When I was at a retreat in the middle of studying for my Masters of Divinity, our teachers were taking us through a practice of discerning truth in our heart, and I couldn’t get anything. Nuthin’. Zero. Zilch. Empty-heart.
Thankfully I have enough awareness and experience to know why: I was deeply exhausted. It was the first day there, and I had left an intense week of parenting with little sleep.
My teacher gave me a green drink, and made me go take a nap. I drank, I slept. By the next day my discernment and connection were coming back.
I’m telling you this story because if you are going to discern the truth in your heart, especially for making business decisions, the first step is to get some rest.
Small business owners are notoriously bad at self-care, and often push through task lists and all kinds of projects. Bad practice, because you just can’t make good decisions when you’re depleted, and you can’t make any decisions at all when you’re so tired you’re just running on auto-pilot.
Okay, that’s the first step. Rest.
The second step in deepening your discernment of and wisdom in your decisions is to immerse your heart in love. If you have an important choice pressing down on you, put it aside. I know, I know. It’s okay. Put it aside.
If you take the time to immerse your heart in love, even for just 8-10 minutes, it will make a HUGE difference. (As an alternative with a stronger Sufi flavor, you could also try this. Before writing I sometimes spend several minutes chanting. Seriously. Just chanting the name of the Divine into my heart, over and over again.
Immediate difference.
The third step is about the question. If you are trying to discern truth and wisdom in a decision you need to make, you are probably asking some form of, “What should I do?”
Drop the “do.” Drop the “should.” Drop the “what.” The wisdom and truth of the answer you’ll get is directly related to the quality of the question. Forming the question takes some intention and presence.
The question I like to ask is, “Where does the Divine place me in relationship to X?” (Where X is the thing I’m wondering about.) Alternatively, “What would a Divinely-inspired healthy relationship with X look like?”
Action-oriented questions presuppose a certain type of answer, which may mean you miss out on all kinds of insights and truth. Instead, asking about your relationship with a project, client, or other thing can bring a lot of illumination.
Here’s an example: A few years ago someone wanted to be my client, but I wasn’t 100% sure it was a fit. I asked in my heart, “Where does the Divine place me in relationship with this person?” I could feel a lot of distance being placed between us. I asked several times over the course of several days, and the feeling was reinforced. Also I received insight as to where to refer them.
Another example: I asked about my relationship with a project I wanted to start up. All kinds of insight came in, again over several days. I saw the project close to my heart, yet the process deepened my surrender, and I was able to let go of my pictures of what it could/should be.
I needed help. It wasn’t for me to “figure it out.” Specific names and faces popped up to get support from. I saw that I needed to be proactive in reaching out to them, and set up some times to talk.
Big change. Before I asked I had thought I needed to figure it all out myself. No matter how many times I sat down, even after immersing my heart in love, I was struggling with it. After finally looking more deeply and following through on what I was shown I ended up getting the help I needed to move forward.
Rest. Immerse your heart in love. Ask about your relationship with something, not what you should “do.”
I’m really, really curious to hear from you about any aspect of this. In particular, how *you* like to immerse your heart in love, or how you struggle to?
And if you went through this process with any decisions you are currently facing, can you let us know how the process went?
If you’re willing, please come to the Heart of Business blog.
With love and appreciation,
Mark
p.s. Having more of the right people just click “buy”
Having time to make great decisions for your business means that your business needs to be efficient where it can be, just not at the expense of the heart. One of the greatest efficiencies is to make it as easy as possible to gain new clients and customers without taking up a lot of your personal time.
That can sound so heartless, but I’ve seen heart-centered people spend hours and hours and hours with folks that never actually become their clients.
Instead, implementing effective, powerful, heart-centered copywriting with integrity can be an incredible boost for you. Suddenly people are just clicking “buy” without needing a conversation. Or, if it’s the kind of thing that does need a conversation, they are already really informed and are leaning towards a strong “Yes” before they reach out to you. Then the conversation is 20 minutes instead of 90.
That’s why I’m leading the Heart-Centered Copywriting Intensive. With just ten spots open, and half of them gone already, this will be a very hands-on course, with a lot of personal care, attention, and feedback from me.
