Three years ago I made a big decision. I was confronted with whether I wanted to keep Heart of Business as it was–basically my personal practice and the classes I taught–or whether I wanted to build a company.
I spent time in Remembrance. I listened to my heart. And what I saw was that I really wanted to build a company. Why?
Yes, there was more money involved. I wanted to be able to provide a comfortable living for my family, and to make up for all the poor financial decisions I made earlier in my life.
But really I wanted to learn about team work. Collaboration. Leadership. Working together. I’d watch friends of mine who play music, and see the kind of beautiful synchronicity that erupts in a well-honed band. And I’d read a lot of business books, all describing teams of people taking on challenges and making a difference in the world.
I didn’t want to be so alone.
By nature I’m a bit of a loner. Not socially–I love people, and crave just hanging out with folks I love. But with tasks and projects, I tunnel. For those who care, I’m a five-planet Virgo, and a One on the Enneagram, which means I tend to do it myself a lot.
So I decided I needed to lick this issue, and took it on. We, “we” being my wife Holly and I, spent a year learning how to hire by learning how NOT to hire. We made two bad hires of really lovely people who just weren’t good fits. And then we made a third hire a year and half ago, and since then Kate has been a tremendous team member.
She’s all about teams. Her past experience is involved in organizations and working with and running teams. She naturally seems to keep an eye out for what people need and how to keep things running.
Me, I tunnel, remember? I forget to check in with other people. I forget to keep an eye on the big picture. When I get overwhelmed, if I don’t see it, it doesn’t exist.
In fact, it may surprise folks, but I’m not naturally a big visionary type. So far I function best thinking medium-term.
So the conversation Kate and I had last week shouldn’t have surprised me, the conversation which was just one more example of why I appreciate her so much. She basically told me that while I was a very good marketing executive, I sucked as a CEO. She was much more polite than that. The word “sucked” is mine. But the meaning is there. Raw egg kind of sucking.
She basically stopped being the one to initiate interaction and collaboration to see what happened, and the results were predictable, really. We became disconnected. We stopped strategizing. Our check-ins were about tasks and to-dos, not about anything larger.
Oops. Busted.
For this next stage of development I’m needing to learn a completely different mindset. I need to think and act differently. Think and act differently. Think and act differently.
Which is exactly why Kate needed to tell me I sucked as a CEO. Because when things started to get busy, what happens? Does Mark start to become superhuman leadership person? (Nope.) Does Mark even remember that anyone else exists? (Nope.)
Oops. Busted.
For the last few weeks (few years, really) I poured my heart out to my Brain Trust (Molly, Jen, Eric, and Michael). I freaked out. I grabbed a friend of mine who does Sufi spiritual stuff who also happens to be a top-notch corporate consultant and a former top executive himself. I freaked out again. I re-read books by people I admired. I freaked out. I watched video teasers from Melanie Benson Strick. I freaked out.
It’s been three years since I’ve started this become-a-CEO-build-a-company journey and in some ways it feels like I’ve made huge strides. And in other ways it feels like I’ve gotten almost nowhere. Three years to nowhere. Hmmm… maybe I’ll write a blog post with that title. o)
For the umpteenth time in my life, I’m finding myself feeling incompetent, a beginner, a neophyte. The bike has fallen over several times and I’ve scraped my knees. And yet it feels like I’m getting closer and closer.
I know what I’m really good at, and the products and services here at Heart of Business are all examples of that. And here’s my learning edge.
Can You School Me?
Have any of you made the transition from self-employed entrepreneur to running a company? What lessons have you learned on the way? Snippets, stories, anecdotes, lessons learned, resources. I’m in learning mode and want to hear from folks who have been there.
17 Responses
Oh, Mark.
I wish I was closer – I’d drive over to your house just to give you a hug.
It’s not a question of transitioning from self-employment to running a company. As you know, I’m going t’other way ’round – and I can tell you from my long and sometimes-painful corporate background that 99.9% of CEOs are at least as “tunneled” as you.
But they don’t know it. And they wouldn’t admit it. And they sure as all hell wouldn’t ‘fess up to it and ask for help in such a public forum as this.
It’s habits, Mark. It’s just habits. You’re dealing with habits of years – independence, “gotta do it myself” beliefs.
And your ability to ask for, and truly take in, feedback is what makes all the difference in the world. It takes courage and commitment to do that, and you’ve got both in spades.
.-= Grace Judson´s last blog ..How to DO the second-hardest thing in networking =-.
Dear Mark, No schooling, just support for you in your process and pain. You are brilliant. Your new path will unfold. You are such an honorable and authentic man. Thank you! Blessings, Lee
.-= Lee Miller´s last blog ..From Funk to Freedom =-.
Dearest Mark, you have such a kind and truthful heart. Like Grace, I want to come over there and give you a hug, and tell you how much I appreciate and love you.
I’ve been on both ends of this spectrum–been CEO of a company, and then chosen to scale down to a one-person business.
Different stages of life bring different evolutionary tasks. Your life, your business, your own beautiful heart will grow you into this new role. Your inner CEO is emerging with each step you take. It takes time to dissolve old patterns. Time to develop new ones.
