Have you ever been moving ahead with a new project that you are truly passionate about… and hit a wall? Because it’s new, it’s probably been a stretch the whole time, but you were optimistic, you thought you could do it… And then suddenly, whether it’s the costs, the logistics, the people, the skills… Suddenly you don’t feel like you have what it takes anymore.
I was talking with a friend about this recently. She’s been starting a new business on a shoestring, getting her website together and all her foundations in place, but yet to bring in a steady flow of clients (it takes time…) and meanwhile, her debt has been weighing on her. Ouch.
She shared with me, through tears, the terrible fear that she wouldn’t be able to make this work.
Have you heard of “Transition”?
I have two beautiful children. My daughter was born in water at home. My son was born on a bed in hospital. In the last 20 minutes before each of them were birthed, I went through the part of labour that is known as ‘transition’. It’s the part where I felt like I couldn’t do it anymore, like it was all too much, all too hard. In the case of my son, I (who had been so committed to a natural birth) started to ask about drugs, surgery, anything… I was desperate and I knew I couldn’t do it on my own anymore.
A good midwife can spot this moment, when a mother says she can’t do it anymore, and see it for what it is. It’s the one time s/he can safely ignore a mother’s words. My midwife knew what to do. She smiled. Said some words of encouragement, and something like ‘we can look into it’… stalling my requests just long enough for the moment to pass, and the final phase of birthing to set in. Baby born, hopelessness gone, thoughts of drugs and surgery a million miles away. Transition complete.
There’s a lot we business folks can learn from birthing.
Transition means significant change… It’s a shift from one way of being to another. The birth of the child signifies the start of parenthood, or another round of it – a new role and way of being, new family dynamics, relationships, priorities and commitments… and the birth of a business or project may not be so different. As a new being itself, it brings many of the same shifts.
Most of us have an inbuilt resistance to transitions like this, even if we crave them. In order to make space for something new – a baby or a business project, we have to let go of the physical and energetic structures, systems and ways of being that have held the space where that being wasn’t.
And there it is. Right there, in that profound moment between letting go of old structures and birthing new ones. It’s called free fall.
It’s profound because it is formless, structureless… free.
And this same quality of open freedom is like an invitation to all our resistances, to all our places of stuckness, fear and unfree-ness to arise. As my dear teacher-friend says, “they come up for freedom”.
Something’s gotta change
Hopelessness, fear, frustration and desperation don’t just occur when a great change is happening. They can actually support it. Ultimately, they help us surrender and allow new perspectives, possibilities and avenues to open. Here’s three scenarios that illustrate this point.
When I hit the transition moment birthing my daughter, I got frustrated. I’d been ‘pushing’ for a long time and I felt like I wasn’t getting anywhere. Finally, in exasperation, I said to my midwife: “Why do you keep telling me to push?!” She actually hadn’t meant to be ‘telling me’… she thought she’d been ‘encouraging me’ because I was at the point where an actual urge to push kicks in. I wasn’t. My exasperation and our conversation brought insight and clarity to the moment. I changed my technique. And shortly after that, the real urge to push came, and my daughter was born.
When I hit the transition moment with my son, I was exhausted. And I was scared. By now my body knew what this should feel like… the natural urge to push was happening… But the baby wasn’t moving. Again, I spoke up in frustration, begging for drugs, surgery, anything… And the midwife brought the doctor to check our progress. It turned out that although my waters had broken hours ago, a pillow of fluid had formed between my baby’s head and the birth canal, keeping him from moving forward and down. The doctor burst the pillow, and the birth took it’s natural course. Again, my desperation – voiced – helped us create the conditions needed to complete the transition.
Back to my friend with the cash flow crunch. When her fear and sense of hopelessness got strong enough, she reached out for help. We were able to see that her resistance was arising precisely because her business was coming together. But we were also able to review the structures that were carrying her through the transition phase. When we reviewed her cashflow situation, it became clear that part of her fear was based on a real need, and her current financial support structures may not be enough to see her through to the complete birthing of her business. We took a good hard look at her money situation and came up with some strategies to sort it out. Although it wasn’t comfortable at first, the process ultimately gave her more peace, along with the stability and certainty to move forward.
Three keys to getting past ‘the wall’
So if you hit a wall, here’s three climbing ropes to help you navigate it.
1. Be aware of the let-go. Sometimes we forget that beginning something new may mean we have to let go of something familiar… If we are not aware of this, we can end up unconsciously holding onto the familiar and wondering why the new has not yet arrived. Try to see yourself with your new project fully birthed. Really put yourself in the picture. Looking back, what would you have had to let go of to embody this new space? If it’s appropriate, you can begin to let go of it now and make space for space itself. For the in-between place where all freedom and possibility is.