It starts July 17. Check it out. And yes, I’m happy to talk to you before you click buy if you have questions. 🙂
27 Responses
Hi Mark, Thank you for your insightful writing – I always enjoy reading your posts. I really connected with your experience of being totally exhausted and not being able to connect with your heart for the answers you were looking for. Except mine lasted a whole year or more. Nothing was working, and I was feeling depleted and depressed. (and neither of them came before the other) A lot was going on in my personal life, and I was totally exhausted. To the point where I even resented the clients I had. I couldn’t come up with ideas, and the ones I tried, bombed. My heart wasn’t in it. So I decided to give into what my body and soul were asking for and had been asking for for so long – rest. For 2 months I worked 1 or 1 1/2 days a week, and the rest of the time did things that rejuvenated me and connected me back to myself, my friends and my loved ones. I found I was able to become laser-focused in my business during the time I worked. And I was able to relax and enjoy my time outside of work with full permission. Very different to judging oneself if not doing something because of resistance. The result was a new me. I felt rested, relaxed, more like my old self, reconnected. And everything is in flow… business couldn’t be better, my relationship is great, and even though life still presents it’s challenges I am able to deal with them with an inner strength that had disappeared previously. More than ever now, I encourage my clients to make time for themselves outside of their business. The danger is that we love what we do so much (us soul-opreneurs) that we think it’s ok to immerse ourselves in doing it 24/7. And the truth is that we are made of many facets with our business being a big one but not the only one. It’s up to us to honor and hold all of them sacred, and give them the attention they deserve. 🙂 Namaste, Mark.
Louise- A year! How wonderful that you took that time… and I’m celebrating the flow you are experiencing now. WOo-hoo!
Thank you Mark! As I was told, we are human beings not human “doings” so to “ask what should I do?” as so so nicely put it, eliminate the “I do” first, and BE in the heart of it – all will settle and sit in a way that produces peace that your soul yearns for.
You are so welcome, Gillian.
Hello Mark,
I loved all of this, especially the question as I’m finally experiencing the freedom to surrender to Divine Love (and not, as many would say, Divine Will – which sounds confrontational to me in particular).
This surrender comes after many, many years of resisting the whole idea of surrender as it felt unsafe and actually dangerous (I think, for many reasons, this is especially true for women – something Naomi Wolf’s new book – “Vagina: A New Biography” – really backs up with new and very enlightening research and thoughtful awareness.)
I don’t understand where the shift happened (over the last few days), but now I’m feeling peaceful about surrendering to Divine Love and your posts has deepened that.
And this was the cherry on top: If you’re willing… Come share- let’s inspire each other with the truth!
You may just find that turning up in my request to my people, as it inspires me just to read it!!
Blessings,
Ariane
Ariane- so wonderful to read this. I love Naomi Wolf’s work and hadn’t seen that book, so thank you. And yes, let’s all inspire each other with the truth! So grateful for you.
Hi Mark, I think that I and guidance about specifics have agreed to part company.
I’m in the Christian rather than the sufi tradition but the discipline about being in a loving state fits quite easily within Christianity. There are also other versions of ‘discernment’.
When I have pursued these I have ended up with the ‘answer’: I love you Evan.
Which is good to know and important of course. But it isn’t a great deal of use in deciding which option to go with. So now I just go with what makes sense and have a quite experimental attitude – we’ll see what works and learn as we go.
Evan- Definitely a part of the process is walking the path and seeing how things turn out. Everything is a sign, including what you describe. And if you’re getting the support of “I love you” then hey, who can complain?
Hey Mark – I needed this *yesterday* not today! I’ve had my meltdown now! 😛
Thanks for another insightful post. I was going to email you a reply because I thought ‘I’m not putting this in a comment’ but then I read the part about sharing and the open, honest comments above so I will.
I had a really hard choice and big problem to deal with yesterday, part of an ongoing difficult work situation. I could not connect in – exhausted! – so I just kept running at it. It was extra hard because I knew I just didn’t want to honour the commitment to do the work we’d signed up to before when our situation was different, but I couldn’t find the right way to say it. The other person involved wanted to keep on pushing through despite how wrong it was feeling for me and I felt like I was having to shoulder far too much of the burden (which has also been an ongoing problem). In the end I had that meltdown I mentioned and just admitted: I can’t do this, I can’t fix this problem for us, I am not going give any more energy – wah!
It wasn’t very dignified at all. But, much as you needed rest, I most importantly needed to let it all out. My partner heard me then, and saw that I needed rest and support, not to be asked to keep pushing through difficulty. And half an hour later some guidance was then able to float to the surface, enabling me to suggest: instead of doing this work, let’s go there on a holiday, let each other rest and enjoy each other’s company.
So you can see, where it brought me was to put me in relationship with her – as friends and supporters of each other, instead of a stressful working situation. How nice if that was the question I asked first, instead of losing it the way I did?? 🙂
This is great guidance for going forward though, thanks!
Much love,
Kay x
Kay- Doh! I missed the deadline! So sorry… And, I’m grateful you got support anyway- that’s beautiful!
If a person is in a state of poor health it is impossible to nothing more than speculation,you are business owner unwell as many people think
Thank you Mark for a great and timely post. I’ve actually been sitting the idea that it would serve me to ask differently about a decision that I need to make, a strategy that I want to create. This approach resonates deeply … curious and excited to see what will emerge.
