Problems are the bread-and-butter of marketing training. “Talk about the problem!” “Press on their pain points!” “What problem is going to trigger the ‘buy now’ reflex?”
Boy, doesn’t that feel good? My heart aches just thinking about that kind of approach, and that’s why so many heart-centered business owners avoid talking about problems.
Then they find that their marketing isn’t working so well. Sigh… do we have to stoop to manipulation just so we can have clients, or is there a better way?
Two answers to this. And I’ll mention that the exercise at the bottom of this post doubled our email subscription rate overnight.
First, About Those Problems
What is a problem? It’s something your potential clients are struggling with. Something that has them stuck, wrestling. Maybe feeling hopeless and overwhelmed.
You can either push on that pain, “Hey! You’re probably feeling doomed by your problem! And you are! It’s going to be miserable, unless you fix it!”
Or you can empathize with the pain, “Hey! You’re probably feeling doomed by your problem. I get it. Ouch! How painful…”
Feel the difference? The first one has the intention to “push on a pain point” and the second one… The second one is pure empathy. It’s an open heart seeing someone in pain and acknowledging that pain.
Pushing on the pain point can trigger sales, and resentment. And disgust.
Yet open-hearted empathy creates a listening space, a heart-connection, and trust. This is incredibly important and powerful, and why you shouldn’t avoid talking about the problem.
So let’s talk about what needs to come before the empathy.
Whose World Is This?
When someone enters your business they are entering your world, your realm. I have a LOT to say about this, but for right now let’s just say that your world is partially defined by the values you carry, by what’s important to you, by the possibility of what you’re creating. It’s the world you’re living into.
We’re talking about a shared worldview, a shared sense of tribe between you and your right people. It’s that sense of belonging.
When you stand for values, when you stand for what you believe in, that creates tribe and belonging. And, of course, trust.
This sense of belong and shared-values also increases the effectiveness of the empathy, because it’s more believable. If we belong to the same tribe, then I’m more inclined to believe that you might really get what I’m going through.
When you combine the trust that arises out of a sense of belonging with open-hearted empathy for the problem, you have a winning combination.
People feel seen, you are doing a service by meeting some very core needs every heart has to be witnessed and understand.
And, it also happens to be very effective marketing. When it’s done with sincerity and honesty, it’s beautiful. When it’s done dishonestly, from a place of manipulation, it feels gross and racks up hugely bad karma points.
The Exercise
Take three minutes right now and answer these questions: What do you believe in? What do you stand for? What values are dearest to you?
Now look through your web copy. Are you taking that stand? Are those values evident?
Take another three minutes and answer this: What problems are your clients facing? Do you have true empathy for their struggle?
Now back to your web copy or other marketing. Are you talking about their problems empathetically?
I’d love for you to share on the blog your stand, your values, and your empathy. Let’s see some examples! Let’s inspire each other to bring this healing-centered focus to your marketing copy.
Tell me about it below in the comments.
21 Responses
Hey Mark,
You’re banging out unbelievable business gems this March! Empathy is always a great topic. Not encouraged in our present slog toward adulthood.
My stand: Find your own way through life. That will mean finding the courage to go against the grain, to disobey at times, to be the first one to stand up and take a stand. To cut off the mental chains that keep you tethered to the pole of conformity.
My values: speaking up, dissenting to keep democracy alive, freedom, fear-lessness, daring to live when alive, waking up from chronic sleepwalking, taking chances on yourself and others.
My clients’ problems: They want to unchain themselves. They want to love their own lives. They want to unleash themselves. They don’t want to have lived for no reason.
My empathy in copy and elsewhere: Frankly, I’m always trying to unleash myself further in this area. [GOOD COURSE MATERIAL FOR SOMEONE!] As I mentioned above, we’re taught to compete at all costs for generic prizes, to see each other as adversaries, to keep on the masks even if we’re crying or suffocating on the inside.
My copy: it reflects an unleashed person. can I get more empathy in there now that you mention it. Absolutely. Here’s an example of my copy.
home page:
My name is Giulietta, (aka Giulietta the Muse), inspirational rebel and life awakener. I
You’re so welcome, Giulietta. Thank you for your kind words! I love what you stand for- democracy and our aliveness really needs this.
