In July we relaunched our website, which included a new make-over, including a new webhost. Why change webhosts? I wasn’t too attached either way, our current host was fine, except the interface was a little clunky.
Our developer, Tzaddi Gordon recommended DreamHost, so we went with them. Why not?
I don’t know why it took them so long, but here it is the beginning of October and I just received an email newsletter from them. And I laughed out loud, like, three times. You may not laugh, but here’s a sample from it.
“Whether or not you’re *good* at the job isn’t actually super important. You can sort that out later with your manager – I’m just trying to score a finder’s fee here, Bro. Do me a solid on this one.”
Brett Dunst, their vice president of marketing and corporate communications, wrote that about 12 positions Dreamhost is currently hiring for.
Would you say that to your clients?
Of Course You Wouldn’t
Or would you? How do you talk to your friends? How do you talk with the people you feel the most comfortable with?
Maybe the most direct question is: How do you talk? You. The real you. Not the scared or cautious, or worried about outcomes you. But when you know you’re safe, when you know no one will be upset, how do you express yourself?
You don’t have to try to be funny, or strange, or extreme. But you do need to show up.
Creating Presence In Your Writing
Your true presence is a silent, sacred depth in your heart that overflows to fill the space around you with your essence. You infuse, in fact you can’t avoid infusing, your presence into everything you do, including your writing.
That presence, combined with your personality, creates intimacy and connection.
When you’re heart-centered, you might be tempted to focus mostly on the heart, right? Heart-centered, heart-focused… can become heart-obsessed.
Some of the most sacred moments are quiet, deep experiences. Totally nourishing, and yet it can leave us sometimes with the feeling that if we’re going to do heart-centered work, that we better leave our personality at the door.
Did you buy the myth that to show up as your true self means somehow that you’ve let crazy toddlers, hopped up on chocolate, loose at midnight mass?
This Is Called Leadership, a.k.a Helping People Out
Leadership is “showing the way.” This can be your vision for your business, or your life. Or it can be something as simple as…
I remember Holly and I being overwhelmed. Actually, I can remember many times when we’ve been overwhelmed, and not just since we’ve had kids.
Anyway, I remember Holly once sent out a request for help to a list of friends. And the replies that came back weren’t just offers to help, though we received those. Some of the replies were, “Wow, thanks! This gave me the courage to ask for help myself.”
When you show up as yourself, you help others relax into themselves as well.
It doesn’t especially matter whether you are funny, sincere, gentle, or whatever your most home-like personality traits are.
It’s An Efficient Way to Serve Everyone
You serve yourself, because you aren’t self-censoring and that’s just healthy. You’re serving the Divine, because you’re honoring who you are in your beautiful totality. You’re serving others, giving them permission to relax into who they are.
And you are serving your business, because it’s the most sincere and most effective way to create and deepen relationships with people who may become your clients. It creates trust and love.
Here’s what I want you to do.
- Think about your favorite people. Now think about yourself in their company.
- What personality traits come out? Who are you? What roles do you tend to play in a group of friends, or one-on-one? What personality traits come to the fore?
- Things to watch out for. See if you can catch “filler” phrases that everyone says. For instance, I just heard a podcast that started out “Hi, I’mand I want to welcome you to our show.” If that were you, what would truly express yourself there.
Perhaps, “Wow, I’m realizing how grateful I am that I get to share this information with you.” Or, “Whoa, I struggled forever with this thing we’re going to talk about, and maybe you do, too, so let me get this to you.”
The point is, make it real.
- Now, take a look at your last piece of writing. Identify the main point you are wanting to get across. Now tell your group of friends about it, maybe for real or maybe just in your mind.
What difference do you notice in how you talk about it to your friends?
Write like *that* in your next blog post, email, or other marketing effort.
Are you willing to share? I know it’s vulnerable, but come’on, let’s see.
p.s. If you’re really wanting to stay in your heart and hold onto your business no matter what bumps show up in your life, then you may want to consider the book that was born out of this journey.
Unveiling the Heart of Your Business: spiritual, practical, nitty-gritty and hundreds of small business owners already have it.
15 Responses
Oh Mark.
That bit about letting others relax into themselves. I’ve never really allowed that thought to form properly, and now you do, I am grateful. Because you have given me a gift there – the confirmation that through my own writing I can perhaps create glimmers – sparks – to enable others to allow their voice to bubble up through the layers.
I witnessed it when I used to teach a bodyflow class, that eventual relaxing and shedding. People used to glow afterwards, not just from the workout, but from a Thing, a releasing, something they wanted to come and share with me about themselves.
It’s a kind of magnetism; because I am a science geek I visualise magnetic people just helping all the little particles line up a bit better in those they touch, so that they feel braver to stand in their truth.
I love the Dreamhost newsletters too : ) I am not really that interested in the content, but I just like the way the guy writes.
