This article is by Heart of Business practitioner Jason Stein, L.Ac. He gets really tender and personal with his own money journey.
“Why do you always avoid me,” Benjamin said sadly.
“Because you’re always getting me in trouble, and quite honestly, I feel greedy when I’m around you!”
“Yeah – but just think what we could contribute to the world if we worked together,” Benjamin replied.
“I don’t trust you, or your family, Benjamin. I feel much safer avoiding you altogether.”
This was the conversation in my head between money and me right before I filed bankruptcy. Yep, I filed the Big B. I lost my home, all my money (“Benjamin,” Benjamin Franklin who is notable in U.S. history, is depicted on the U.S. $100 bill), and my pride.
Being a bankrupt single dad taking care of a year and half year-old and a five year-old four nights a week will definitely challenged my faith in the Divine. I remember the day my attorney said I was allowed no more than $400 in my checking account. What do you say to that other than, “Holy Crap?”
The Good News About Holy Crap Moments.
Crashing into the proverbial brick wall financially has a way of hitting the reset button on our relationship to money.
We are given the choice to do things differently; the chance to redefine our relationship with money.
Your Money Animal
I was what you’d call The Ostrich (you know, the large African flightless bird notorious for burying their heads in the sand). I always made more than I spent, and never looked at my finances. I remember going to the mailbox, getting bills and unsanctimoniously tossing them in the “ignore for now” pile. This strategy worked really well for me. Until it didn’t.
So, what money animals might you identify with besides the Ostrich?
The Bear. You want to make sure you have enough for the year, ensuring that you will be safe should you need to go into hibernation. You keep your financial records organized and up to date. However, you may focus so much on saving that you become overworked or even hang on to a job “for the money.”
The Lion. You love nice things, and enjoy influence and style. You may not be able to earn enough money to keep up with your lifestyle. You easily find yourself in competition with others and want to be King, or Queen, of the financial jungle.
Sometime the Lion can be confused with the Jaguar. You like to look good, and shopping for you is a form of therapy. Credit card companies love you because you are of the “buy now and figure out how to pay later” mindset, accrued interest and all.
Now there’s nothing wrong with whatever animal you are, and one isn’t better than another, but without identifying where you are and what your relationship is, you may just run smack into a financial wall like I did.
I want to let you in on how I embraced my inner Ostrich, got my head out of the sand, and allowed myself to use my strengths to became debt-free and have a healthy relationship with money.
- Stop whatever you’re doing and find a bookkeeper. When I first considered this, a good friend gave me pause, saying “You have to learn about money before you can hire someone else to help you!”Looking back, I’d call this the worst advice ever. I wasn’t going to unravel whatever was stopping me from cultivating a healthy relationship with money on my own. That’s like asking a five year-old to read a great book before they’ve learned their A,B,C’s. You have to start with getting help. Ask your friends, colleagues and family member who they would recommend, not just to sort out the bottom line and balance the numbers, but to help you explore the emotional entanglement you have with money as well.
- Remember that money isn’t connected to your self worth or value. You’re no better, or worse of a person dependent on the amount you have in the bank, or stashed under the mattress. Heart of Business taught me that money isn’t a measuring stick. A measurement carries a value that’s used to make a direct comparison. Your money can be used as a guide and reflection to help you determine whether your current course is serving you – on all levels.
- It’s never too late to create a healthier relationship with money. No matter how long you’ve resisted, restricted or indulged in money, now is the time to make money your friend. An ally, that can help you grow your business, and allow you to make a positive impact on the world.
I promise you, if you get help, remember that money isn’t your self-worth, and that you can start now, you will be able to see a radical difference in your finances.
So, now I’m curious. What animal are you, financially-speaking? What’s your relationship with money like?
p.s. If you are ready to cultivate a healthy relationship with money, and ready to grow your business, then I invite you to take advantage of the free consult with me, or with my colleague Yollana, offered through our Organic Business Development Program. Whether you are an Ostrich, Bear, Lion, or Jaguar my hope is that you can get the support you need before, and not after, the crash occurs.
Click here to see more details, and schedule a conversation.
21 Responses
Hi Jason, great blog. I have 2 questions.
1) If money isn’t connected to self worth or value then what is it connected to?
2) How do you create a healthy relationship with money?
My Animal: Because my income has drooped massively, when I have to spend money I cringe at the idea of parting with money . I am not sure where more money is going to come from to pay for the basics such as food and mortgage. What animal will this correspond to?
Kind Regards 🙂
Ravi
Hi Ravi,
Great questions:
1. I work 2X per month with my bookkeeper on both the black and white numbers and the emotional sides of money
2. A healthy relationship with money always start with being honest and taking a real look at where you are and where you want to be.
You may be a hybrid between a bear and an ostrich. You cringe at spending while not knowing how more money will be coming in.
Dear Jason
Thank you for your open honesty in this article. It ‘reduced’ me to tears (what a prejudiced concept that is!) and opened another doorway to healing. There is no doubt our personal and collective relationships with money are deep-seated and ‘rich’ with potential for change.
I am embarrassed to say that I fear my animal would have to be a parasite of some kind: not believing I could earn enough myself to survive on my own. Or that if I did, my ‘host’ would feel bereft and useless.
Ugh! Time to heal
Emma,
I really appreciate your words. Everyone has had money stuff, so, kudos to you for engaging and healing yours.
Thanks for your honesty. I declared bankruptcy 2 years ago, and I left shame about it behind. It is what it is. I felt relieved, and never got another credit card
I think I am a fantasy animal when it comes to money. In some ways I have always expected it to come to me magically. It is only the last few months that I am understanding that I have to take particular actions, that are logical, to make money. I think having this understanding will make for a more successful business!
I have also had to get over massive fear about money (hence the fantasy animal) and can only now look at it without great pain and fear clouding my thinking.
Sorting out the emotional baggage is key, and I congratulate you on doing that, and on having the courage to share that with the rest of us.
Iris,
Thank you for your words. The truth is my own money challenges made me stronger than I thought possible and have allowed me to grow financially year after year.
What I know for sure is together is better and know one benefits from trying to heal money issues alone.
Jason, thanks so much for sharing your conversation with “Benjamin”! I so appreciate your openness. I’m more Ostrich than any of your other animals, and there’s an additional sense of not-deserving that sabotages my decisions. There’s so much pain around money, and it’s almost never what it appears on the surface to be. The key, at least for me, I think, is taking “deserving” completely out of the question – as you describe, money not being about self-worth.
Marki,
Years ago that I had a client that was a multi-millionaire. Working with her I realized that self worth is something that is human and has nothing to do with the numbers in ones bank account. With that said, I’ve found making money can be fun and having more can create more freedom.
Thanks for this great article.
Thank you Ruth.
Together is Better.
Jason
Great and interesting article.
Thanks.
Thanks Michael.
Hi, Jason – reading this a little late, and at *just the right time* ~
I’m definitely inclined to Ostrich, with a hefty dose of “I’m not worth what I need to survive” thrown in, and several layers of “I don’t know how to…” .
How might you suggest I start to root out that “I don’t deserve it” stuff?
Hi Karen,
I’m guessing we’ve all been an Ostrich one time or another in life.
The best first step is to start with remembrance or another practice of being able to be seen and witnessed for your innate value that doesn’t ebb and flow with material goods, but is solid through and through.
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