Let me be completely honest with you, I have debt. Heart of Business is doing just fine, and there is a significant debt that my family is carrying and still paying off.
About two years ago we took the plunge and hired Kate Williams, which was a total miracle. Within a few months after hiring her in November 2008, our adopted twin sons showed up for us.
Two months before their due date, we received a phone call at 4p.m. on a Tuesday. “The boys are here!” Emergency c-section. Furious, giddy packing, on a flight the next morning at 6 a.m., and spending the next two months in a hotel room in Ohio, visiting the neonatal intensive care unit, bonding with our sons, and going through a very emotionally-charged adoption process.
Needless to say, the first six months of 2009 were rocky business-wise, as Holly and I learned to be new parents, Kate coped with learning a new business and us, making it hard to focus on the financial piece.
Not to mention that the adoption expenses totaled over $40,000.
Which all became debt, as I said.
Like Starting Over
Integrating Kate into the business included spending a lot of time and money on infrastructure, rather than growth or immediate cash-producing business development. Although our business did go significantly ahead in 2009 from 2008, most of the additional cash was eaten up by expenses.
Plus our household expenses ballooned with childcare and special infant formula ingredients. Who knew that fish oil was $22/bottle, or that we’d be spending $200 a month on organic, unprocessed goat milk from a nearby farm?
In this way it reminded me a lot of starting up in 2001. That year I made thirty-thousand dollars as a self-employed business consultant. Pretty darn good for the first year completely solo. And it wasn’t enough. I was also, at that time, carrying debt from a prior failed business.
After ten years in business, you can imagine that I found myself frustrated to be in the same position—making money but not enough to make that debt disappear lickety-split. Ugh! What the heck?
We are doing fine. We’re paying our bills, Heart of Business is growing with very sunny prospects ahead, so it’s not the same situation we were in back in 2001, when Holly was sick with Lymes disease and unable to work and our business and financial prospects were so uncertain.
But emotionally, the same issues come up. They don’t really wallop me much anymore, because I have ways of working with them, but the emotions are still there.
What do you do when you are getting walloped by debt?
The Angry Debt Monster
We had a client who, due to an unfortunate series of events, had seen her household expenses double for a short to medium term. As a result, she was running scared, trying to squeeze every last penny out of her business. Things were not going well.
We came up with some of the usual strategies to increase her business, but nothing worked very well. Clue! Time to look at it from a spiritual, energetic perspective.
Debt had become an angry monster, snapping up every scrap of money coming in. Because the debt monster was running her business, it was like having an evil vacuum cleaner connected to her clients. It didn’t feel good to them, or to her, and things were spiraling down.
What do you do in a situation like this? The debt is real, the need is real. She couldn’t just pretend she didn’t owe anything.
Debt Can Be Healthy
Our hearts love to be in service and give, which is why so many people are natural caregivers. Giving and receiving from each other strengthens the interdependent fabric of community. If I give you money or time, that creates a friendly, heart-opening sense of wanting to give back.
That feeling of the heart wanting to give back when it’s given to is the inspired expression of obligation. That is healthy debt in action. If you ignore the heart wanting to give back, or alternatively paying it forward when given to, that doesn’t make your heart happy.
That credit card debt or other loan? You may hate feeling crushed under the obligation, but I’m willing to bet that deep, deep (deep) down there is gratitude for the initial gift. It’s just the usury, the crushing interest that overwhelms the gratitude with resentment making it so challenging to come to completion with giving back..
Here’s what Sufism has to say about debt: we humans are born with debt. Instead of “original sin” think “original debt.” 🙂 The Divine gave us life and existence, and for that we owe.
Now hold your horses! Before you get your dander up, know that spiritual practice is what repays that debt. Connecting with love, remembering and tasting the deep love and caring that is available to us is how we repay that debt.
That’s right, repaying Divine dept is deeply nourishing to us.
The Hierarchy of Debt
When you have a number of different debts, the usual advice is to stack them. Meaning, pay the most important one first while paying the minimums on the others. Then, once you clear it, move on to the next.
My suggestion is to use the power of obligation against the debt monster. Pay your debts according to the hierarchy of debt.
The first obligation is to the Divine, Source, Love for your existence. Pay this through connecting to love, and remembering that love is available even here. The power is in remembering that this Divine repaying is not just a “nice thing to do.” It is an obligation to the Divine. And I’m fairly certain that the Divine is more important than the credit card company.
The second obligation is to yourself, your family and loved ones. You pay this through self-care and mutual support. This is reflected in the anatomy of the human heart, where the first artery is the coronary artery. The heart feeds itself before it feeds any other part of the body.
Third in line are any other obligations you owe. By paying the first two debts prior to these, it puts it all, including the mundane monetary debt, into perspective.
In working with my client, when she was able to truly get that self-care and remembering love were not just nice extras but were true obligations demanded of her, it helped her access a sense of spaciousness, creativity and wisdom that she could bring to her business. Instead of pushing, pushing, pushing, she felt okay about stopping, breathing, and musing.
