In a recent Spiritual Nourishment call for the Heart of Business Alumni Community, a question came up from one of our members about being too agitated or upset to access the experience of sweetness, peace and wisdom that she was used to in spiritual practice.
This can be a real problem when big decisions in business are coming up, and you’re needing to access guidance and clarity. But ain’t nothing there. Bummer! Painful.
I’ve heard lots of wise counsel about “being with the experience” or learning how to calm yourself down, which can be really helpful. But that’s not exactly what I shared with her, and it’s only part of what I want to tell you.
As you might have guessed, there’s a Sufi teaching at the heart of what I do have to say.
There’s a Sufi saying, “Know that if you are not perceiving the Divine, the Divine is perceiving you.” Taken badly, you end up feeling like you’re being stalked by some nosy version of Santa Claus who knows when you’ve been bad or good.
But let’s not go there.
Instead I want to talk to you about Intimacy and Distance. The Intimate experience of the Divine is what is most commonly longed for. It’s the “drunk in the tavern” intoxication with love that the Sufi poet Rumi describes. It’s the feeling of peace and contentment that fills your heart and your being when you know that all is right with the world.
It’s Love with a Capital L.
Intimacy with the Divine Beloved is a wonderful thing, but it’s not the whole story. So let me tell you a story.
The Dhikr Circle
During the third year of my Sufi training I was a senior student and on track to being an assistant. At the school one week we held a dhikr circle, which in this case was about 150 Sufis holding hands and chanting.
When the circle is that large the teacher who is containing/leading the circle from the center will sometimes pull assistants into the center to help.
Now, I’m not very proud of this, but I wanted to be chosen to be in the center. It wasn’t unreasonable that I would be chosen, but I wanted it.
Unfortunately I also knew I was attached to wanting it, and my head and heart were distant from the experience of the dhikr circle. I was feeling disconnected, lonely, far from everyone even though I was surrounded by Sufi brothers and sisters.
Then I remembered the teaching about Distance. And I made a prayer in my heart, asking “Please let me experience You in the Your Distance.” (Sufis tend to use the intimate form of addressing the Source of Love using “You” but don’t let that fool you. It’s not a beard in the sky, or some human version of God. It’s the You that is We that is One, from which none of us are separate in our essence.)
I can’t really describe the experience I had next, except to say that I was reduced to tears as I tasted in my heart the reality that no matter how distant or disconnected I felt, the Divine presence was there also; that experience is also the Divine.
Weeping, chanting, in my indescribable reality of intimacy in this experience of distance and disconnection, of love, I felt a tap on my shoulder. My teacher was pulling me into the center to help support the dhikr.
Back to Business
Whew… hard to shift gears after remembering that experience… It was very profound for me. And it’s profound for your business, too.
We make assumptions that when things aren’t feeling happy, cozy, lovey-dovey, that something is wrong, that we’ve been abandoned, that we need to fix something that’s broken.
There’s a fine line between the collapse of despair, and the open-hearted embrace of the current experience. The first makes the assumption that it’s always going to be like it is right now, and that you’re all alone, and there is nowhere to go.
The second opens up the possibility of discovering the gifts and jewels that are right here in this moment where you are, no matter how painful it may be. In discovering the presence of Love and Divine care in the feeling of distance and struggle, you no longer need to escape from where you are. And magically, that’s often when the tap on the shoulder happens and you are shown the pathway to the center, and lifted out of your struggle into a different reality.
The Practice
If you are struggling, if you are feeling lonely, disconnected, if things just aren’t working, in this moment, see if you can embrace it.
Not love it. Not change how you feel about it, but allow yourself to swim in the waters you’re in.
Then, find a willingness in your heart to be surprised. Ask to be shown the presence of Love where you are. Ask to be shown the presence of care and compassion and nourishment right where you are, without anything needing to change.
What are you shown? Please share your questions and comments here.
p.s. Toronto, Ontario workshop in October
Rob Helmer from the InnerGarden.ca in Toronto is hosting me to teach a weekend workshop, Friday evening through Sunday, October 12-14, 2012.
If you’re in or near Toronto, I hope you’ll join me–I’d love to meet you! This is going to be in-depth, nourishing, practical, nourishing.
Take a look and register: Every Act of Business Can Be An Act of Love
21 Responses
Mark, this is exactly the message I needed to read tonight! This post helped open my heart to the divine in a time of inner struggle and give me hope that I am not lost. I’m ready to trust again. I am so inspired by your teachings and want to soak up all the wisdom you are offering.
Karl- I’m so glad that this help inspire your heart to trust again. It’s not the easiest to do when distant… Thank you for your kind words.
Hi Mark
Thanks for this blog, always find something that helps me. This one is particularly powerful for me right now as I am on an emotional roller coaster with my business and yesterday I was so upset about some things that are not really so important but they tapped into something much more vulnerable. I will embrace the feeling and my situation today because frankly I am too tired to do much else.
Again thanks for your work.
Jill! That fatigue can be so useful because it brings us to the tender place… I know that one! Thank you for sharing so vulnerably.
Boy, did I need this today. Thank you, Mark.
Liz- You’re welccome!
I’ve been having the experience of distance lately…and when leading a group where we were providing descriptors of each other, received “lonely” and “longing” which brought me to tears. (I received many others as well). In the moment with the group, I was experiencing intimacy, but would soon return to my path which has been solitary for a short time. This post is a beautiful explanation of my sense of connection / disconnection / connection on the earthly plane. I never felt anything was “wrong,” but connected is much more comfortable. Thank you for writing and sharing.
