I was standing in front of a house whose door was, strangely, angled out 45 degrees from the ground toward me. I had to get on my hands and knees to try to get the key in the lock.
While I was struggling with the lock, I heard a noise coming from the second floor, as if someone were already inside. I froze, then stood up and backed away to where my wife, sons, parents, and grandmother were all standing on the sidewalk. Something flew out from the roof.
Then I woke up with a sudden start. The clock read 2 a.m. What a dream.
It turned out to be an ominous dream, because the one family member missing on the sidewalk was my grandfather Philip Silver, who died a day or so afterwards—this past June 20, Father’s Day here in the United States At the age of 93, and as one of the last surviving World War II veterans, he had lived a very full life, long enough to know his great-grandchildren.
My grandfather was a strong, proud man. He had a sharp political mind, and he played a mean game of golf. Like many men of his generation, he didn’t easily or often express the more tender emotions, but the times I saw them in his eye and heard them in his voice left me confident that he carried plenty of love in his heart.
Then I saw him in tears holding our infant sons at their bris. I stood amazed and silent at the holy image of love overcoming his heart as he cried without shame.
There are times when I can feel how precious life is and how wasteful it is to not bring love and awareness to every moment. The essence of a fulfilled life, it seems to me, is catching that balance between enjoying and expressing the preciousness of this one life we have, without getting caught up in thinking that we’re more important than we really are.
As I wrote about two weeks ago, these are urgent times. The amount of change my grandparents witnessed is almost beyond belief.
Both he and my grandmother, who survives him, were born before 1920. As a reference, Henry Ford opened his assembly line for the first mass-produced automobile in 1913. Orville and Wilbur Wright achieved the first successful flight in 1903. Radio broadcasting began in 1920. The first working television was introduced in 1926. It was in the midst of this that his own parents held him as a precious, tiny infant.
Zip forward to 2010 and the era of the internet, the one-person global business, and instant free video communication.
Can you imagine living through that much change? Yet, with so much gained, there’s also been so much lost. Suburban sprawl has disconnected many of us from regular contact with the natural world. Technological progress has disconnected us from a sense of stillness. And increased mobility has cost many of us our sense of place and experience with intergenerational family.
Both my sister’s family and my family live in different time zones from each other and from my parents and grandparents. Consequently we missed being at my grandfather’s side when he passed. Before this moment of crisis, we missed many moments of time with the elder generations.
As I face the loss of my grandfather, I also wonder what lies ahead for my children.
The pursuit of newness and of more is always going to hold a fascination for us humans. Yet, we’ve been chasing that newness and more to such an extent that we threaten our connection to our past and our future.
There’s a gift in all that we’ve created in the last century. Collectively we have raised a tremendous tide of change. My grandparents have contributed to and lived through that change with as much grace as they could muster, which has been considerable.
As we continue to build our businesses and move ourselves and our own children toward the future, my heart wants to temper the pursuit of “more” and “new” with extra thoughtfulness and consideration for where we really want to go.
If you have a moment, I ask for prayers of love and support for our family, and especially for my grandmother Ruth, who has lost her husband after sixty-eight years together. If you have another moment, I ask you to pour prayers of love and strength into your business and your life, so that we may all contribute in the healthiest way possible to the future we’re all moving into together.
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26 Responses
My thoughts are with you and your family, especially your grandmother, as you move through this space of loss. Your grandfather was a fortunate man to see his grandson become such a gift to the world.
.-= Rachel Whalley’s lastest post: Is Visualizing a Waste of Time =-.
Thank you, Rachel. Much appreciated.
Hi Mark
I don’t normally pray but your writing inspired a spontaneous prayer from me to you, your grandmother Ruth and to myself and my own family. I hope we all find peace withing the pain of our losses. And I hope we all find the courage to create the future our great grandchildren deserve. With love, Lorraine
Thank you, Lorraine for your spontaneous prayer- it means a lot to me.
Hi Mark
I think you know from my personal message that my Heart has been with you and your family.
Reading this article I felt my Heart reaching out again across the thousands of miles that separate us, knowing that in the Heart there is no separation and that truly no distance can keep our human family apart.
What comes to me is is that we don’t have to ditch “new” and “more”. Maybe what can be new is new ways of relating with each other. And what can be more is the love we feel when the illusion of separation dissolves like the mirage it is.
with loving kindness,
Leo
Leo- I love that: “Maybe what can be new is new ways of relating with each other. And what can be more is the love we feel when the illusion of separation dissolves like the mirage it is.”
This totally resonates with me, Mark. I grew up in a huge house where my grandparents also lived, and uncles and aunts were regular visitors often spending a week or longer. My grandmother was extremely talented; she did not have much of a schooling as a young girl but taught several housekeeping skills. We are fortunate to have seen her spin yarn at home with a spinning wheel, and then have bed-covers made for us with that yarn; and make quilts; and a dessert from sprouted wheat, which she sprouted and ground in a milling stone herself!
My son and I stopped in the countryside one day, and we stood gazing at the swaying rice fields; that simple sight was so peaceful and we felt connected to nature. He said no video game ever gave him that kind of a feeling!
