A client came to me recently with a question about confidence. “I’m not feeling as confident as I’d like to be with my clients. Is there a Divine quality for confidence?”
If you’re unfamiliar with this idea, the Sufis talk about the Divine having 99 (read: infinite) Divine Names, a.k.a. elemental qualities. These qualities are infinite in nature, and fundamentally without form.
Everything in this physical world is an expression of a Divine quality or qualities. Examples from the Sufi tradition are Love, Wisdom, Compassion, Strength, Guidance, Friendship, Healing, Peace, Support, Faith and on and on.
One very common Sufi practice is to be in Remembrance with a Divine quality. Often we have preconceived notions about what Love or Strength is. Yet I find that when I’m in Remembrance in my heart with a Divine quality I learn surprising things about the quality in question and my relationship to it. This allows me to experience that quality more fully in myself and express it more clearly in my business and in the world.
I was astonished to discover, for instance, that the Divine quality of Strength has a profound sense of cherishing and being cherished. In retrospect I shouldn’t be too surprised, because my teacher had told me that all Divine qualities come from an Essential Love.
Yet the experience of feeling a strength that cherishes just melted me. I realized that I had been afraid of being strong because my heart didn’t want to hurt anyone. But I get that to stand in my strength lets me easily express how much I cherish those around me.
Sorry, I just have to take another moment with that right now. Whew…
Rounding back to the question about confidence, I mentally picked the quality of Faith, then stopped. Nope, didn’t feel right. I realized I needed to drop back into my heart and ask in Remembrance.
“So, what I get, actually, is Gentleness.” The Sufi practice is to use the Arabic word that describes that quality, in this case Ar-Ra’uf is The Gentle. The quality of Ra’uf broke open her heart and sweetened everything about the situation she was facing.
What I personally like about using the Arabic is that I don’t speak the language, so the word takes me out of the mental construct of “gentleness” that I have, and takes me into the sound of the word “Raahhh-oooof.” Feeling that in my heart, I get to notice, with far fewer filters, what my heart actually experiences.
At First, We Don’t Know What We Need
When I’m stuck or struggling, my first guess at what I need is rarely the right one. I often believe I need to push through a project, when what I actually need is rest.
My client thought she needed something strong to build her confidence up, when what her heart was really needing was gentleness. The gentleness did lead to a lot more confidence, which was a true, grounded, internal confidence, instead of the puffed-up, push-through, false confidence that can cause so many miss-steps.
Resonate? I don’t know if gentleness is what you’re needing for whatever you are facing in your business, but humor me and see how it lands in your heart.
Take a moment now to let yourself call for the Divine quality of Gentleness, Ra’uf, to fill your heart. What happens?
Or, alternatively, take a moment to ask what are you *really* needing?
Please come share. Let’s inspire each other with the truth.
With love and appreciation,
Mark
p.s. Are you pushing too hard to figure out how to say what you do?
It’s a big struggle, trying to figure out how to say what you do in a way that people really get it. However, my guess is that you’re trying to make it do too much, you’re trying too hard.
Why don’t you jump into How to Say What You Do In One Compelling Sentence? It’s a video course I created that you run at your own pace, as quickly or as slowly as you like. You’ll be amazed at how powerful, simple, and natural your One Compelling Sentence can sound.
Take a look, jump in: How to Say What You Do In One Compelling Sentence
31 Responses
Hi Mark,
Thank you for this inspiring article. I called in the Divine quality of Gentleness, and felt a softening and warm washes of love throughout me as my heart beat strongly and openly. I feel how in gentleness there is a deep letting go of judgments, especially the judgments we have placed on our self, these judgments that inhibit our own growth and stifle our self-confidence, as well as block our ability to receive. For how can we be open to receiving, when we are pushing or trying to force a false sense of confidence? What a beautiful gift and Remembrance you share here, to call upon Ra
Rebecca- I’m so glad you found it so inspiring- and had a real experience with Ra’uf. So beautiful!
Thank you for these words, Mark. Gentleness brings tears to my eyes, as I sit here with my website and the promise to launch today (as well as a confounding personal puzzle). I appreciate how you help me breathe into my business, to find my space where meaning and marketing dance together instead of in opposition. Most of all, I appreciate your warmth. Thanks for being you <3
Marie- we all need so much tenderness, especially around launches. Me, too!
Hey Mark – what comes to me is simply that a truly strong man is a gentle-man.