Two results came from that. One was a deep acceptance that she didn’t do anything wrong, that it was okay to be where she was, and that it was only temporary.
The second result was a much more open-hearted and creative relationship with her clients and her business, which spurred a spike in income that helped pay her financial obligations.
It used to be that people were put into debtor’s prison, which is kinda ridiculous because how in the heck are you supposed to pay your debt from prison?
The intense weight and power that debt is given in our society creates prisons that keep us from our creativity and resourcefulness. This can bring up resentment, and we can end up feeling angry or scared about any obligation to anyone. What a bind this puts us in. How can you live a fulfilling life or have a successful business without a healthy interdependent give and take from people and resources around?
Instead of rebelling against obligation, I’m suggesting you lean into the sense of healthy obligation that is available. Pay your debts in order: First to the Divine, then to yourself and loved ones, and finally to other obligations. I bet you find yourself surprised by the results.
What’s your relationship with debt? How does your perspective on it change if you take a few minutes now to pay your Divine obligation first?
p.s. All of this musing about money and debt is coming up because it’s nearing time for the Heart of Money Transformational Journey course.
Last year all 80 seats sold out prior to the early-bird deadline, and we had an amazing time with the participants.
Enrollment isn’t open yet, that’s coming in early May. But I want to give you a heads-up, because whether or not you take the course, a healthy relationship with money is going to be our focus for the next few weeks, until the course starts in early June.
I can’t help it. Whenever I’m getting ready to teach something, it occupies my attention.
p.p.s. Need some heart-centered help in your business?
We have two fantastic practitioners who would be jazzed to help you. Judy Murdoch has a special love for helping people create content that has impact and that can be turned into profitable products for your business. Jason Stein loves helping people assemble a community of support, make astounding requests that people respond to, and have a vibrant business even while facing the challenges of parenting.
You can check both of them out in the Organic Business Development Program.
32 Responses
Thanks Mark.
Again, your words bring me back to myself. The past couple of weeks in particular have been filled with anxiety and fear regarding my debt to income ratio and I lost sight of what is truly important.
I felt such relief reading this post; there are two obligations I can meet regardless of what my bank statement says.
I’ll sleep better tonight thanks to you.
.-= Larisa’s lastest post: One Small Shift in Perspective that can Change Everything =-.
Whew! Sleep is so important- I’m glad this resonated…
Thanks Mark – awesome as always, your words always bring me back to my heart.
It reminded me of a point in the Momentum course – if you’re going to be disciplined in anything, be disciplined in your spiritual practice.
Time and space to breathe, smell the spring and connect with our own hearts and those of others is what is most important; and in a way it’s even more important to allow time for this when ‘worldly conditions’ are screaming for our attention.
Thanks for the reminder…
I write it cuz I needs it… you’re welcome.
Loved the part about how spiritual practice is the currency for paying our debt to the Divine. Reminds me of something else you once said, about how the Divine is the source of our sustenance, that none of us makes abundance, but that we can receive it if we open to that.
So from there I get that the currency of spiritual practice is also from the Divine…kind of by definition. That’s a huge relief, actually, cause it’s easy for me to get stuck in a picture of feeling burdened by my Divine birthright…kind of like I want with all my heart to love and worship the Divine, but my ego-self reacts to the sense of debt likes it’s and unfair burden. Really helps to remember that the Divine is also giving me the currency to repay the debt 🙂
That is a wonderful reminder, Jim- thank you. Indeed. I don’t have anything.
Fantastic post, Mark. I really appreciate your transparency and insight into this challenging territory. Your thoughts on debt hierarchy, and pointing out that we are always indebted to Life itself, are empowering.
I do wonder, though, if there’s a fundamental difference between the two. After all, monetary debt is a business transaction with both sides agreeing to terms, while our obligation to the life process is something that we awaken to when we go beyond ego, and isn’t an explicit contract (at least I never got that contract 🙂 ).
In awakening to and repaying our debt to Life we find spiritual freedom. In repaying our debt to the bank, there is definitely gratitude for the infusion of life-blood into our business and what that made possible, but I wonder if they might be on two different tracks…
Thanks again for the post!
Steve
I think there are two different levels here, so it’s a good distinction. And that’s kinda the point. We allow the material agreements to get in the way of our primary obligations, rather than the nourishment of doing it the other way around.
Mark, each time I read one of your articles, my heart relaxes into a deeply restful ahhhhh…
This morning I woke up with the Beloved in my heart, mind, and ears, a debt that is so welcome and so very precious. Thank you for the continuing reminder that all is well, in debt and in life.
Love, Hiro
.-= Hiro Boga’s lastest post: Playful Discovery: The Cure for Internet Hangover =-.
Sweet, beloved. Thank you for that. I’m grateful, because your presence helps me with the same thing.
Again, this showed up just when I needed it. Yesterday I was in a panic all day trying to make choices. Choices I knew in my heart were good choices, choices that would move my business forward
You are so welcome. Break out!
Thank you Mark.
You’re welcome. Thanks for taking the time to let me know you liked it.
Another excellent, liberating article Mark, thanks.
