When You Start To Hate What You Loved

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Topic: When You Start to Hate What You Love

Probably one of the most painful dynamics I’ve seen in folks who are self-employed is when they start to hate what they love. In a private Facebook group I’m in the topic came up about whether you need to change up what you do when that happens, that something deeper or more is making itself known.

For me, the most painful thing is to see someone get to a place of hating (or at least seriously disliking) what they do, changing everything and feeling reinspired… and then a year, or six months, later they find themselves dispirited again.

I find our culture exacerbates and misdirects the heart’s yearning to return home, by distracting us with the relentless drum of “New! Next! Now!”

We get so impatient with the natural process of unfolding. A friend and mentor of mine from the activist world, Lani Ka’ahumanu, once said to a group of us, “We won’t be done next year, or next decade. We’re in this for the long haul, so take care of yourself, don’t push so hard every minute.”

After working with thousands of clients over the last 13 years, I’ve noticed that what’s true for me is true very generally: when I start to hate what I have always loved, it’s usually because I’m just depleted.

Worn out. Done in.

When you have your own business, especially in the early years before it becomes sustainable, you work hard, usually bouncing between working kinda hard and way too hard.

Of *course* you would, at times, come to hate what you love.

Taking time to myself, turning completely away from the business to nourish myself, is sometimes the most productive thing I can possibly do. An afternoon of “goofing off” even when there’s a lot on my plate, clears my heart and mind.

Then I love what I do again, and I breeze through it without effort.

It can be scary to take that time, because the depletion can be so strong that you might think you’ll need months or years to recover. The vast majority of the time an hour, an afternoon, or a day or two is plenty to return you to a sense of vitality.

Plus, I have learned to discern more carefully what’s going on. For me, the feeling of depletion and the feeling of “something is changing” are two distinct feelings in my heart and being. Think back to a time when something changed in your life and notice what that felt like. Is that what you’re feeling? Or are you just feeling tired and stuck under the pressure of “I should do it”?

So here’s the quick recap: If you have come to hate what you love, first take stock of how depleted you are. Then rest.

Once you’re rested, check out what’s true for you in your heart. Never make a big change from a state of depletion if you can possible help it.

Your thoughts? How do you discern the difference between depletion and “something is changing”?

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