A client had been wrestling with focusing in on what he does. The funny thing is that he already had a fairly well-developed business, with a full client load and a good income.
But, he had a LOT more potential, and not being able to articulate what he does was keeping his business down.
Plus, it should be said, that he had participated in a high-priced, high-energy coaching program that had created financial results in the short term, but had left him disconnected from himself, burnt out, and with no foundation to easily repeat what he had achieved.
Not good.
He needed to get super-clear on what he does and who he does it for. After he struggled on his own for quite some time, he and I worked through it in about a week, between two coaching sessions.
After so much struggle, how did he get through it so quickly? He’s a smart, open-hearted, capable person. He was stuck exactly where most people get stuck.
Permission and Surrender
Like all good-hearted people, he had a longing in him to work with a particular group, but he also didn’t want to exclude anyone.
Permission was needed to go for what he really wanted. And surrender was needed to let go of the “shoulds.”
One of the most elemental phrases in Sufism and Islam: La ilaha illa’llah. It means there’s only the Divine, that everything is the Divine.
However, the literal translation is even more precise. It says, “NO! There is nothing but the One.”
It starts with an emphatic NO!
The “No” is what we say to illusion when we are seeking Truth. The “no” is what the Divine says to all that isn’t Truth.
If you have a truth in your heart, lean into your heart’s connection to muster up a Divine “NO” to illusion.
Illusions like:
- I must take care of everyone who shows up.
- I must make sure that everyone gets all of their needs met.
- It’s my job to help everybody, no matter what.
- I’m not allowed to follow my heart.
Stop. Just stop. Read through those illusions. Any of them have a grip on you? Or another one that’s similar?
Then ask your heart: who is your business really here for? Who are you really here for? Take your time. Don’t rush. Give yourself some gentle spaciousness here. As you get any little bits of clarity, write it down. Breathe. Relax. Open.
Okay. Got something in front of you? Time to say “Yes.” And surrender to what your heart shows you.
Keep breathing. It’s going to be okay. In fact, it’s going to be more than okay. It’s going to be WONDERFUL. Because now the people your business is really here for, the people you most like to work with, will be able to find you.
Now, don’t keep it a secret. Share with us what you got. What illusion did you say “no” to? What are you surrendering into?
p.s. Needing some hands-on help?
Sometimes a course or group program just isn’t quite the right thing. Sometimes you want something very custom, with the focus totally on you and your business, on your timeline, on your agenda, you.
Yollana Shore and Jason Stein have years of experience as healers and coaches, and have chalked up tremendous successes with their clients. And they are official Heart of Business practitioners, steeped in our approach.
26 Responses
I have a problem saying NO. Its the fear of letting the other person down and being rejected.
Thank you for your posting.
When I breathed, I seen people who are passionate and driven to want to succeed.i seen projects which have the potential for success according to my value system. These are the ones I will go for only.
Yusuf- I so hear you! One trick a friend of mine, Michael Bungay-Stanier, let me in on is not saying “NO” but simply saying “Yes” more slowly… That said, there’s always the refuge of La ilaha illa’llah! 🙂
I love this! Simply saying No more slowly!
Thanks, Mark!
@Sue- You can thank Michael Bungay-Stanier of http://www.boxofcrayons.biz 🙂
Well I do thank him and I’ll tell him so!
Oh my gosh… I just got some very real and exciting clarity on who I want to serve! Yay!
I’ve been working on this for some time and clearly now is the time to have another major breakthrough. I can tell that I’ve hit upon something, because when I say it out loud, I am excited about what I am saying.
“I help courageous people who’re ready to dive inside and face their issues; issues like sexual abuse, PTSD, intense anger or fear, self-doubt, etc.” That inspires me. I feel like when I say that that people can now self-select more easily because I am so much more clear – and that clarity is as much a feeling in me as a clarity of words.
Thanks for facilitating that!,
Ellen
Ellen! Real-live healing and breakthrough! So inspiring for me today, thank you! And I love where you landed.
for such a long time i’ve had this pull towards working with/in corporations — AS AN ARTIST. i keep over-riding it, hearing people’s suggestions that it’s dangerous and could be very compromising… but it keep calling… i don’t know where the pull is going to take me, or how it might look, but today i’m saying YES to it – and trusting that there’s something there for me, and for my work, and for those i’m about to engage with!
Jessica! Yes! Woo-hoo! And saying Yes will allow you to get close and intimate with that calling, and find out what it truly is… can’t wait to find out! Keep us updated…
“I
@Lauren… so much empathy- especially when time feels like its weighing down on you. First, please be gentle with yourself. Gentle, gentle, gentle. Then, say “yes” as I recommend in this article. Not to quitting your job and jumping off the cliff, just yes to following the thread of this dream, and seeing where it leads.
I have a feeling that, sometimes, we want to take other’s responsibility, trying to avoid our own… We care if we have satisfied others and don’t mind that we reject ourselves, in this way…
Inspiring article, thanks for sharing ^^
Feeling wanted is such a double edged gift– it can derail me in an instant. Suddenly I am scrambling, trying to figure out how to make something work that is not what I would have created for myself or my client. It’s as if I have instant amnesia, forgetting all of the other times I’ve done this and been uncomfortable, and forgetting all that I have learned since then that brings me joy. Thanks for this great post!
Kate- praise and blame are two-sides of the same coin, so are being wanted/unwanted. Leaves us so vulnerable!
Dear Mark, this post made me cry when I read the illusions. I’ve been consciously letting go of another layer of the illusion that I have to heal the world which has felt like such a big burden to carry. Now I’m navigating my way back to truth and joy and from this post I realise that I’ve been finding a way back to the Divine. Wow, that just makes me cry. Here I was feeling doubting and scared and all this time I’ve been getting closer to the Divine again. Your words always bring me back to my heart. Thank you Mark. I appreciate you and your beautiful work.
@Jackie- Tissues are our highest overhead item over here. 🙂 So glad it was so helpful! Inspiring!
The illusion of having to take care of everyone hit home for me. As I take a look at who I truly want to serve shedding this illusion makes the process not only clearer but lighter as well. Thanks Mark.
Yay, Cathy! So glad to hear that!
“You should be grateful to be so busy in this economy! You are really fortunate.” But busy doing WHAT? Yes the illusion that I need to help everyone who comes my way is one I am dealing with as well. Thanks for such an inspirational post, Mark!
Greg- glad it landed so well. Those illusions… keep us busy, for sure. 🙂
ive shattered the illusion that your not allowed to follow youjr heart, my dream for 12 years was to emigrate to ecuador, south america, ive done it, been here for almost 1 year now, i have no regrets what-so-ever and have peace in my mind and my heart is very content, a feeling i wouldnt change for the world
@Julie- amazing!
The thing is, you can’t please everyone.
Saying no scares me. I have been rejected many times, so I know how it feels. And I don’t think I have the guts to let others feel that. What should I do? I love this post, by the way!
Thanks for sharing!
-Pam
Fantastic post mark and certainly something I can actually relate to at this moment.
Even though i am more than grateful for the success I have had in the past few years I could have made a hell of a lot more if i didn’t spend hours every day helping those that need it.
Hi Mark,
To be quite honest, I’ve been afraid to go here. What just came up for me is that my coaching business is for those who are terminally ill. However, as I say it and write this, there is an incredible sense of peace.
Ironically, I wanted to be a doctor for the longest time. Then when I started to take my pre-med requirements, I lost confidence. It’s funny how I’m coming back to the healthcare industry but via a different field.
I’ve told you this before, but I really love your work and the community you have created. It feels so great to be a part of this community.
Much love,
Donnie