Blessings,
Cindy
Cindy- Fantastic- can’t wait to hear how it goes!
Hi Mark, what a wonderful blog post and sooo what I needed to read today. Just did the ‘Immerse Your Heart in Love’ exercise – perfect at the end of a long day and I really liked the part about us not being responsible for the outcome – what a relief! I do conscious breathing and meditation and find that helps to connect me with my inner wisdom – makes it easier to feel if something is right for me or not rather than leaping in and taking action (or reacting!). Great third step where you suggest making changes to the question you ask – I’m going to try this. Thank you again.
Leda- I’m so glad you immersed yourself. And can’t wait to hear how it turns out…
Thanks for your kind suggestion, Denise.
Hi Mark: This is so timely. 18 years ago I found myself in total burn-out and took a year of living in India, going back to school and what not to reconnect to my heart, my purpose and reinvented myself. I’ve resisted admitting that I’m back in that place of exhaustion, lack of passion and banging my head against the wall. My body has been screaming at me to stop and last week I decided to take a break. This time it’s not going to be a year, 2 months of just working current clients for 1-2 days a week and the rest is time for stillness and cleaning closets literally and figuratively. Giving myself permission has already lifted some of my depression and I now remember what it’s like to get out of my own way again. Ahh the freedom. When Life opens up like that it’s timely articles like yours that arrive to reinforce and encourage. Bless you! Ellen
Ellen- I’m so glad you can recognize what’s going on and take the time for yourself. And thanks for sharing your story, hopefully it will support others who need to to do the same. Here’s to a very nourishing two months for you!
Hi Mark,
I really enjoyed every bit of your words…brilliant thoughts!!
Taking rest and immersing our heart with love definitely helps in making sound decision and as you said this can be well applicable to business people.
After all I believe in the old saying, “Health is Wealth”. When you have the health you can make enough wealth.
Thank you, Mia.
I had an experience two months ago where I felt unsure of what to do in my business. I rested. I listened. My intuition said “Be still”. So I didn’t take any action on my business, just a couple of hours a week to keep it afloat. For 6 weeks my intuition said “Be still” and so I honored that, even though my head thought it was somewhat unwise!
I rested and nourished myself. And then one day the stillness had turned to stagnancy, so it felt like time to take action. Any action! And in quick succession I got two new clients and clarity on a new direction in my business. Nothing like a bit of retrospect to understand the wisdom of that direction of stillness.
Erin- another beautiful story of how it works. So grateful you share it!
Mark, I have followed your work for some time now and it never fails to shift something in me. Your continual grounding into the very center of yourself, your life, your business, your relationships, your love of the Divine – for none of these are separate things – brings such richness to us. I love your mistakes, your fears, your frustrations, which you share as freely as your profound insights, your sharp clarity, your confidence and mission – for none of these are separate things. 🙂
This particular post was a BIG shift for me. I am a student of Martha Beck’s and from her I have learned for the first time in my life how to make decisions from that body-based, intuitive, Feminine place of “allowing” rather than “forcing”. However, after a lifetime of being a strongly masculine-energy person who was really GOOD at the “forcing” approach, it’s an ongoing practice. 🙂 I do ask my body/intuition on most things these days, and I have certainly discovered that when I am exhausted, not eating right, or already deeply in fear about something, I can’t get an answer or the answer is confused or doesn’t “ring right”.
My big “AHA!!” was that I never thought about how I was phrasing the *question*.
“What should I do about X”, or using the yes/no approach by asking “I should/shouldn’t do this about that”, has been my standard approach, and I never even felt the tension and “forcing” in that very phraseology! As a lover of language since I was barely big enough to hold the book in both hands, I have such awe at the power of words. Learning how our thoughts shape our very experience of reality – and how the absence of thought (i.e. words) creates more space than I ever knew was possible – has transformed my life. Still, we engage with material life through words, and *your* words were a light shining on a blind spot of mine about *my* words and how they were shaping my own experience yet again.
I so appreciate you, Mark, and what you share with us here! Thank you in words, and gratitude in my heart, for this insight and the many more I know will come.
Karen- you are so welcome and thank you for the generosity in what you just shared. Questions, I’ve been taught, are the most important part of the puzzle of being human. I’m so glad it was helpful for you!
Wonderful! I am a professional Tarot reader and teacher, and I can tell you this post has so much relevance for my field of work also. As a reader, I ask questions on behalf of my client, using the Tarot. It makes such a difference when we work on what question(s) will be most helpful, and often it means shifting those “Should I?” “Will I?” type questions to something that is more action- and choice-oriented.
I love your suggestions and will be using them in future readings.
That’s awesome, Brigit- so glad it was so helpful!
A lot of thnka for sharing and published useful information ..