This past Friday I was leading a 24-hour Virtual Retreat for our Community, as I do every two months, and one of the retreatants was nearly in tears of rage and sadness asking for feedback asking about, from a spiritual perspective, the trend to charge high prices and make premium offers.
“I heard a business coach not from Heart of Business say that if a client doesn’t pay you money, they won’t get the benefit of your work, or ever really change.”
Really? This belief is *still* floating around out there? My heart hurt hearing this.
Let me be as clear with you as I was with her: That is absolutely, 100% NOT true. While it is true that your client / patient / student needs to be committed, money is only one way of showing a commitment.
You do not have to charge someone inflated, painfully high prices, more than your heart can bear, in order for them to benefit from your help. You can give your help away for free and as long as your client is sincere and showing up, they will benefit.
Period.
But this doesn’t mean you impoverish yourself.
A fellow Sufi once asked our sheikh how much he should charge for healing. Our sheikh answered, in that cute, grandfatherly tone of his, “Get what you can get!”
There are those in this world who have money. If you give your work away even to the people who have money, that is doing yourself an injustice. It’s okay to earn a living, a good living. It’s okay to ask for and accept money, yes, even a lot of money, for honest work.
It’s okay to charge premium prices, even prices that you, yourself, may not be able to afford. The freedom to be found is that the effect of your work on the client and the money you receive are not essentially related.
From a heart perspective, you give from the gifts you’ve been given, and you receive from what others have been given themselves. There is a surrender, a humility in this.
Sometimes we’re asked to give without receiving anything in return. You know when that happens, and there is a great joy in that kind of giving.
Other times we are asked to receive, and that takes a different kind of humility and willingness to be open, overcome our own prejudices and expectations, and find a willingness to be vulnerable. Curiously, this is the same vulnerability we ask of our clients when we want them to receive from us. Turnabout is fair play.
The beauty of it all is that if you can find the humility to charge your right price, as we teach in our Foundations1: Clients and Money program, some people will pay you quite well. Then, when those times come when you are being asked to give, you can give with an open heart and without scraping the bottom of your financial barrel- you can give from the fullness of generosity, knowing you are already being cared for.
Don’t buy into the popular lie that transformation requires a financial entrance fee. At the same time, resist the urge to believe the opposite, that you need to give yourself away for free all the time. As in most of life, the truth is found somewhere in the open-hearted middle.
What’s your experience with charging premium prices or with giving away free work? Share in the comments below.
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22 Responses
I really appreciated this article today. There is absolutely this belief floating around out here. I am actually seeing a growing trend to charge higher and higher prices for services. As a matter of fact, a mentor I’ve worked with for the past year and a half has suddenly significantly raised her rates for the SAME service I was originally receiving, as a result of a coaching program she was part of. (I was originally paying $800 per month; she is now charging $1100). That was a big turn-off to me, and forced me into a lower tier of her program. There is something that doesn’t sit right about all of this, so I appreciate you validating that it also doesn’t sit right with others. About 10 years ago, I was in therapy for 2 years at a very minimal rate per session, sometimes even doing barter exchange. This did not detract from my experience of healing one bit. It was all I could afford at the time, truly, and provided me with deeply needed support through a painful time. But then, suddenly, this same therapist, raised her rates and her sliding fee scale and required that I pay her triple the amount I was paying per session – with less than 2 weeks notice. (I was seeing her weekly at the time) I tried to express my feelings about this and how, in principle, it didn’t feel right, especially the way she had communicated it to me. Her response was what felt like a “form letter,” giving me the option of seeking counselling at Catholic Charities if that’s all I could afford. It turned into a shaming, abandoning experience for me and left me with a wound and a damaged relationship with a therapist I had previously trusted. I’m glad to hear you advocating a more heart-centered expression of humility with all of this, Mark. That is truly in alignment with my beliefs and it’s the path I want to take, not the one of exorbitancy just for the sake of creating artificial value, both for myself and the client.
For Julie: Ugh. Replying from the therapist perspective, I just want to share that your experience sits very heavy and uncomfortable for me. As therapists we can be engaged in such profound and intimate ways with our clients that such an abrupt change paired with a lack of compassion and attending to the relationship and the process is just, well, terrible. I’m sorry that happened to you. And thank you, because sometimes I feel badly about charging too little sometimes, so your story is a nice reminder about what it means to someone. When it resonates with the heart, this brings integrity. And, someones someone paying a lower fee is actually paying a lot more than someone paying a higher fee — that’s important to consider too.