2. Make space for (uncomfortable) change. Whether dramatic or subtle, resistance often arises right alongside freedom. You may experience fear, loss, grief, hopelessness, confusion, anger… however it shows up for you. And if you do, you can know that all of this is a healthy response to the deconstructing of something familiar to prepare for something new. Just be gentle with yourself as you let these feelings wash through.
3. Know you’re on track. Stay focused and celebrate. Like my midwife, you want to recognise that transition moment, and celebrate it, because it means you are almost there! If there’s a part of you that feels like a birthing mother – completely irrational, hopeless and falling apart, give voice to that part of you. Listen carefully. It may actually say something truly important. And then ask yourself: what structures or supports do I need to bring in or tweak to complete this transition phase effectively?
A new business or project is a transition… Old ends. New begins. And in the space between is a powerful potentiality. It is a space where creative energy becomes manifest, spirit congeals as structure and form. And it is a place of healing, revelation and insight. Embrace it.
p.s. Need some heart-centered help getting your business going?
Our two practitioners, Yollana Shore and Jason Stein, have each had a few openings recently. If you’re wanting hands-on, individual, one-to-one support for your business development, then may I recommend the Organic Business Development Program with either of them?
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26 Responses
Dear Yollana:
You wise old soul!
This is great stuff.
It reminds me so much of the principles in Otto Scharmer’s “Theory U”.
We cannot get to the place of “letting come” until we can reach “letting go”. And that requires a deep dive (deeper than we might have thought) — deeper than the “business-as-usual” way of thinking (because thinking is sometimes part of the problem) … into a much more creative realm of presencing, dreaming and imagining.
Thanks for your wisdom!
Wendy
Thanks Wendy! You packed a lot of deep words into a short paragraph! Maybe I need to read Theory U… 🙂
Hi Yollana,
Fab article. I relate to this because the desire to give up seems to be strongest right before the breakthrough. As if I know the breakthrough is coming and get frightened of actually making it.
At these moments, I convince myself to keep going, to not give up now!
Enjoyed this.
G.
Exactly!
Dear Yollana,
Great article! It’s making me really miss working with you… how’s your new group going?
When I was healing from a serious car accident (which took years), I would occasionally get to a point of absolute despair and frustration… that “I just cannot live like this any more” place. Finally I noticed that this feeling almost always preceded a significant leap in my healing process.
A friend with a 3-year-old says the same thing — her daughter goes through a phase of being extremely cranky and distraught — and then reaches another big developmental milestone.
I’ve noticed this in other parts of my life too. And I’ve started to welcome the “I can’t stand it” energy as a marker that I’m ready to ask for help, or take a new risk, or stop doing something that doesn’t work. Or as a sign that the change is already well underway, and this is just part of saying goodbye to the old way. Almost a reassurance that I am, in fact, *more* than ready for something new.
At least, I try to remember to welcome this feeling when it comes. 🙂 Thanks for the timely reminder!!
Marilyn
Aw, Marilyn. I miss you too!
All these great examples that you have given of this dynamic have reminded me of another one…
For women (and perhaps some men?) … there’s a monthly occurrence where it truly feels like the world just might end and everything is upsetting, overwhelming and makes you want to cry…
I remember I was in just that mood one day when a friend asked me “Are you about to get your period?” (I hope that’s the appropriate term in the US?) and it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. Ever since then, I’ve been able to recognize that moment, and not take myself too seriously when it occurs.
Hi Yollana,
This was beautiful and inspirational! Just what I needed to hear today.
The part that resonated most with me was your explanation of how we all have different reactions to change and growth, and we need to embrace them rather than push them away. So called “negative” reactions, such as anger, frustration, hopelessness, might surprise us when we are headed towards something positive or something we want. So we might suppress them, or add even more negativity (what’s wrong with me?). Rather than opening up to them, and letting the resistance be freed.
Thanks again for your words of wisdom 🙂
Thank you Martina. This exact point is at the heart of nearly all the healing work I do…. Isn’t it refreshing to just be allowed to feel what you are feeling?
Dear Yollana,
Thank you for this perfect message today! I feel like I’m in the middle of transition (definitely remember that feeling from my birthing experience with my daughter). Will remember to use my voice to proceed.
Thanks,
Monick
Nice one, Monick.
I guess we could extend the metaphor by saying that while some women, in some cases, feel safe and strong enough to birth alone, most of us work better with help and support…
Yollana,
Great article. This stopped me in my tracks and had me wanting to learn more.
“Hopelessness, fear, frustration and desperation don’t just occur when a great change is happening. They can actually support it.”
Thanks Jason. It’s an amazing possibility, eh?
Thank you for the childbirth analogy, Yollana! It’s so true – no matter how much “prep” we think we’ve done, the reality of an experience will take us by surprise – like Marilyn said – whether it’s a “good” thing or not!