I try to do this in my blog posts. For example, my values around academic work is that it IS important and that publishing should be about getting important ideas out there to the audience you want to speak to (whether that is other academics, policy makers, or whoever), and NOT just about validation and getting promoted or whatever. So my recent posts have been about that perspective.
I also wrote once about not being competitive and how that works for me in a society that values competitiveness. One client actually told me that she came to me because of that post. She wanted a way to think about her research and academic work that wasn’t about competing with other academics but rather about doing this work that she thought was important.
Thanks for the reminder to do more of this and keep this perspective in the front of my mind when writing.
Hi JoVE- exactly! Your client knew she needed you because of the stand you were talking, the world you were describing. Beautiful!
Beautiful Mark! I love what you are saying because it resonates so strongly with my own experience.
I was in sales for many years and struggled with the idea that I was just peddling goods. Not creating value but just pushing boxes out the door.
Life (and my lovely wife!) led me into fatherhood and social work where I found my calling. Many twists and turns have brought me to a place where my work gives me something I value greatly – a sense of contribution.
I truly believe each of us has inside a wellspring of answers. Thanks Mark for asking great questions!
Peace, JR
Hi JR- that must’ve been so painful in sales. I’m so glad you’ve found your way to your calling- and our partners are precious for that- my wife pulled and pushed me in all kinds of ways to help me be on my path. Peace.
I believe in the importance of all of creation – every person, every creature, every stone. It is all necessary for there to be completion. Everything and everyone belongs and is connected. And I believe the grounded state of being is unconditional love.
I stand for treating all of creation with dignity and respect (at a minimum) and with restoring the flow of unconditional love as the ultimate attainment. In business, I stand for honoring the contribution of each and every person to the whole. I stand for a balance among purpose and profit, people and process, plan and planet.
The values dearest to me are integrity, clarity, compassion, respect, responsibility, collaboration, and of course unconditional love.
The problems my clients are facing are challenges in the areas I stand for (of course). Lack of balance, lack of respect, lack of flow, lack of sense of belonging, problems with purpose and profit, people and process, plan and planet.
I have been there. In some instances, I am still there. I may only be a few steps ahead of them at times, but if I can shine a light and show them even one step forward out of their stuck situation, then I have been in service to my purpose in life.
And no, my marketing copy does not yet reflect all this. Something I am working on with Isabel Parlett at the moment.
Hi Kathy- What you have really inspires me- I want to live in that world. Thank you for taking that stand. And I’m so excited you’re working with Isabel- she’s amazing like that.
I believe in the power of people to feel good. I believe in reasonable limits and sustainable work life and feeling energized and proud at work. I stand for body and mind wholeness and integration with the whole person
Fleur- I think the “dirty hippy” thing could be an interesting brand… 🙂 And when you describe more empathy for the workers than the clients- that’s a trap many people fall into. The empathy is so critical- and if someone believes they are being judged for what’s happening to their workers, they won’t feel safe enough to come forward and get the help to change things for the better. Nice catch!
Great challenge, Mark! Thanks. Here goes:
I believe the world urgently needs each and every one of us to be our authentic selves, to find the intersection of our gifts and a need in the world.
I stand for the idea that you do not have to sacrifice joy in order to have justice, nor should you sacrifice justice in order to have joy. When we do what we love, we immediately make a difference.
I value full self-expression and authenticity, leadership, a commitment to social change, ongoing growth, spiritual seeking, and humor.
My clients need permission to be themselves! They borrow my certainty that they can achieve their dreams, until their own certainty is strong enough to see them through.
I will be launching a new website next week. As I look through my new copy, I think I’m doing a good job of talking about my stand and my values. I think I need to talk more about my clients’ challenges, with empathy. I’ll go do some editing now!
Thank you again. As always, SUPER useful.
I love that, Julica, “nor should you sacrifice justice in order to have joy.” You rock. And good luck/congrats with the website! Can’t wait to see it go live.
Oh, Julica, I just love this line: “They borrow my certainty that they can achieve their dreams, until their own certainty is strong enough to see them through.” What a gift you give!
I help people quit smoking, and one of the things they need the most is the belief that they can do it.