You have Kate, and all of us who love you, witnessing and holding the space for you to grow in this new direction.
Much love to you,
Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga´s last blog ..Shining Up That Crown =-.
I have not run a company, but my background is in leading corporate finance departments and I’m starting my own small business now…
What I love about this is that you know your strengths and you (this is my story of you) are very willing to push your edges and learn new skills and habits.
It seems to me that in growing a successful company the most important thing is to know what your strengths (and weaknesses) are and to surround yourself with people who can highlight your strengths and fill in the gaps for your weakness.
To me, that is the mark of a really great leader. And I think you’ve got that nailed.
Much love to you as you grow your business. Thank you for sharing your journey with such openness.
Nona
.-= Nona´s last blog ..How to prepare for surgery =-.
Wow, Mark, every time I read a post from you I am struck by how apt your business name is. Your heart is visible in every post, and in every interaction and it is charming and endearing.
It sounds like you are in a challenging time right now, and you are working to meet that challenge. Sadly, I have no advice to offer, the challenges I am facing are vastly different, but I feel confident that you are taking the right approach – surrounding yourself with kindly, honest people, seeking advice and being open to change.
So I’ll send you a long distance hug from Newfoundland, and wish you the best of luck as you face this challenge.
I might not have the answer you’re looking for, but I can tell you how I coped.
I struggled with this for about 20 years, myself — running businesses that got larger and larger, and required me to spend more and more time “managing” rather than “doing”.
(Which is very concisely described in all the “E-Myth” books.)
The best I ever did was to become the “Big Picture” guy, and hire people (Kate sounds like one) who could execute on the vision without a lot of support or guidance from me. Back then we called it Management By Objective (MBO) and each week I’d meet with them, review their self-written objectives for the past week and talk about their self-written objectives for the next week.
These meetings required me to actually focus on what was happening in the business, and the fact that all my direct reports posted and shared this information out helped communicate between them. (We also had staff meetings, retreats, and so forth.)
I learned to hire people as “contractors” for a while, give them a project and turn them loose. I could quickly tell if they’d fit in our system, it gave my team a chance to evaluate them, and showed them what life would be like if they came on full time.
Not a perfect answer, and (at this point in my life) I’m pretty happy to work on my own or just be a cog — managing people is no longer a goal for me. But it worked better than anything else I’ve ever run across to help someone like us who doesn’t get up in the morning and shout “God — please let me spend the day solving trivial problems rather than working on something that feeds my passion!”
Hi Mark,
I have no answer. Only compassion for those like you. Those like me. I too have had my yoga studio for three years. In some ways I see how amazing it is, how much it’s grown, how it has enriched the lives of my “right people.”
Yet at times I feel off course and a lacking in the greater vision area. But I find myself here. Learning from you and others that continue to inspire me to live better.
Hugs to you and all of us navigating the same waters. 🙂
@Grace- Hey there, Grace- hugs much accepted! And yes, you absolutely right – it is habits. The trouble is, the habits have worked just fine up until now- it’s this transition that’s triggering the awareness. Thanks for your kindness and compassion. I can feel’em.
@Lee- Gratitude for the support and empathy. Fun, eh?
@Hiro- More hugs! I’m all for’em. I can feel my inner CEO emerging- and perhaps just a little easier because of the support and love you’re giving.
@Nona- More gratitude! I’m glad you feel I’m on the right track- it does feel that way, for sure. And thank you for the love…
@Christine- Another hug! And a Newfoundland hug at that- thank you so much. It really does mean the world to me.
@Dick- I love the story you told- It’s becoming more and more clear the kind of interactions the people around me need from me- and your story helped another penny drop in about that.
And I love the contractor before employee. We’re doing something similar for similar reasons.
@Sharon- Hey- isn’t it fantastic that we all have each other to lean on? Let’s keep leaning in.
Hi, Mark,
I appreciate your honesty in discussing your struggles, even with people who are your clients (or might be someday). You are fortunate to have people like Kate who can “speak the truth in love” and give you the feedback you need.
As I read your post, it seemed to me that the problem (having a CEO who “stinks”) isn’t necessarily solved by by fixing yourself. (Yes, I know you’re the CEO! 🙂 )I’m sure there are things that you need to do, places you need to grow, to get to where you want to be with yourself and your company. But if there are aspects to “CEO-hood” that really don’t fit who you are or who you want to be, I would ask whether those are areas you need to acknowledge and have someone else handle.
I’m one of those people who was a manager in a large organization and left that to begin a solo business. I can remember coworkers who had such gifts in certain areas that it would have been a shame to try to force them to excel in others that really didn’t fit who they were. I’m not suggesting that we shouldn’t expand ourselves, even in areas that are completely out of our comfort zones, but for me, knowing and acknowledging the areas that I simply have no passion for has been liberating and helpful.
I really look forward to receiving your articles each week; having such a heart-centered perspective of our livelihoods is so refreshing! Keep it up!
The most important managerial moment of my life was when I read “
Now Discover Your Strengths” by Buckingham.