A thought:
I wonder if another reason we struggle with the weight of financial debt, beyond the temptation to resent for high-interest usury, is that that we are rarely dealing with PEOPLE, but with institutions and machines?
For example, if you, Mark, or someone else I knew, had lent me some money, it would be easier to remember the ‘personal’ gift and trust you offered and be grateful to repay it. But with an impersonal institution/machine, that is lacking.
Make sense? And what’s the solution…get to know our bankers better? Micro-lending? ?
Warmly,
Leif
I believe that’s definitely an aspect of it. The impersonal nature of it is what allows these institutions to make choices that aren’t based on human connection. I’m wondering what kind of choices those same bankers would make if they had to look me in the eye, and sit down to dinner with me afterwards…
Thanks Mark for a great post! I really resonate with your honesty and transparency. And I love the point about the initial gratitude when incurring the debt …. I paid a lot of money last year for some training. Some of it was well worth it and some of it wasn’t. So yes, I have been aware of resenting the debt from the training that wasn’t worth it. But I learned a very valuable lesson about following my heart and not following the crowd. So I can definitely focus on that as the gift. And having recently been diagnosed with Lyme myself, I can appreciate your wife’s journey to health!
Hugs and love to you,
Deborah
P.S. I don’t sub to many newsletters, but yours continues to inspire and feel real to me. Thanks much.
.-= Deborah Donndelinger’s lastest post: EFT Welcome =-.
Thank you! I’m so glad we keep being relevant for you, and that this was so helpful.
And oh, Lyme! Don’t stick with just the western approach- use holistic methods. Holly used a combo of so many things over 10 years… I wish you a nourishing healing journey.
Thanks to all for such inspiring and heart-felt ‘resonance’ with Mark’s latest piece…
Deborah’s comment in particular struck a chord – I’ve been holding on to resentment about a huge sum of money I paid last year to re-brand and have a new website etc. It didn’t ‘deliver’ what I was hoping in all sorts of ways, and I’ve been beating myself up about making the ‘wrong’ decision, and feeling ‘ucky’ about a sense of being ‘trapped’ by not now having the funds to change it, or the provider.
So… looks like there’s some ‘release’ that needs to happen here, and a move from resentment to gratitude.
Thank you for bringing this ‘home’.
Ugh! How painful… sounds like some grieving is needed before you can move on…
mmm, for some reason the latest blog link ion my comment takes me to my site, not my latest blog. not sure how to fix that. will investigate but if any answers, I’d appreciate it.
.-= Deborah Donndelinger’s lastest post: EFT Welcome =-.
Mark, Thank You.
I look forward to your article each week, and this one hit the Spot particularly well for me. Worrying about my business debt is one of the quickest and most powerful ways for me to collapse into fear and insecurity about my ability to succeed and be provided for.
Reading this article helped me to remember how true it is that my provision comes from such a higher Source, and how that Source is always available for me to turn towards. It helps me to know how many people feel like I do sometimes (even you!), and that it’s just a practice to remember both our humanity and our Divinity in our dealings with money and provision.
Thanks again, so much; this article was like a little beacon of light for me this week.
You are so welcome, Mark. I know for you, coming out of medical school, the debt is significant! And, you are totally on the right path. 🙂
Thank you for your honesty, Mark. I am struggling with balancing getting my business off the ground while working a FT job (and OT) and repositioning myself financially to be in a great place in the short term (5-10) years.
Although I’m not wrestling with the debt situation now, (been there done that in the past), there are still struggles to make sure I am on the right path to get to that better place.
The challenge is to find that comfortable road to be able to do that and launch the business.
I enjoy all of your material and posts.
Thanks for sharing.
You are so welcome. 🙂
Your story touched my heart, Mark.
Both my husband and I are very averse to debt. Therefore, we have none. Yet I recognize that certain forms of debt are sometimes necessary and may even be necessary so we have resources to leverage.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Lexi
.-= Lexi Rodrigo’s lastest post: The Five Fastest, Easiest, Free Ways to Get Web Traffic
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. I can so understand being adverse to debt. Thankfully, the debt we do have is covered by assets we own, so we could, if necessary, clear it. But I think we’re going to just pay it off over the next year or two, God-willing. 🙂
Who else models this kind of honesty?? You’re one of a kind, Mark Silver, and I thank you.
And I am SO excited that I’m just starting on the Organic Business Development Program. It’s a pleasure to pay you 🙂
.-= Corrina Gordon-Barnes’s lastest post: Who
Hey listen, where would we be without being who we are? I’m so glad you’re going to be working with one of our practitioners. Jason is a sweetheart, and knows his stuff. And he’s very glad to be paid, too. 🙂
Mark, I love this piece about divine debt and repayment by practice. Love, love, love. Thank you for bringing this to me this morning!
Its the most heartwarming thing I have heard today, the means of people to help despite of their own difficulties and as well as with being the natural care giver and strengthening each other amidst crisis. It is truly the greatest attitude that every human possess.
It’s also important to remember that collectors aren’t allowed to charge any interest or fees to your account unless the original contract includes them or your state’s law allows it. Know your rights, always 🙂