What Words to Use to Ask Others to Promote You

To all followers of Judaism: L’shana tovah! For you, and for all of us, may this be a sweet new year.

As you’re reading this, I’m in Edmonton, Alberta teaching with my friend and colleague Tad Hargrave. Then I’m off to Victoria, B.C. for the Bellyfit Summit and an event for Living the New Economy. (You can join me live streaming for that last one.)

It’s been years since I’ve been out and about this much. My commitment these past five years has been “parent first,” and I couldn’t be happier with that decision. Now that the boys are in kindergarten, I’m starting to step out more and accept invitations that have come my way.

Receiving invitations is a natural outgrowth of expanding your reach. A client of ours expanded her reach, in an authentic way, not pushy, not steroid-driven, and received an invitation to speak at a top conference in her industry.

We humans are wired to connect. Even those who are more introverted, as I’ve been reading in Susan Cain’s amazing book Quiet, still need some social connection. Expanding your reach doesn’t have to mean you speak in front of crowds. It can simply mean being invited to put your message in front of others, perhaps by email or social media or teleconference call.

It’s a critical part of a business that wants to reach momentum: finding new relationships to nurture and deepen, so that you can do the good work you’re here to do.

This week we’re nearing the end of September, and our next Expand Your Reach group starts the beginning of October. Jump in now, and you’ll be preparing well for 2015 to be a much more expanded year. Click here to read about it and register.

Oh, and by the way, I just added a fantastic new piece to the program on how to use social media in your business. It’s an interview with the former director of social media for the Wisdom 2.0 conference and the co-founder of Wisdompreneurs, a business with a Facebook group that went from zilch to nearly 3000 active members in 18 months.

If the program speaks to you, I hope you join us.

Reminder: If you’re not sure what your business needs to grow, you can always fill out our Readiness Assessment.

Now, I’d like to give you some real-life examples and teachings of how to expand your reach. And if you’re in Edmonton or Victoria, I hope we cross paths!

Article: What words to use to ask others to promote you

On a weekly, sometimes daily, basis we receive requests from folks who want to guest blog for us, or want us to otherwise mention what they do to you all. We do publish guest blogs from time to time, but for most of these folks we say, “No thanks.”

I wrote about this in-depth and yet I find I have more to say, and some examples.

Specifically, how do you actually word the request? Let me give you some examples of what *not* to do, then I’ll explain what’s wrong and how to fix it.

What Not to Do

Three approaches come to mind that, in general, will not work. These get used, I’m guessing, simply because the people involved are not thinking through how it might land with the other person.

First, the form letter, which tends to read like, “Dear Mr. Silver, I am a professional blogger and I have a number of articles that I think will be of interest to your audience…”

The trouble here is that it is totally generic. There’s not even an attempt made to explain how he knows me, why I might be interested, or really anything. It’s just a form letter.

These get the delete button.

A second approach is more open-hearted, but it still doesn’t feel good. It often comes out of real passion and enthusiasm: “Mark! You are going to think this is the most amazing thing! Your audience will love it!”

Although the exclamation points are a mis-match for my personality, I like peppy people just fine. The real issue here is that this person is telling me what to think. Usually my response is, “Oh really? I’ll be the judge of that.” I try hard to be open-hearted and compassionate, and yet I can’t help the involuntary negative response at first.

Don’t tell others what their opinion should be.

Then there’s a third approach, where it’s not quite a form letter, but it sorta feels like one because of the formality of the language. This seems right and proper in a way, because if someone doesn’t know me, he or she is right not to assume familiarity that doesn’t exist. Yet it also shows me that the person hasn’t taken the time to get to know me at all and leads me to think that whatever the proposal is, it’s not really matched to who we are.

Not a great first impression.

What’s Really Going On in These 3 Examples

Honestly, mostly it’s just a lack of presence in the writing.  That lack of presence is caused either by too little care or too much care.

Too little care is unconscious. It’s thinking that 100 form email is going to be more effective than taking the time to develop 5 real relationships. It’s easier, sure, to send out those form emails, but you’re not going to see a fraction of the results that you would by just making friends with people.

Too much care is just painful. Too much care is when you worry too much about how you’ll be perceived, and so become -careful- in your writing. That carefulness translates into an awkwardness and distance. It reminds me of times that I’ve been at a party and just felt awkward, self-conscious. The words I said felt disconnected, and conversation didn’t go anywhere.

Same thing in email. You do not have to turn yourself into an extrovert, but you do need to stop, drop into your heart, and say what’s really true for you, in words that you would say to someone you like and trust.

You know what words to use, if…

If you take the time to get to know someone, at least a little bit, then you know them well enough to know how to speak to them. In an interview with Paul Zelizer, co-founder of Wisdompreneurs, he described how he made a real connection through social media with Tony Hsieh of Zappos.com, and ended up going to meet Tony.

People can feel the intention and presence behind your words, spoken or written. If you take the time to get to know a bit about someone and express some caring, then the connection is real. You don’t have to be best friends with the person, you can still have a significant connection with someone through real caring.

Then, when it’s time to ask for help, you can do so from an authentic relationship.

People can feel intention & presence behind your words. Take time to express some caring. (click to tweet).

Some examples:

Pace Smith is a friend and former client. When she asked me to help promote her Warm & Business-like manifesto, it was a priority for us, because of the relationship.

Then, a more distant relationship. Kenden Alfond wrote to me about her Jewish Food Hero project. In the email she reminded me of the last time she and I had emailed, on a different topic. She also mentioned being a client of Corrina Gordon-Barnes, who is one of our former clients- and she mentioned working with Heart of Business teachings a lot.

Who wouldn’t already feel receptive, hearing these things? 🙂

Although her topic is a stretch, Jewish Food Hero is about having healthy and delicious food for the Jewish holidays, it’s not a huge stretch.

She did ask us to mention it earlier this month, since today is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year, and we missed her deadline. But her business is not a one-time thing, and she has a beautiful calendar available now, and the first Jewish Food Hero menu will be ready for Chanukah this year. 🙂

So here we are, meeting her request. I think Kenden is up to good things: Jewish Food Hero.

Here’s my request to you: Identify two people who could help promote you. One person you hardly know, if at all. What can you do this week to get to know them better before reaching out? The second person you know somewhat, or better. How can you phrase a request that really comes from your heart?

And if you’re wanting to be hand-held, in a beautiful, profound way, through making this part of your business systems and heart, join us for the October group of Foundations2: Expand Your Reach.

Meanwhile, I really want to hear your insights, challenges, anything that is up for you around this.