In a nutshell, his argument is that we all have things we suck at, and things we excel at. And if we work really hard at the stuff we suck at, we might someday get a bit better. But if we work really hard at the stuff we excel at, we can become world class.
This gave me permission (as a guy who had always been taught that I needed to be good at everything, like my Dad was) to let go. Now I find people to supplement my world-class skills in the areas in which I have immense suckitude.
I highly recommend that you buy that little book, take the test included, and take it to heart. A huge weight is lifted off of your shoulders when you realize that you don’t have to be all things.
.-= Dick Carlson´s last blog ..Yada, Yada Yada. Blah, Blah, Blah. Get To The Point! =-.
Mark,
I know exactly what you mean about wanting to do everything yourself. I’m the same way.
You obviously have the vision of where you want to take your company. That, I think is the primary quality you need as a CEO.
You said Kate “stopped being the one to initiate interaction and collaboration”. Well, looks you found something to add to her job description. If you love, and are best at, developing programs and products, you should be the one to do that. Make it part of her job to pull you out of your tunnel from time to time to communicate some of your vision. Then let her direct the rest of the team at achieving it.
I would bet that the best CEOs have excellent COOs.
I just wanted to add in my deep appreciation for and delight of you, Mark. Thank you for your honest words and open heart! I have no words of advice, just acknowledgment that this journey of ours into and with our business, in the (necessary!) company of others is one that stretches as and exhilarates us and twists us in knots. I was just reading in UNVEILING YOUR BUSINESS these past few nights about “The Veil Of Safety”, and on into “Your New Reality”. Seems like there’s some really great stuff here to help us through those stretching-beyond-ourselves-times :-).
By the way, I walked into my New Reality last night, and I really *did*. I guess I was just ready to do so, and divine synchronicity was in place, with Unveiling Your Business being the perfect conduit. Things unfolded very differently today, because I was *here*. I love it when things like this happen! I’m so grateful that Heart Of Business, and you and my fellow Tenters are all in my journey!
Beauty & Blessings,
Jane
Wow Mark, what a great discussion you have generated with your open hearted sharing. I learn so much from this community.
Sounds like you’re on track to “somewhere” afterall…
Love Yollana
Dear Mark,
Thanks, as always, for your ability to be so vulnerable and transparent here on your blog. I always learn so much from the stories of your struggles and feel so much closer to you when you share your process as a real and messy human being.
And as a fellow Virgo, I know how hard that can be!!
Big hugs,
Chris
.-= Chris Zydel´s last blog ..Art Every Day Month- Day 19: Toxic Comparison, Soul Sucking Creativity Demons and The Healing Power Of Napping =-.
@Ginger- that’s a good point. I’m hoping, really hoping, that the people in my life who are watching this real time are helping me identify what I’m truly good at, and what I’m missing and need to hand off.
I think, though, that I can refocus myself in certain ways. I’ve made BIG changes in the past that had to do with allowing natural parts of myself that I had suppressed to come out. I think there is a visionary part of me. I think there is a part of me that can support a team.
And if it just doesn’t work, we’ll find out this next year. 🙂
@Dick- because you told me to, I ordered the book- it’s on its way- thanks for that.
@Ken- Yeah, that’s a great point. I asked her the other day to be my ally and support the team in that way. I told her that I’m happy to be connected, and that I would probably never have the same level of natural awareness of team and connection that she does. Through some new habits and some structures I can become more proactive so she doesn’t have to hold the whole thing, but she is willing to help watch and support that aspect of things.
Thanks for that!
@Jane- How did you guess? I’ve been using the Veil of Safety recently- dusted it off, because it hasn’t come up for me in awhile. Great call.
And I’m so glad to hear that the New Reality exercise landed for you so strong. That’s an amazing experience, isn’t it?
I’m really glad you’re in our community.
@Yollana- I just want to tell everyone here what a jewel you are, Yollana. Folks, Yollana is going to be the next Heart of Business practitioner, alongside Judy Murdoch, as soon as her family can spare her- especially their new child. 🙂
@Chris-Vulnerability would appear to be a choice, but really, it isn’t. Oops, did I say that on the blog? Where’s the unpublish button?
You rock- We’ve been in each other’s circles for years and years, and I’m just so glad to have a reconnection here in teh interwebs landz.
Mark,
In my opinion, you’ve identified the number one reason why businesses don’t grow beyond a certain point. The lead person(s) have to function differently. I think the best part of Marshall Goldsmith’s book , What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, is the title, which succinctly states the point.
I also wouldn’t expect you to find a book that will be as effective in helping you achieve your goals as someone to walk with you. You’re well-connected and I’m sure there is someone you trust who can help you identify and make the specific changes that are important to you and accounts for your style and your motivations.
I’ve been following your blog for several months now and really appreciate your approach, as it resonates well with me. I’m confident your desire to grow is to attract others who need you. I wish you well as you fill that void in the market.
Guy
Thanks for that affirmation- and absolutely true. As a matter of fact, I have found someone, so I’m jazzed about it all. Appreciation for your good wishes! and right back atya!