This year, for their sixth birthday, our twins are going to each have their own birthday party, instead of a combined party as has happened up until now. The two of them, Sam and David, are as different from each other as you can imagine, in personality, in what they like and don’t like, in how they relate to others. They want different kinds of parties.
And they each asked for the kind of party they wanted. For the first ten seconds I was resistant to the idea- it’s so much easier to just have one party. Yet a moment’s reflection reminded me that if they weren’t twins they would have separate birth days and thus each have their own party anyway.
So two parties it is.
What’s remarkable to me is how clearly each asked for what each wanted. How well they knew what they wanted, almost without any hesitation at all.
So many people have lost the ability to know what they want. And one of the things that people really, really want, even when it’s hard to articulate or ask for, is help.
I love the video that our practitioner Jason Stein made about asking for help. It’s just two minutes, and yet I think it will strike home for many people.
Take a glance:
In the last fifteen seconds, Jason gave you a challenge. Are you willing to take it on? What comes up for you around taking on that challenge?
Tell Jason, below in the comments.
Asking for help allows others to offer a gift of contribution.
Are you receiving? (click to tweet)
Individual coaching is sometimes perfect, and sometimes it’s not. We’ve got an alternative, but we’re still working on the details. We’ll probably only have a double handful of spots for what we’re thinking of, so keep your eyes peeled if you’re looking for hands-on help that’s more affordable than one-on-one work.
With love and appreciation,
Mark
13 Responses
Mark, thats a lovely idea about having two parties, my sons have their birthday a week apart (geminis too, the twins), and I used to have one party too, until it was really important to give them what they needed individually.
Jason, Im actually the opposite to what you said, I wasn’t allowed to ask for help as a child, in fact if I asked for help I was punished for not learning to do it by myself. My sons (adults) still ask for help. I ask for help, but I had to learn to do it. The issue is, like your wife, where is the point at where I feel I can ask for help, when Im maxed out, or sick, or right at the beginning. Mark has helped me how to ask for help, and to know I dont have to be in pain to ask. Im always asking questions now 🙂
Great point Kate. I think many of stop asking because we were told all sorts of things about asking. Grateful you are fiding ways to ask that aren’t painful.
This is good, Jason. I’ve recently started asking for help, telling what I’d like to have for lunch (I always ate whatever was available at home!) – it’s been very relaxing. Instead of letting stress working up when you just throw it out in the world – it just flies away and gives you the strength to handle it better (a little later), disappears permanently, or hands you a solution through someone.
Thank you for this.
Prabu. Great for you to ask and get what your body is yearning for rather than what’s always just left over.
Mark, I always love hearing about your sons and often am left so curious about the rest of the stories – like what happened that they adapted so beautifully to kindergarden? And – so what DID they ask for that was so different for their parties. Anyway those stories greatly illustrate your point.
Jason, I have loved any video you have done so far. I loved seeing your family AND it really reminded me how easy it was to ask for things as a kid. Seeing your kids ask for things certainly encourages me to reclaim my ability to ask for things without apology. And I LOVE the reminder that people cant contribute (one of our biggest needs) if we don’t give them a chance to.
(And I don’t believe your wife would really say “No I dont really need any help.” to your offer to help, in real life. She seems too relaxed and happy to say no to help. : )) Any way thank you for this reminder. I appreciate it and will be asking for help each day as you challenged us to do.
~Tory Blue
Tory,
First, I was grinning ear to ear here:
“Seeing your kids ask for things certainly encourages me to reclaim my ability to ask for things without apology.”
Yeah.
Second, believe or not my wife would openly admit that she often says she doesn’t need any help. A dynamic that’s helpful for both her and me to know.
Mark,
I used to work at a Fortune 50 company that took me to task for asking for help. They said it showed a lack of initiative. I was given an article that had been passed around the company for years that described how the U.S. military frowned upon asked for help because it was an evasion of taking responsibility.
The company was a hellhole but the health insurance was good.
-d
Well Said Diana. I’m guessing any place that frowns on asking would get a bit hellish since it would be an everyone for themselves community.
Hi Jason, thanks for this great video! It’s lovely to see your family and the funny ‘mockup’ scenario at the end!
You bring up a really overlooked skill and one that I am in need of practising!
And I have one little triumph to share already ….
I had been wondering if my blog posts were actually of any help to my readers & I really wanted to know how to help them more – so I asked them.
Sounds really simple but it was a big deal for me
I sent a heartfelt message to my list asking if they would send me a quick reply with their biggest challenge and what they would really value receiving from me …
And I was deeply touched by the responses that came back – giving me LOTS of juicy ideas for content that I would love to write about! Win:Win!
(And it felt to me like receiving a hug of appreciation from those people – those ‘faceless’ people I send emails to and never know whether what I’ve written is useful or not)
Thankyou for your challenge and the idea that we are ‘giving’ people a chance to contribute when we ask for help … I’ll definitely be doing more of that!
Ann 🙂
Love it Amy. So true that sometimes the simplest requests are the biggest deals in business. Grateful you are finding a way to make the asks and let yourself be a leader within your tribe.
Ya got me.
Number one Human need is to contribute…hunh.
Just had a long meeting tonight with one of my yoga teachers who is coming on board to help more…with very little compensation for the moment. But..ah…that is why she wants to give.
Thanks!
Great video Jason. Such a beautiful re-frame: “Not asking for help blocks others from making a contribution.”–love it.
Mark, the boys were just two years old when I took Momentum with you. How time flies. They are very lucky to have you as their Dad. Enjoy the parties.
Now this question/challenge given by Mark made a good pondering in my mind. I’m still thinking what’s the best approach. Will I give in? or not? So confusing. (laughs)