Annabelle – that’s what was so hurtful and damaging about my first experience, was the lack of compassion and sudden detachment from me and my feelings even. So unnecessary. I tried to communicate that to her, but she did not hear me. And yes, genuinely offering assistance to a client can be so impactful in a positive way.
Julie- so painful! I don’t have an issue with someone raising their price- there are lots of people around to charge different prices- but to do it so suddenly and so rigidly… that’s where the pain is. Of course trust would be broken. And I’m guessing there wasn’t a real need to do it that harshly. Sigh…
Hi Mark, nor do I have an issue with that. But yes, how it’s done and for what reason matters tremendously. And it’s a good learning for me because I know I will be in her position one day and I will remember my experience and be very careful with how I communicate such a change.
Hi, Mark. Thank you, as always, for your profound understanding and ability to articulate that understanding! Your comment struck me: “This belief is *still* floating around out there? My heart hurt hearing this.” I have been uncomfortable with exorbitant fees that some people charge, just because they can. And the seeming push for more and more money and the push to get bigger and bigger. And I had an experience where my client gave me all the cash she had: $1.67 – and it was one of the most powerful Reiki treatments I had ever given. On the other hand, I have a tendency to give it all away. I still haven’t figured out why it is easier to give it away for free; it often makes me happier than when I get paid. More important, it is hard to figure out when someone really can *not* afford my prices – and when I am being exploited. So I have an amount stated on my website. If someone really can’t afford that, we talk. I check inside as to the amount I am willing to accept, and hope it is right. Honestly, though, there are times (one, recently) when I feel that the person decides not to receive Reiki from me because the price is still outside their capabilities. I worry about what they think of me. And I worry that I am becoming insensitive. So this issue is far from resolved. It is sticky and feels yucky – still! Despite a lot of work on it.
Julie, I am sorry for your experiences. One time in particular I know I did something with a client that I totally regretted afterward – trying to follow a mentor’s way of doing things. Boy! Did that backfire! It wasn’t in relationship to money, but in relationship to people canceling at the last minute or just not showing up. I was always too easy about it – and then got too harsh and rigid. Pendulum swinging the other way. And one of my clients got caught in that pendulum swing. Really yucky! How can we learn and grow and change – without hurting our clients (or family and friends)? Not always easy or clear. Julie, I hope your own heart heals from these situations!
Siddheshwari! So sweet to read your words and how you are in active relationship with this. It’s one the pains of our dysfunctional culture, and there is no perfect answer except to stay awake and alive to it all.
And yes… I want to give us all permission to be messy. When we first practice something, of course it’s not going to work smoothly, and unfortunately people can get caught in it. One of the best things I like to do is be upfront when I’m experimenting with something, and let people know that what I was doing before wasn’t working, so here’s an experiment doing it differently. There can be so much compassion from folks when you are open like that.
I have found my heart’s work, and am growing my practice. This article and comments are so apt for where I am. My work is equine bodywork, so I touch/heal horses but my clients are people. The best way I’ve found to gain a client is to offer a free session. Right now, I’m charging introductory rates that are rock bottom, and it’s time to raise them. I’ve been on a journey of growing self confidence in what I’m doing (the horses do improve!) and have been thinking about my next steps. My work involves travel to the horses (up to an hour), then 90 min to 2 hrs of bodywork, drive home, and often emailing notes from the session later. For this I’ve been asking $75 per session, and discounting a series of 5. I live/work in the Seattle area and know the market will bear a higher rate. And I love being with the horses so much, I forget about the money. I’ve given away lots of sessions, and also work at a rescue. But there is a mortgage to pay, and so it’s time to raise my rates. Good reminder to call it an experiment!
Barbara- such wonderful work! And yes, I’m glad you are going to be raising your rates! Why not receive what is there to receive so you can keep doing such wonderful work?
Appreciating this article and everyone’s comments !
What I’m resonating most with right now is how there is no One Right Way of determining price. It truly is a matter of the heart. Individual.
While I have a fee structure, it totally makes sense to me to consider ALL of the considerations and not get stuck into thinking ‘I have to stay glued to one idea of fee structure.’
Funny thing is, when I allow the freedom to ‘not be glued to one idea,’ it is much easier for me to commit and follow through, knowing and trusting that I will make exceptions to my own rules when needed, and that it’s better to do that when the exceptions arise rather than spend way too much time developing the Perfect System.