My website currently is a great ‘before’ example – I’m now working through Mark’s Heart-Centered Websites course, and the transformation is dramatic – both in the site itself, and how I feel about my business and myself in my business. It will be posted soon – perhaps I’ll drop a note here when it is.
Wow, powerful post – and right on. So here are my answers:
What I believe in: I believe that a) one person can make a difference; b) that there is opportunity in every situation to create good; c) that no situation is unsolvable; and d) how you look at the world and the people in it — will determine what you receive from it.
What I stand for: Caring and integrity. Bottom line, people don’t hire me to tell them what they want to hear – but to share my gifts and tell them what they need to hear so they can get to where they ultimately want to go.
Values that are dear to me:
Doing and saying what’s right (versus what’s convenient)
Giving good value
Making sure that I leave things better off than when I started
Creating interdependence (versus dependence)
Hi Gina- glad it landed for you. I love “there is opportunity in every situation to create good.” I somehow take a deep breath when I read that. Rock on!
Hi Mark
Thanks Marc for this wonderful post and exercise.
I believe that each one of us has come here to share our gifts and talents with the world. I believe that we are meant to be happy and happiness comes from sharing your love, gifts, and talents. I believe that everyone has the potential for an exquisite life, though not everyone knows how to get there. I believe I have come to this world to be a way-shower to joy.
I stand for authenticity, creativity, joy, passion, and living the life of your dreams (no matter how simple or outrageous that may be).
The problems my clients face are that they feel stuck/in a rut. Some parts of their lives (many parts of their lives) are fine and successful, but in some fundamental way(s) they are unhappy. Maybe they are in a toxic relationship or then cannot find a relationship at all. Maybe they are in a soul sucking career, or the job is “ok,” but they are not sharing their talents in the way they desire. They have a voice whispering, “there is more than this,” but they just don’t know how to get there.
Thanks for this exercise. It’s going to help me be more explicit about empathy.
Hi, Stumbled across this blog and love it. Such a no none sense approach to business selling and marketing. This really speaks to me! its a very philosophical approach to selling and really gets down to the parts that matter. Read a few of these now and really enjoyed the read. very valuable if you own a biz and need some solid advice to help make the difference with customers. Thanks!
Thank you thank you thank you – for tackling what has become my #1 pet peeve. In the last year, I attended two workshops and at both of them, when we got to the ‘up selling’ portion of the day, I was a) astonished that this beautiful teacher had somehow morphed into a manipulative (and annoying) (and smarmy) salesperson; b) pretty angry; c) unlikely to purchase anything from them again. The first time it happened I walked out in bewilderment. My pain points had been inflamed and it would take me months to figure out what had happened. The second time, in spite of knowing about this kind of selling, I was again sucked in – and walked out of the workshop feeling betrayed. I am so grateful you are working to show people a better way to position and sell their products. For me, the formula that works is leading people to the choice they want, naturally, to make: a choice toward love.
I believe in our innate capacity to contact the Divine deep in our own hearts; I believe in our boundless resilience and ability to regenerate when we connect to Source, that we can know ourselves as whole, no matter we have experienced. I believe that within our deepest wounds live the seeds of healing, and that healing is a gift from the Divine.
I stand for telling the truth, to ourselves and others, creating a safe time and place to be naked with our discomfort and express pain, vulnerability and negative emotions without being judged or seen as less than whole. I stand for keeping people safe when they need help tending and cleaning their spiritual, mental and emotional wounds for the purpose of healing.
The values dearest to me are art, beauty, wisdom, respect, authentic expression, safety, clarity, faith and spaciousness. I love encouraging people and seeing the Light in them, unconditionally.
My clients have had a loss or painful experience, and have not fully recovered. They’ve done meditation, but that doesn’t address their emotional needs. They’ve done psychotherapy, but that doesn’t reach into their deepest hearts, where there is a longing for connection to Source that passes all understanding. They’ve had energy healing, but they’ve had to cobble together healing from all these areas, and they are ready to find the meeting place. My work bridges the gap between meditation, psychotherapy and energy healing. I have a profound trauma history, and I walk the path of healing that I also teach and offer in private sessions. I have been training for thirty years to do the work I now do.
Beautiful, Nancy! Thank you!