A friend of mine, Diana, who is also a spiritual teacher, used to get into gross-out story contests with me. She would drudge up things she’d seen growing up, or traveling, that were, in all honesty, pretty gross.
I could always, always, without exception, top her stories. Which leads me to the first rule of life:
1) Never compete with a paramedic on gross-out stories.
I’ve never really been squeamish. And while I hold progressive political values very strongly, it’s been decades since my young and foolish teen years, that I’ve shied away from talking to, or learning from, those with different viewpoints.
Which is why I’m always confused by what people say to me.
What People Say To Me
“I know you aren’t going to like this, but military-type efficiency is what I’m talking about.” “Uh, I know you’re heart-centered so let me know if I’m talking numbers and strategy too much.”
“Uh, but I need to make money.”
It seems at least once or twice a month I have to give someone the speech, “Listen, you don’t have to be careful talking with me. I want to hear the reality of what’s going on, what you see, what you think.”
I know, I get it. I’m a spiritual teacher. I’m studying for my Masters of Divinity. People may perceive me to be in the realm of a rabbi or a priest.
I just get a little confused. When did “heart-centered” become synonymous with squeamish, or fragile?
I read in Good to Great by Jim Collins that Winston Churchill had a similar problem at the outset of World War II. He was worried that, because of his strong personality, people would just want to feed him good news about the war, that somehow he couldn’t take what was really going on.
So he did something radical. He created the Statistical Office as a channel of information whose only job was to tell him ALL the news, good, bad and terrible. And there was a lot of terrible news early in the war.
What Heart-Centered Is Not
Being heart-centered does not necessarily mean you are:
- Afraid of talking about money or profit;
- Too squeamish to talk about power;
- Scared off by references to some of the things that the military and other hierarchical organizations do well;
- Morally unable to be inspired by or otherwise learn from people with different beliefs or points of view;
- Addicted to cute kitten videos;
Well, okay. That last one went too far. If you’re heart-centered, you might be at risk for CVA (cat video addiction). But let’s put that aside.
While someone who is heart-centered might have reactions to some of things on that bullet list there, the reactions aren’t there because of the heart-centeredness.
In fact, reactions block access to your heart. You may decide to tithe a portion of your income to those who are homeless. People in reaction will do it without thinking, carrying an unconscious belief that they have to get rid of all the money that comes their way because it’s dirty.
Heart-centered does it from a grounded, calm place of generosity and sense of responsibility to share what one is given. Heart-centered also finds a healthy, balanced sense of how much is okay to hold onto.
Despite differences in our convictions and world view, I’ve been inspired by Christian evangelical and author of The Purpose-Driven Church Rick Warren. His books became best-sellers in their genre, he was making a lot of money, much more than he needed.
So he decided to reverse tithe. That means he gives away 90% and keeps 10%. I would guess that he is still comfortably a millionaire.
What Heart-Centered Means
Heart-centered is simply a commitment to love being your compass.
• Love is courageous.
I get scared at times, same as you. Heart-centered means a commitment to stop and get our marching orders from love, not fear.
• Love is powerful.
Many times I feel weak and ineffectual. Heart-centered means a commitment to return to our own center of love before acting, instead of trying to grab power through control.
• Love is flexible.
A critical deadline is missed. A detail gets dropped. Something totally unforeseen happens. Heart-centered means instead of marching forward blindly we check back in to see if love holds the rudder steady into the storm, or if it turns us onto a new course.
Squeamish is reactionary. Love is not.
You don’t have to be able to out-gross me, or anyone else, to be heart-centered.
Stand With Me
With the way things are going in this world, now is not the time to be squeamish. Despite what we’re reading in the news, despite what the Statistical Office is telling us, now is the time to stand up.
Every act of business can be an act of love. Courageous, powerful, flexible.
Are you in?
19 Responses
I think it might be about the heart-centred embracing tenderness rather than callousness and caring only for money.
But I think heart-centred also eventually means embracing ‘the shadow’. In which case we will probably be no longer squeamish.