Thanks Mark & everyone who commented!
Yes! Amy! Exactly… free range pricing. 🙂
One of my greatest periods of transformation came from from services offered to me free. The practitioner devoted 3-4 hours/ week to support me in healing from significant trauma. My husband was in law school at the time, I was at home with our three children and there was no way we could afford the desperately needed services. She saw how committed I was to my own healing and was thrilled to have a client that engaged. She indicated that that was payment enough for her. I am so grateful for her willingness to give.
Eve- I love stories like this to illustrate this point. I once worked with someone for months at no cost to her- it was just the right thing to do. And my wife and I have received so much support over the years… it’s the cycle of giving and receiving. So beautiful!
My experiences with this issue have been all over the board. On the one hand, I’ve experienced people who did not respect me or my work simply because I did not charge more, or who held someone else in higher esteem just because their fee was substantially higher (even when I knew for a fact my work was more effective). I’ve also had clients who did not take the work we were doing very seriously because they were not paying very much for it. And I’ve had a few who negotiated a reduced fee with me, who I subsequently realized could easily have paid more, which did not feel good to me at all.
On the other hand, in sharp contrast, I’ve worked with some lovely people who genuinely could not afford to pay my full fee, who took our work very seriously, and who did wonderful work, that left me feeling wonderful, too. I always felt, though, that I wanted a monetary contribution of some kind. But then some years ago, my husband was approached by a woman who very much wanted to study with him. She had gone through a financial disaster and had no way of paying him. My husband felt strongly to say yes to her. She ended up training with him/us for several years, on a pay-what-you-can basis, with the understanding that often that might be nothing, which was fine. She has gone on to be very successful, is still working with us (she pays us now), is one of our staunchest supporters, and has ended up bringing a bunch of business our way. And she has also become a friend. So that is just about the opposite extreme!
All of which is to say, I really don’t feel like I have this figured out. But I absolutely loved your post, Mark. I think in make making money a hard-and-fast “indicator” of something not-money (i.e. “commitment,” “what you’re worth,” “willingness to change,” etc.) we miss the hearts of the two people involved, as Julie so poignantly described above.
Lia- exactly! No hard and fast rules- we just need to really look at each situation for what it is.
Mark, your coaching always opens a space in my heart–something I really needed tonight after a day spent fighting fracking. So thank you.
And for Julie, as a former practicing psychologist, I too shudder at what your therapist did, and hope that the wound she left you with is fully healed now.
Michelle! Fight the good fight! So glad to be able to be a support to you in your anti-fracking work.
Thank you, Mark, and the others here, for the opening created by this thread. My heart goes out to you, Julie. We all have had similar experiences, in some way, but not always from one to whom you’ve made yourself open and more vulnerable.
Transformation is LIFE. It IS, wherever we open and however we open for the next gifts from Life. Such thoughts about how it is related with money are normal in this odd culture, yet I think rather strange “mentors” connect the ideas directly.
Mark, Thank you for asking such questions… I feel like my long life in business as a creative entrepreneur has been often about this healing.
How we give /sell our gifts and how these relate to our money issues simple calls for much inner work… wonderful that you’re serving us in this way.
I question whether trends about high end pricing are a function of the times… do you think there’s just less cash flowing in the middle class, so discretionary income in just so concentrate in the hands of the wealthier, so this is who folks are finding easier to sell to and serve? Curious how you see that… is it a misconception that there are limits?
Zola- I’m not sure- I think we see trends like this in small pockets of the “internet marketing world” – trends that actually have been here for years, but cycle through more visibly as new people come into the market/community. I started in this work 15 years ago, and there were people charging an arm and a leg then. I think some people, through psychological manipulation, try to charge whatever the market will bear… and when there is aspirational messages involved, what the market will bear can be quite high indeed.
This insight keeps resounding in my mind: “It’s okay to charge premium prices, even prices that you, yourself, may not be able to afford. The freedom to be found is that the effect of your work on the client and the money you receive are not essentially related.”
I didn’t realize that in the back of my mind I have had the thought “I can’t ever charge XX because I can’t pay that much!” Wow. What a limiting thought. It’s so helpful to see this thought process spelled out. Being able to see it is a relief. Now I have choice to let go!
Amy- woo-hoo!
info and very interesting article , just hope useful shop . thank you.