Debilyn- it’s so helpful to understand what’s going on, isn’t it? I’m so grateful to my teachers.
It’s always so hard to write about these/those/my experiences with the big D, and the little d. You do it so very well- and stories help so much.
Here’s one of mine:
I’m new to doing workshops and I’ve been hard at work planning this one coming up Saturday. And, oh I’ve been so attached to people signing up, and oh so stressed about the fact that they weren’t/aren’t. The struggle, the fear, the finances, OY. Doesn’t anyone hear me? One day I remember that I was attached, and I explored the fear of public humiliation/my own shame, opened my heart to that pain, and also let go of it as much I could. Sensing the Distance…
This process allowed a new idea to surface, I wrote a different kind of email, and someone outside of my usual network responded so lovingly, and with such support that I wept in gratitude. I have one person attending the workshop so far, I’m still doing what feels right to do, and I am surprisingly okay with whatever happens. My participant will get one heck of a workshop and who knows what else I’ll learn?
Judy! Exactly! Such a beautiful description of the process- and I’ve been there with one person workshops. It can be a powerful step forward to stay with it. Thank you.
Hi Mark,
Perfectly timed message for me as well. I’m returning from some rest and rejuvenation time with the question ‘what’s next for my business and spiritual path?’ And many possibilities are arising from the question and so far no real clarity which one or ones to move forward. Not yet feeling the connection and guidance. And so, if I understand your message today…that’s where to be, acknowledging what’s so, and knowing the Divine Connection is here even now.
On another note, I also had the thought, “wonder if Mark has plans to compile some of his articles into a book for us spiritually minded business owners?” Not sure what the organization of such a book would be but suspect you have more than enough quality content already written for at least one if not more books. So, thought I’d pass along the idea seed to see if it takes root.
Brad! So good to hear from you, brother, and glad that this resonated for you.
And yes, the idea for a book has been floating out there… Perhaps in 2013. Thanks for the encouragement!
I found this to be an insightful and helpful post because it addresses the real difficulties of isolation, despair and frustration that business and life present. I realized recently how infrequently the behavior that takes place in business, and even in personal relationships, is actually loving. Usefulness, expediency, strategy and life fatigue often trumps authentic connection and value driven behavior. In fearful and stressful times, I wonder: Is the divine a compassionate source? Is it a good and reliable teacher? Your article suggests a way to stay in touch with the good in life, even when life doesn’t feel so good. Thanks for the effort and thought behind the post.
Nathan- Thank you. You are so welcome.
Hi Mark,
I have been struggling with this, not in my business, but in my personal life…experiencing the withdrawal of attention from a person I love very deeply. I have reflected on how this is a metaphor for my relationship with the Divine. I’ve been praying for insight into the pain of it, and lo! Along comes your message. Thank you so much!
Martha- I’m so sorry for your pain, and here’s to healing and ease coming through as gracefully as possible.
I love the reassuring comfort of this post. Another home run, Mark.
I was ruminating on this just moments before reading it because the past month has brought a roller-coaster of changes and up-leveling for not just me, but also my husband and daughter (I know, we’re all really one but you get it). Yet as messy and sometimes chaotic as the changes have been, and as much as we are now physically apart due to travel and international study, I literally FEEL the divine at work bringing me (with as much grace and ease as a prayer to “bring it on” can deliver) exactly what I’ve desired and furthermore, delivering each of us individually and in our relationships with each other, healing, growth and adventure.
I am SO GRATEFUL for the grace and experience to be able to see the process for what it is and not get mired down in fear, grief or uncertainty. It is truly amazing to see the divine in action. I’d love to share with anyone reading this that sometimes even when you might feel most disconnected, that’s actually when you are *most* connected but just might not know it until later, hindsight being 20/20 and all.
A note of insight about asking for things to be/change/move faster or differently – be prepared to strap in for a wild ride!! (yes some of us prefer it that way). I do think the universe yields, and there is grace, and thankfully there is a buffer zone between desire/intention and manifestation. Despite my faith that we never get more than we can handle, the saying “be careful what you wish for you just might get it” comes to mind. As I’ve asked for things to change at a greater pace, they definitely have, which makes it more important than ever to take moments to connect and catch one’s breath. Perhaps a better saying is “be CONSCIOUS of what you wish for and PREPARED to receive it, because you WILL get it”!
P.S. Ditto on the book idea. ‘Hope to see you do it!
Karen- how beautiful- and what a wonderful transmission of grace in the face of change and difficulty. I love it! And two votes for the book. Recorded!
This teaching has helped me during this past week. A very busy week. Not a lot of time to sit in the bliss of Intimacy. Even so, some days I felt that Intimacy – and other days, not. Other days, I was pretty irritable, in fact. But I remembered the teaching and yielded to what is – and in those moments felt the Intimacy in a different way than when all feels sweet. Hard to describe. But it eased things for me, just because I wasn’t beating myself up or trying to change things – other than trying to Remember. Thanks again, Mark!
Hello Mark,
A month and a half after you sent this out, I just now read this email. Thank you for the beautiful story, it triggered a significant shift in me. Most of my life I have felt disconnected, or perhaps it’s better to say I have not felt distinctly connected. I read your story about the circle and I thought it was lovely, but I didn’t feel deep resonance. But when I read the next section where you wrote, “We make assumptions that when things aren
Melissa- Here I am, with tears in my eyes. Thank you for that beautiful sharing. So grateful to be on the planet with you.