Bright Blessings!
Thanks, Karen 🙂
Oops, meant Martina!
Great to hear your voice, Yollana – and that you’re bringing a uniquely female experience to add to the collective wisdom at Heart of Business. You three all rock SO much!
Thank you Corrina. I’m definitely in good company 🙂
I loved this post Yollana and really loved the birthing analogy. I’ve got 3 kids and can so totally relate to that process.
It’s so true that we can’t embrace the new without honouring and releasing the old. I feel like I’m stepping into that space of transition and I’m not 100% what I am being asked to release in exchange, so to speak. Although I have a good idea where it’s all heading. So just trusting in the universe with this one.
Thanks again for sharing.
Fiona Stolze
🙂 It sounds like you are going gracefully into the unknown, Fiona.
Oh my, what a perfect analogy. Having birthed four babies (the last in water too.. yay!) and hitting that point with each (though each experience of transition unique)… *sigh*. That was always the hardest part. I would describe it as ‘peering into the abyss’ … a moment that women through time have faced… many made it through, but some did not, and I think we all carry that genetic memory forward, and the fear that maybe this time, it will claim us.
I’m now also going through the financial part too… about to sign divorce papers any day, and really, REALLY wanting my practice .. the love of my life… to be able to carry me and my family financially into this unknown future. Your post felt like deep reassurance of the process, to help quiet the voice in my head, saying, “you must be crazy to think you can pull this off…” 🙂
One last note, when I hit that point with my third birth, and I was asking those present to remind me NEVER to do this again, my midwife grinned at the nurse, and said, “Yeah, that’s what they all say…” LOL
Hi Gina, I’m glad this post was reassuring!
It’s interesting that you bring up the whole cellular/genetic memory thing… I was just reminded today, working with a client, of how family histories can play into the ‘abyss moments’ of business and financial transitions.
And isn’t it funny how after the fact, “the end of the world” becomes a minor pothole on the path forward…
Hi Yollana,
I will echo lots of others here when I say this article arrived at exactly the moment I needed it. I am waiting to hear about a contract I want, from a group that wants what I bring, but who feels like they don’t have enough money to hire me into the role they want filled. This brings up all of my fears about whether I can make a living doing what I am doing, serving the people I want to be serving. In the hour before a phone conversation with their board chair, I opened up the newsletter with your article in it and a few phrases jumped off the page into my heart:
“Transition means significant change — it is a shift from one way of being to another”
“In order to make space for something new…we have to let go of the physical and energetic structures, systems, and ways of being that have held the space where that being isn’t”
I’d been wrestling with the money and value question for an hour or more, trying to figure out what the best thing to do was (drop my price to where they could “afford me” or stick to the price I quoted, or something close to it and see what happens). Suddenly, I realized (or remembered, really) that the resistance I was having around all of this was larger than just the money issue — that I needed to step back and look at the big changes that would come if I take this contract, and what changes I am afraid might need to come if I don’t get it.
Walking myself through your keys to getting through transition created a lot of clarity, and some breathing space. I had a good conversation with the board chair, rooted in creativity, not fear. We’ll see what comes, but I feel like I was able to stay in an authentic place where I could honor both my worth and needs, and the needs and desires of their organization and offer options that might make a collaboration work for both of us.
Thanks for your wise, loving words.
Tasha
Tasha, that’s awesome!
Thank you for your detailed comment…I love reading in such specific terms how this article was useful to you. I’m holding a space in my heart for a positive outcome with your new client (whatever that looks like!).
Love Yollana
This seems so familiar.
We set up our business a while ago based on my wifes expertise in her field. She was sucessful and why make someone else rich?
I’m an accountant by trade and technically minded, so it seemed a done deal, nearly two years on we are just seeing the fruits of our efforts, many times have we both felt like giving up.
I’m not saying that the pain of hitting the wall has all gone, but with a clear head, some refocusing and the trickle of business, optimisum has increased and our positive attitude is now rubbing off onto potential clients.
We took a step back (a holiday in fact), came back to work, identified what worked, what didn’t and what others were doing well.
Thank you again. I say again because I appreciate this message about transition when the newsletter first arrived and I appreciate this message while I am going through transition now. This message has shifted my behavior and emotions from one of frustration to one of celebration as I know now that it is simply transition and I feel the movement towards the actualization of this business. How I have envisioned it as well as it being the part of the larger whole.
thank you!
I agree with you about the transition being important whether in business or giving birth(not that I’ve given birth). If you keep pushing against a wall whether it’s in business or aything else, you’ll never make it. You need to evaluate the situation and transition to where you’re in a more suitable position to takke advantage of what you already have. In Mixed martial arts, we have a saying:’ ‘Find a way to win’. It’s not always about pushing in a same direction. It’s about pushing in the right direction.