It’s the same house, but now there are only five people left! My dad felt alone when my mother died, but he was shattered when my younger brother fell a victim to leukemia.
Yet, life goes on…
Ahh… thank you so much for sharing that glimpse of your family’s life. Life goes on.
Hi Mark,
How wonderful that you were able to recognize the tenderness and loving generoisty of your grandfather throught the dsiciplined courage of living his life by principles he didn’t waiver from.
I never had the pleasure of spending much time with my grandparents and only got to meet my father’s mother. So I underestand how your relationship with him was important to you. l
I honour your love for your grandfather and pray that his love will console you and your family.
Thank you, Vida. I appreciate your prayers.
It’s an interesting topic you bring up. When I decided to start my business and I knew it was going to be a heart centered business, I was living in Seattle, 3000 miles away from my family. As I was putting my business plan in place, I realized I needed to be closer to family. So I started a business and moved to the east coast at the same time.
It has been a blessing to be so close to family and integrate back into their lives. I’ve been able to have lots of new mixed with old. This summer we’ll be traveling to the mid-west for a family reunion to create more new memories.
Thank you for the post.
.-= Jen’s lastest post: Re-pot Your Life =-.
That’s a courageous decision. We almost made a similar decision, but our guidance didn’t take us there, for many reasons that are more obvious now. I’m glad you are nourished in your family.
Mark, your grandmother and all of your family are in my heart and in my prayers. I can’t imagine what it’s like for her to live in a world that no longer holds her husband of 68 years.
Tender blessings to all of you. May this time of grieving also be a time of remembrance, and the healing flow of love.
Love, Hiro
Thank you, beloved, for your prayers. They mean the world to me.
Thinking of your grandmother, you and your whole family Mark during this delicate time.
There are times when, to me, lots of word feel more like clutter than anything else. So I’ll keep it short.
Lots of prayers and lots of care for all of you.
.-= Fabeku Fatunmise’s lastest post: Bombs Gonzo And Drums =-.
Thank you, my friend, for your prayers. I’m imagining those prayers carried on the sweet sounds of your singing bowls.
Blessings and the highest and greatest good to you, your family, and especially your grandmother, Mark. I know all is well and that all that happens is for your benefit. Peace and love to you.
Gratitude, Laurel. I do feel blessed in this time.
Sending love and prayers to you and your family. I cannot imagine how lost your grandmother, Ruth, must feel without her love of 68 years. Wherever she reaches out, I hope many hands and hearts reach back.
What a precious memory of your grandfather at the bris for your sons. I hope it is one of many joyful and comforting memories for you.
.-= Mahala’s lastest post: When Stories Hurt =-.
My grandmother told me that she could feel his presence in the apartment- I don’t know if that lasted past the funeral.
Thank you, friend, for your prayers.
Dear Mark and Family ~
Please know that I will hold you all in my heart in this time of great loss *and* new beginnings …
Love and Bright Blessings ~ Karen
Karen- that means the world to me- I so appreciate your holding.
Mark, thank you for sharing your memories of your grandfather as you mourn his passing. My thoughts are prayers are with you and your family, also, especially your grandmother Ruth.
Like others who have commented, my grandparents lived in other cities and I didn’t spend much time with them. My mother took us kids for a two-week visit to her parents in Buffalo, NY every summer, and I cherish the memories I do have of her mother.
Grandma Marsales taught me how to shop for groceries and particularly, how pick the best vegetables and fruit. I loved feeling that I was old enough to be trusted to go to the grocery store three blocks away, pick out the items on Grandma’s list, pay for them, and bring them home in a red Flexible Flyer wagon. She died when I was 10, but I think of her every time I heft a cantaloupe, sniff it, and press the stem end to see if it has a little give.
She was born in 1878 in Germany, one of 10 children, eight of whom lived to adulthood. She was already an adult when the Wright brothers launched their plane at Kitty Hawk, and she missed seeing the first human spaceflight by a year.
I wish I’d had more time with her, to ask her what it was like to emigrate to the U.S. as a young woman in the early 1900s, to see the world that disappeared with World War I, and to survive the Great Depression and an all-consuming war. I’d love to have had her perspective on the enormous changes she lived through in her 82 years.
And thank you, Anne, for sharing the memories of Grandma Marsales. The chain of generations is such an amazing gift to treasure while its here. And then the next link is broken off and the next link is added.
My love and prayers go out to you and your family Mark, and especially to your grandmother Ruth! Thank you for sharing such an intimate piece of yourself and your life.
I can’t imagine what it will be like when my 93 year old grandfather, or Pop Pop, as I call him, passes, and how my grandmother, or, Mom Mom Ruth, 89 will get by…They’ve been married for 65 years and are still such an incredible inspiration to me and example of true conscious living.
Peace, love and blessings!
Joy
.-= Joy Rigberg’s lastest post: Conscious Joy Parent Coaching =-.
Thank you so much, Joy, for your love and prayers. And I’m so glad you’ve gotten to enjoy your grandparents, Pop Pop and Mom Mom, for so long! May they have more years of joy and health.