While on the spiritual path, or working within personal development circles, I have felt a great deal of distance between the depth of spiritual teaching, and the pain of dysfunctional organizational dynamics.
We’ve seen this where large religious institutions have failed to protect their most vulnerable members. Many of us have also seen in it in the nooks and crannies of spiritual life, within much smaller, esoteric communities and organizations.
I want to share some empathy, because it’s so painful. When your heart touches deep places of love and tenderness and transformation, when you willingly bow your head to give all, and then you hit something that shows you that perhaps your trust was misplaced, it can be devastating.
And for many people, that’s a deep understatement. Painful, even abusive, experiences rise up and scythe us down, leaving us defeated, confidence and trust shattered.
The deepest problems are beyond the scope of an article. I just want to offer the safest, most careful hug around our tender hearts, and pour into us the strength and beauty of the Divine.
That said, I do want to explore this topic with you.
It’s been said that “all the answers are inside you” and if we extrapolate that out, then enlightened beings surely know how to do everything, right?
Clearly it’s an absurd statement, when we look at mechanical processes, like surgery, or engineering. Would I drive my family in a car over a bridge built entirely to the specifications of an enlightened spiritual being who had no training in engineering… uh, no, I wouldn’t. I’m kinda guessing you wouldn’t, either.
Worldly knowledge has value, the same way that our bodies have value. The spiritual journey is not about trying to escape this world.
Here’s the main issue: spiritual leadership can be conflated with organizational leadership with disastrous consequences. When someone who has some beauty as a spiritual teacher is then given, or takes, organizational authority over people, chaos and insanity can result.
Running an organizational is a skill. Leadership, in a general sense, can sometimes be a gift, but it can also be a distortion of charismatic personality. And effective organizational leadership, including fiscal responsibility, and how to care for people, and projects, and deadlines, is something that takes some learning.
Setting aside sexual misconduct by spiritual teachers, which is a huge topic I don’t feel qualified to speak on, the most common kind of misconduct I’ve seen is when a spiritual teacher who is also an organizational leader, takes their vision and then does one or more of these three things:
1) Sets unrealistic deadlines.
2) Demands or otherwise expects unrealistic commitments in terms of hours worked and effort put in.
3) Changes the vision and goals regularly, making it impossible for the organization to get any momentum, and for individuals to arrive anywhere.
Then, when someone speaks up about the dynamics they are seeing, there is a quick shift from organizational leader to spiritual leader. Suddenly the problems the organization is facing become personal problems of the person speaking up because “they aren’t committed enough” or “aren’t a sincere student” or “have healing they need to work through.”
Ideally, an organization would have two separate roles, and that whomever is the spiritual leader or teacher of a community or organization would not also be the organizational leader.
In situations where they are the same, the spiritual leader must find a tremendous amount of humility. Whenever there is something that comes up within the organization, the leader must recognize that it is not the moment for spiritual teaching, at least not yet. First, as an organizational leader, they must listen to the complaint, and address what came up within the context of the organization. Especially if the 3 issues named above have never been named AND addressed, then the leader should assume that one of those dynamics is at play and look first to themselves before looking to the team member/student.
There are stories in my Sufi lineage of spiritual leaders in tears, in tears, afraid that they will abuse their power in some way. There is one story of a woman who stood up to accuse the spiritual leader of making a mistake, and the leader weeping in gratitude that she would stand up to him. These are stories that need to be told often, to give support to followers and students.
If you are caught in such a situation as a student, three things I suggest:
1) Recognize the duality that is present.
Meaning, honor the depth of truth you’ve received from the spiritual teachings, and the beingness of the teacher, while also acknowledging the lack of skillfulness and consciousness in organizational leadership.
Take time with both, and witness that both are present.
2) Find support outside your spiritual community.
Standing up for yourself can put your membership in the spiritual community at risk, if the leadership and other students don’t and can’t respond in a healthy manner. Finding friends and community outside of that spiritual circle means that you don’t feel your entire world is at risk if you were to stand up for yourself.
This may take time. Maybe it will take some months before you feel like you have support in place to stand up for yourself, and that’s okay. Note that if your entire world revolves around members of the spiritual community, that is definitely a fragile and vulnerable position to be in. It *can* be healthy, but more often it’s not, especially if you live in a pluralistic larger community.
3) Speak up for what you see.
Every spiritual teaching is meant to support someone stepping into strength, sovereignty, and their full selves. To do that often requires a surrender, but not a surrender to another human ego. Rather, a surrender of the little ego to the larger Divine perspective of Love, which can, at times, be a fierce love.
Even when you don’t feel the strength in you to speak up to others, speak up to yourself. Say it out loud to yourself. Feel the truth of it. That is an important first step.
There is so much more to say about being polite and grounded, but it’s far better to be messy and speak up, than to be polite and remain silent. Speaking up with firm politeness is the highest, but if you can’t attain that, speak up however you can.
I myself am a spiritual teacher running an organization. However, the people on the team at Heart of Business are not *my* students. We have not conflated my spiritual teachership with my organizational authority. Steve and Cathy and Yollana all have space to challenge and speak up, and they have. And I’m grateful, because my mistakes have been many.
