Years ago when I was a rookie paramedic, I remember walking into someone’s living room on a call. When I walked in the patient looked up at me. The patient’s family looked at me. The four firefighters that were already on scene looked at me. My partner, who had walked in before me and who wasn’t as highly trained as I was, turned and looked at me.
I was tempted to look behind me to see if someone else was coming in. Nope. No one else. As the only paramedic on scene, it was all on me.
I remember lying awake at night at the station, replaying the scenario in my mind, “Something happened *now* – someone is calling 911 *now* and we’re going to get the call *now*…” and again and again.
Nerve-wracking. Being a rookie at anything is nerve-wracking.
One of the recent graduates of our Heart-Centered Article Writing course was telling me about how he labored over his article, working on it for weeks.
In a similar fashion, I’ve seen healers and other spiritually-oriented folks work for weeks or months on trying to increase their confidence through spiritual healing sessions and and other kinds of heart-boosting work.
And right there is the crux of the problem, for the rookie medic, the rookie article writer, and the rookie business owner.
Confidence is Not A Spiritual Issue
Confidence is the expression of trust in yourself that comes after you’ve seen yourself come through what had been new or unknown situations.
Although there is a place for heart-boosting when you are really nervous, a lack of confidence can’t be healed entirely internally. I’ll go a step farther and say that it shouldn’t be healed internally.
False confidence is sometimes called “stupidity.” Thinking you know things that you don’t know, or lacking nervousness about something new falls into the “foolhardiness” category. When you’re new and inexperienced, the stakes are high, and you care. You should be nervous.
Until I had run a certain number of calls as a paramedic, I didn’t have the confidence that I could really handle any situation I found. That happened about two or three years into the job. By the time I left that job, there was very little that made me nervous.
Until our graduate has written, and published, a certain number of articles, he won’t have confidence that he can write and that his writing is, indeed, good.
The Best Way To Face A Lack of Confidence Is Honestly
If a lack of confidence seems to have you paralyzed, I’ll bet it’s not a lack of confidence, but actually one or two other things. Remove them, and you can still move forward even when you’re nervous.
Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep
When you’re new you don’t have the experience or knowledge to make certain promises. And you don’t have to.
A new practitioner was trying to promise quick outcomes for her patients in pain, which left her feeling shaky. When she realized the truth, she just backed off on her promise until she found a position she could feel clear about. “I don’t know how long it will take to get you back to 100%, but I feel confident that you are going to feel significantly better after about eight weeks.”
In your business are you trying to make promises that you don’t feel good about? Are you trying to guarantee outcomes for clients that you can’t stand behind? Take a moment and see if you can identify them.
Don’t Be More Than You Are
Related to making promises but more subtle is the promise of your being-ness, if you will. If you are trying to present yourself as an experienced expert and you’re not, you aren’t going to feel confident about yourself.
What if you could be honest? “I’m new, enthusiastic and passionate!” When you’re new your prices tend to be lower, and sometimes you do a lot of work on family or friends. In exchange you gain experience and testimonials. You gain confidence.
I remember the very first Heart of Business workshop back in 2001 was subtitled, “An exploration into the heart of business.” No promise, no presentation of me as anything but a student in a healing school with some business experience. I had four people and one dropped out. The price was low.
I was nervous, I was new, but I still had fun.
Just remember to be who you are, where you are, and avoid making promises you can’t keep. I bet you see your nervousness ebb and your confidence grow at least to the point where you’ll move forward. Then you’ll start gaining the experience you need to stand strong in yourself and your abilities.
What do you think? How do you handle a lack of confidence? Share your questions and comments here.
14 Responses
Perfect article for me today, Mark. I have been thinking a lot about this. I’ve seen myself collapse at times then do a lot of spiritual practices to try to “heal” whatever I felt the problem was.
[Possible trigger ahead!] I realized watching the Presidential Debate the other night that Romney did something important. Instead of being in the collapsed state and continuing to lose he moved toward Obama with assertiveness and strength. Despite my political leanings being different than Romney I watched that with some interest.
I thought of the literature on attachment issues with children who are at risk. There’s enough good evidence that instead of having kids have a “time out” and feeling “shunned” they need a “time in” to be gathered toward, to be invited into the fold even while expressing boundaries, displeasure, etc.