Thank you.
x Jo
Jo- It’s a big deal, isn’t it, giving us permission through examples.
Hi Mark,
I’m always happy to read about your perspectives on your own business, By following your insights since 5 years now I would almost be able to describe your company’s history from my view. What I’m really missing since some weeks is the “All the best to you and you business”. This blessing reminded me always that we are working on something intangible and are following a path not conceived by my self. So, all the best to you and your business. Franz
Franz- All the best to you and your business! 🙂
I love those DreamHost guys. They crack me up.
I can’t tell you how many friends, with all good intentions, tried to edit my voice out of my new website this summer. Saying it would “flow more smoothly” and “sound more professional.” My rule was, if I couldn’t imagine the sentence coming out of my mouth, it couldn’t be on the website. I figure, I’m going to talk to them that way when they get here, so I might as well start out that way. The people who are looking for formal and authoritative will want a different acupuncturist anyway.
One of the coolest things about my new website is that my new patients recognize me when they get here. It’s subtle, but lovely. I start talking to them the way I do — which is very conversational and informal, and a bit silly sometimes — and I get this little smile, and I can see them relax. Like, yep, this is the person I signed up for.
On another topic entirely: Mark, have you considered putting your “notes from the heart” up on your blog as well? I love what you have to say in those notes, and often wish for a little conversation to follow.
Thanks for all you do!!
Marilyn
I’m so glad you stood your ground, Marilyn, and kept your voice. And thank you for your kind words about Notes from the Heart- that’s a special sharing I have with folks who subscribe to the newsletter.
Everybody keeps telling me “When you are working, just work, do not involve into it” But I can’t. I always get involved and the result – a lot of lost energy, sometimes in vain, but sometimes the projects are just amazing. Then I am feeling really satisfied and this keep me ambitious.
Hi Girly,
I’m exact the same, even I try to tell myself just work nothing else, DO Not get involve. But isn’t it that the point to get involve and come up with some great solutions? Is that not the reason why some people having fun and satisfied at work?
Claudia
Keeping my Self in my writing (and social media) is something that’s constantly on my mind. And I know it’s working because I’ve had several people whom I met online then later in person who’ve said I’m exactly what they thought from my internet presence. I may have squeed a little.
And yet, and yet, and yet… There’s always another wall to break down, another dragon to slay in the interest of saving my interior village from inauthenticity. I know I could be more forthcoming, more “real”, more me when I write and connect with my tribe. For me, it’s a journey rather than a destination. As I unwrap myself, I find more presents inside.
Nice, Ellie Di. And there is a counterbalance, isn’t there? Sometimes we share too much, and it’s not appropriate. Always a balance to walk.
From Notes from the heart: “Strategy isn’t going to answer that question. Falling heart-first into love and vision is what will lead the way. Strategy is what you do -after- you can see the path.”
I have known this with every fiber of my being for a long time, but have been struggling to find the words to explain this process. Thanks for clearing that up 🙂
It was wonderful to witness all that has happened in Heart of Business over the past two years and I am really looking forward to the next phase. I do believe that very big wonderful things are in store for you and HOB not only because of the purity of what you are putting out but also because of the careful way that you grew the business. You know what they say and I believe it is true: “slow and steady wins the race.”
As always I am very grateful for all that you put across here and especially for your willingness to be honest about what you are struggling with–both in life and in business. It has really, really helped me to ease up on myself and it’s made a tremendous difference in how I deal with my own mistakes.
Cathy- so grateful to hear that! We’ll see what’s up around the next bend, eh? You’re on your way, too, my friend.
Wow. I can’t believe a VP at a company would actually write that about employees he’s trying to hire. Kind of cracks me up to think this guy is sitting in a corner office sending out emails like that. One thing I’ve always said about a writers voice is that you know you’ve found it when somebody meets you in person you and you’re exactly what they expect.
It’s so true, Srinivas- to find that integrity, consistency, through and through… it’s comforting in a profound way.
This is one of those areas that Jason is helping me with. He urges me to write brave blog posts, like the one I just did about the ethics of affiliate programs. Our natural voices are like beacons. Our false ones just blend in with the crowd.
I have one friend who just LOVES it when I swear, especially when I say “fuck” (can I write that on your blog? Oops, just did). One rule that I have for myself with clients and on group calls is that I can use the language I want, which is a refreshing change from my previous life as a teacher and youth worker. Uncensored, authentic, grown-up.
I find it challenging sometimes when I read a lot of other business blogs to return to my own voice, rather than be caught up in theirs – especially when someone’s an engaging writer, like you Mark. It’s the same when I speak with an Australian and find myself adopting their Aussie twang. We can be chameleons, sponges of language, sometimes, and it’s good to take a breath and refind ourselves.
I’ll keep moving in this direction – thanks for the extra nudge 🙂
With love & respect, as ever,
Corrina