visit his parents. In all honesty I feel pissed and angry at them. We can’t afford the airfare and car rental fees. It’s basically the money we could have spent on our summer vacation. And his mother is out of the hospital but not taking her medication, eating poorly, etc.
I write this because I believe that there is something to learn for my heart. There is a spiritual lesson here. I’ll be darned if I know what it is at the moment. But I’m open to it.
I appreciate your openness and honesty because frankly, I’m looking to your example around how to handle this.
Much love and gratitude to you,
Judy
Oh. Oh that’s so tough, and so beautifully expressed. I feel for you.
May I fall into step alongside you?
Emma Newman
Dear Mark,
Echoing others in prayers, tender holding, and requests that you ask for whatever help/support I may be able to offer.
It is likely no coincidence that your time of “walking a narrow path” is now, just before Pesach/Passover, which celebrates miracles, faith, and the exit from “Miztrayim”. That Hebrew name for Egypt also means “the narrow place”.
Pesach is celebrated via the diligent removal of “chametz” – leavened bread literally, and symbolically – “the negative forces of civilization which sway man from his responsibilities”(1).
So your resolve to respect and honor your role as breadwinner (pun intended), despite all the distractions around you, may well be your precise path to freedom & peace. May it be so.
Much love,
Anne
(1) http://www.ou.org/chagim/pesach/inner.htm
Dear Mark,
I meant it on whatever level(s) resonate for you.
And truly, there are multiple layers of meaning, symbolism, energy, wisdom, and ritual around food, all the more so at this time.
Wherever you are finding profundity, that is your journey for now. Wishing you dry land and sacred song as you cross your own Reed Sea.
B’Ahava,
-Anne
@Char- Thank you, my dear.
@Judy- it’s a tough one, isn’t it? The lesson for me has been that I need to surrender what I think I need, and to receive what is actually here. Sometimes things that I think are treats- summer vacation, fancy foods, etc, end up having a bitter taste, while things that seem hard- caring for ill parents, enduring hardships, end up being much sweeter for my heart.
Once I get over the attachment I had to the treats. Which is easier said than done…
@Emma- I’m glad to have you along for the journey! It seems like both madness AND a heroic quest at times, eh?
@Anne- It’s true- this definitely a mitzrayim- a birthing, and a salty sea. Thank you so much for reminding me of the ritual of removing chametz. There are a lot of lessons for me around food these days, and how to support my heart through how I consciously use food.
I know you meant it in a deeper way- but Lordy, it seems food itself is very profound for me these days.
Wow Mark, this is such a beautiful post. It had me in tears. Thank you for your continued inspiration.
After a month that’s been really personally challenging, I’ve been reflecting on how my business and life fit together and written about in my blog this week. Because I admire you so much, I sometimes slip into thinking that your answers are my answers. It helps me to see that my circumstances are different, my needs are different, and in the end only my heart can show me the way forward. Your post speaks about this and I felt a great relief in it.
I am grateful for your inspiration in the path you walk and the permission you give for me to walk my path.
I’ve commented on my own blog this week with a link back to here…
With love, gratitude and humility, Yollana
Yollana
@Anne- That’s what I love about sacred texts- the meanings are available on so many levels.
@Yollana- I’m so glad you feel the spaciousness to walk your own path. I’ll check out your blog post.
Hi Mark,
I am so with you. I have one 6 month old, 2 businesses, 3 cats, and 2 dogs. Oh…and 1 very affection-starved husband. A date?!?!?!? Are you kidding me?
Hang in there and breathe deeply. And I’ll do the same. People tell me it gets better.
Best, Wendy
Wendy Maynard
@Wendy- thank you! and yes, a date is in order for both of us… with our respective spouses. 🙂 Probably the top priority thing, eh?