So often I find truth in words I mostly take for granted, truth that was under my nose all the time if I had but opened my eyes to see.
So, blessings from one Gentleman to another! 🙂
Leo- I love it, brother!
Nicely said, Leo.
Wonderful article, Mark. I love the aspect of love that is gentle, soothing, and nourishing. It’s inspiring to hear of someone who found true confidence under the persentation of it.
Deirdre- you are such shining example of someone who carries the quality of Ar-Ra’uf in the world. If anyone resonates with gentleness, I highly recommend Deirdre and her work.
I couldn’t agree more, Mark. I am learning how to give to myself as I have come to realize that it is the one thing that my business needs. I was attracting clients that can’t allow themselves to give my product to themselves. As I weave this practice deeper and deeper into my daily life I see it reflected back in my clients, baby step by baby step. I also live a higher quality of life moment by moment. This is so important to me.
Jasmine- so beautiful! Such a journey we’re all on, eh?
Jasmine, thank you for sharing this amazing observation. I have been attracting the same type of people lately. Wow. Thank you so much!
Like attracts like every single time!
Oh, yes, I recognize that, but I hadn’t identified the quality that was recently responsible for it.
In these moments, gentleness to me feels like not straining the structures in my life—honoring and celebrating organic growth. Reminding myself not to max out the current capabilities of my website and programs, by stuffing more in, but to give all that I do have ample space and time to breathe deeply. I don’t believe growth has to hurt, although sometimes mainstream tells me so, I believe it can be a joyful, gentle stretch in the sunshine. Thank you for the reminder to center into it!
Joy- no straining, indeed! Although I believe sometimes growth does have to hurt, it certainly does not *always* have to hurt, and certainly it can hurt a lot less and less often than we’re led to believe. Here’s to more joyful, gentle stretches!
This is a lovely post, Mark. It really resonated. It can be tempting to think of confidence in a big, blustering, just-get-on-with-it way. I’ve learn though that if a part of me is not feeling confident, then she needs gentleness and understanding. This leads to feeling safe and accepted and then you really can step out with the ‘true grounded internal confidence’, that you describe.
Thank you, Leda. Blustering just doesn’t work, eh? I love the process you describe with yourself. Exactly!
I always love reading your articles, Mark. There is always so much loving guidance you share with everyone.
I started my day as always in Meditation and at the very end of my meditation practice, I looked over to a painting that I need to complete and saw what would be wonderful to bring my painting to it’s exquisite beauty, and this I know for sure came from the love of the Divine. I had to be in my gentle space to receive this and to trust what I was seeing, and so your message of gentleness could not have come at a better time.
It definitely is true that gentleness brings us more in the love of the Divine guidance for our passion, and I thank you for the gentle reminder.
Patrice- So beautiful! What a great example and expression of exactly this.
Thank you Mark for this heartfelt moment of just stopping and noticing. I notice I’m often in the striving and busy mode, and need that ‘gentleness’ reminder, knowing that often it’s the slowing down or the resting which is so much more effective in my business, and my being. I truly adore you and all you share.
Thank you so much, Louise! It does my heart good to know that what so resonates with me lands with you, too.
Wonderful support, Mark. Big hug!
I fully agree with what Louise Crooks wrote. I just tuned into my heart and it said that it is OK to take some time for myself and that I need not worry about the lecture I’ve been asked to give. Just keeping it simple, modest and ‘my story’ is good (‘good enough’), that I have enough knowledge, experience and will be fine. Now if you’d asked my head that, you’d got a TOTALLY different story.
It makes me sad, thinking that I am one of millions of people who lost this simple, pure, authentic way of being. It has been getting so much better over the years, but your reminder shows more gentleness is needed. THANK YOU!
Monika- beautiful realization. It is sad, and also it inspires me that it can be so directly regained.
Dear Mark, Thank you so much. As always, I felt so much “seen” and understood when I read your post. It sounds like a summary of what I’ve experienced in the last 12 months. Being gentle to myself and giving myself time + love to “digest” – growing, overcoming greaf and developing my business slowly step-by-step has been one of the biggest challenges and rewards. Being gentle to myself, I can be a better coach for my clients. Warm wishes!
Jutta- I’m so glad you’ve been giving yourself that, and yes, it is a challenge. And what a reward! Thank you for your kind words.
There’s definately a lot to know about this topic.
I like all of the points you have made.
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