When I feel I’m not good enough I have a tendency to pull back, hide, withdraw. Your article, and the other things I’ve been mulling around, come together to keep inviting me to move toward life, full-heartedly.
thanks for that,
Deirdre
Oh, how I love this idea of a ‘time in’. Thank you.
Time in! Oh I wish I had heard this when I was raising my daughter. Oh well, at least I can spread the word to the moms in my practice. Thanks, Deirdre!
Mark, both points are stunning.
I love that you titled your first workshop
I’m having a lot of thoughts, feelings and ideas about this. First, this post did something important for me, it reminded me that when I’m doing something new (like putting out new workshops I’ve never done before),not feeling confident is totally understandable. For me, the voice that says I “should” be more confident because of all the other related experiences I’ve had, is the one to pay (more) attention to – it seems to sneak in on the coat tails of nervousness. Trickeeee.
Thank you for that.
That said, I do think that confidence can also be a spiritual issue. Here’s how I’m thinking about it; if lack of confidence, even in the face of experience and positive responses from others plagues someone, chances are it’s related to not feeling like anything is enough – we’re not enough- and that has psychological and spiritual roots – at least for me it does.
Judy just posted The Problem with “why?” or Try a Little Tenderness
http://wp.me/p277Bi-9c
Thank you for this, Mark. It ties into my practice (which Yollana happily helped me remember) of leaning into Spirit for my confidence. Taking the time to connect, with Remembrance, with a sacred song, with a heartfelt and extremely specific prayer… All of these wrap me in love which changes the focus from lacking confidence to feeling trust and ease enough to take the next right action. And the one after that.
Love!
Sue
“trust and ease enough to take the next right action. And the one after that.” I love this line. I don’t have to call myself the greatest, just take the next action that my Heart tells me to take.
Love and blessings,
Meg
Thank you for a great article and the comments were equally as thought provoking. Pam
Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments and thoughtful replies. After spending a nourishing day with my wife on her birthday yesterday, today I’m off to Toronto to teach.
I will add one reply – to Judy who mentioned that confidence can have a spiritual component to it, I will agree with you. If someone is having trouble acknowledging their experience, and their heart is having trouble acknowledging the light they are carrying, that can cause a collapse.
When that happens, I tend to not work with clients on increasing confidence, but increasing humility and surrender, which can help them get out of their own way to see the magnificence that the Divine is shining through them.
Thank you Mark – yes.
Thanks for the wounderful article,i liked very much and i bookmarked you link to come again to read articles which sounds good
As always, Mark, you hit the nail on the head. You go to the core of Truth. Thank you! It is why I trust you – and trust this community. I am tired of people who write things because they sound good – and try to get me to do likewise. Much better, for me, to do it from the Heart.
I also acknowledge that there can be a spiritual healing element – and yes, I like the idea of humility and surrender. The more I talk to “God,” the better things get! 🙂
Love to Mark, love to you all ~Siddheshwari
I agee with Judy. Confidence is a spiritual issue, but more so our trust with our spirituality. Most fears can be conquered with comfortable confidence. I read a book recently by Lola Jones about trusting the divine with 80% of your fear. I found the book a little self directed in the beginning but the message was the same. Most people want to control the outcome of everything and that is were fear originates, in the fear of what we cannot control. Imagine learning to trust something bigger than you (blindly at times) and just doing what you love. You’re experience will be less fear based and you will help move yourself forward in your desired direction. Enjoy your journy as well not just the reward.
I am a 10 year veteran of EMS. I remember the first time I had to enter someones house that I did not know to render aid. I remember how nervous I was when I approached my first patient. What got me to begin acting with confidence was the realization that I had to be strong, not just for myself but for my patient. How would I feel if some snot nosed nervous EMT came into my home? Probably not good. I might even ask if there was soemone else that can take me. I equate it to how Sun Tzu described putting soldiers on Death ground.
Sun Tzu Says: “Place your soldiers on death ground, from which there is no retreat or escape. When faced with the choice of fight or die, they will chose to fight.”
I had no choice but to help this person, so I did. Me being confident in my skills and training made it so the patient was at ease and made the call go a lot smoother. Thank you for sharing this post I found it informative.