Yes! I agree with you about what heart-centered is and isn’t!
Thank you for articulating it so well, and sharing your voice.
Mark,
Thanks humbly and kindly going into this . Recently had a conversation on Facebook about heart centered business owners who were overly focused on being “too nice”.
Love is courageous. Love is powerful. And so are you.
With gratitude,
Paul
That was really a fun and interesting read.. I love how you explained the difference of heart-centered to those that aren’t. I can’t explain it in words, but heart-centered for me means being the aggressive type.
Thanks for this post, Mark. I appreciate your clarity about this…and there are so many qualities of the heart that are relevant to business. How about courage, whose French root is coeur..the heart. I sure need to connect with my courage in my business, daily!
As a heart centered business owner, being courageous to me means honestly and compassionately eyeballing my motivations, weaknesses and strengths, and my results in business (the old bottom line).
Sometimes the real courage is NOT to make nice or gloss over those sticky spots..
you just get wiser and clearer with each passing day. this is a keeper: “Heart-centered is simply a commitment to love being your compass.” Right on!
Jennifer, I had the same thoughts when I read it. Mark nails what I feel every day –
This is just lovely. As I struggle on a daily basis to “birth” my baby business – thank you for reminding me to come from a place of love.
Thanks!I really appreciate your clarity in this article..Their are a lot qualities of the heart that are relevant to business. How about courage, whose French root is coeur..the heart. Keep on sharing great article..
When I read “Heart-centered means a commitment to stop and get our marching orders from love, not fear” I knew — yup. That’s what it means to me. Shifting that little – tiny incredibly difficult dynamic is what has transformed my life.
Deirdre recently posted about Operation Mend
Ah, great topic, Marc!
Yes, you are so right, I resonate so much which what you are saying. It is not only business owners who confuse being heart-centred with with being squeamish or fragile. I have worked with leaders and managers of all hierarchy levels and often get similar reactions. There is a general fear of being considered as
I read a book on Bonhoeffer many years ago and it really stuck with me. He was so HUMAN. It’s nice that you mentioned him here.
On second thoughts
I’m with Jennifer, here
An eye catching topic and bold ideas. The line that I loved most is “Heart-centered means a commitment to stop and get our marching orders from love, not fear” where I could relate from it. Thanks for the post and keep up!
Wow, i had no idea Rick Warren reverse-tithes. I think that is awesome. I sometimes feel that people are all about the money and thats why they wanna sell their books, but that proves otherwise.
I’ve enjoyed reading this, since I too, is very emotional (well it’s my personality) I’ve learned some points to consider at a time. Thanks for bringing this up. Maybe it would be worthy to use logic than heart most of the time.
Dear Mark,
I’ve had this post in my inbox as I kept going back and reading and rereading, letting it sink in. It spoke to me on many levels.
First of all, I’m smiling as I realize that I’ve taken “heart centered” (which is how I’ve lived for decades) to mean “should” and “shouldn’t.” As in, if I’m heart centered, I shouldn’t make too much money, or I shouldn’t ever lose it with my kids, or I should eat less meat, or I shouldn’t be in conflict with people….yada, yada, yada.
These shoulds have caused much suffering in my life, because they aren’t about being heart centered at all, but about trying to squeeze my life into some mold of what “should” be. (When I am present with my shoulds, I find 99% of them are fear based and have to do with wounds, not my heart.)
So your description of heart centered as being centered, being clear, and not reactionary makes my body relax and say, “yes – that’s it! That’s what I’ve been learning.”
I also second the comments here about how being heart centered means opening to all of our humanity. That’s been a big part of my journey – loving myself unconditionally. (Very easy to write about, a whole ‘nother ball game to practice.)
Thank you for your synthesis and clarity, because it helped me find clarity. And thank you for the invitation to practice courage, for heart centered living takes much courage!
I feel much gratitude for you and for the HOB community. It meets my need for community and belonging and, today, understanding.
In gratitude, Karly
Yay! Karly! So glad to read this. What a relief, eh?