4) Don’t abandon the Divine.
One of my teachers said, “For a sincere student, there are no false teachers.” This means that a sincere student is always seeking the truth, seeking to witness and experience the Divine behind any experience.
It’s all too easy to let an imperfect human teacher, as all human teachers are, sour us on the entire journey toward Love. But don’t let the imperfections of any of your guides define the boundaries of your own journey.
A sincere student can, with help, with time, with compassion, see through a teacher’s dysfunctions and find the Divine meaning and guidance that was in the situation, without surrendering to the dysfunction.
I have personally experienced this dysfunctional dynamic several times, in several contexts, and it’s been very painful. I also saw in my own heart how deeply I’m immersed on my path, almost without ego-based/conscious choice. The dysfunction I’ve witnessed doesn’t shake me on my path, but it does wake me up to what my heart is needing, and how I can show up with love and gentleness, with compassion and truth and justice.
p.s. Do you need to dive deep, get the jewels from your own heart, and then take them out into the world?
Please join me and a small group of compassionate, heart-centered business owners for a business-changing, heart-healing retreat this November. The Heart Sessions will be a deep dive, with a combination of spiritual practice, deep listening, and business strategy and coaching.
The delicious food and the amazingly gorgeous country-side that is upstate New York provide just the nourishment your heart and body needs to do this work.
For details click here: The Heart Sessions November Retreat with Mark
p.p.s. Small Group Coaching with Steve! (Or Mark, or Yollana)
Our Director of Education, Steve Mattus, who is an experienced spiritual healer and business coach in his own right, with years of experience helping business owners grow their practices, is launching a small coaching group. And, it’s already half full. There are only 3 spots left, as of this writing.
Intimate community of support, expert business guidance, heart-centered business growth. Grab one of the seats in Steve’s group before it fills up.
And, if for some reason you don’t exactly click with Steve, both Yollana and I have small group coaching available as well.
Click: Small Group Coaching
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13 Responses
Mark, this speaks to me very directly. I appreciate the clarity with which you distinguish spiritual and organisational abilities, and how you prise them apart. I particularly like ‘Even when you don’t feel the strength in you to speak up to others, speak up to yourself. Say it out loud to yourself. Feel the truth of it. That is an important first step.’ It is so powerful to dare to name something, and trust one’s seeing.
And also the guidance on recognising the duality. I’ve seen people throw away the whole basket, and with it the spiritual treasure, i.e. leave the path, because of not being able to see the duality and separate out the two aspects. I think also when spiritual teachers from the east come and live in the west they enter a steep learning curve regarding living in western culture, with all of its challenges. Thank you for the wisdom you keep bringing to this community.
Juliet- It is SO powerful to dare to name something and trust one’s seeing. May we all support each other to do this more and more.
Mark, this is well-balanced, thoughtful, and much needed wisdom. Thank you for sharing it. I love this: “It’s all too easy to let an imperfect human teacher, as all human teachers are, sour us on the entire journey toward Love. But don’t let the imperfections of any of your guides define the boundaries of your own journey.” I think that any of us who have had mentors, even in a non-spiritually-centered setting, have tasted the sourness of unaddressed dysfunction and the bitter after effects of disillusionment. And yes, recovery can be long and painful. I agree that it is SO important to establish both a culture and a system for keeping spiritual community leadership in integrity and your four key recommendations for doing this are spot on.
Jack- Thanks for the confirmation and validation! We can do better, but it’s okay that we’re imperfect- let’s help us all keep walking.
Thanks for this article, Mark. You know I’ve been there! 😉 And, in addition to your good distinction, another one really helped me understand what was going on, and what I wanted in future situations: the difference between Charismatic Leadership and Authorized Leadership. Charismatic Leadership is when someone is lifted into leadership because of their special qualities, not through actions like hiring, voting, or other authorized means of the organization or community. Therefore, there’s essentially no approved means for accountability if anything goes wrong. The trust in the leader isn’t backed up by any structures that could insist on accountability, so that when things go wrong, any response is based only on their personal willingness to be accountable. If the situation connects in any way with their shadow, the temptation to avoid accountability (which the community often abets, because they are in transference with their special leader) is extremely high. It’s a short next step to moving into a scapegoating dynamic, which is an unconscious way for a community to preserve its sense of righteousness in the face of critique. Which is why I counsel people to be careful with step #3, especially if you already have evidence that something is out of whack. Unconscious punishment of truth tellers can be intense. Again, thanks for your good article. It was a great relief to me when I was going through such a situation to be on a group call and hear you ask us if we had any negative feedback to offer. It was quite the healing moment for me.
Leslie- that’s a great distinction! I’m glad you have named it so clearly, and you’re right about the caution needed in speaking up. It can be really intense, and it can often be healthier, or safer, for someone to speak it to themselves, and then just quietly exit.
Oh my Goddess, thank you, thank you, thank you Mark for voicing this with such clarity.
This just happened to me in a huge way after immersing for 6 months in a group where exactly this was going on.
Its been painful, but you naming it is so affirming and gives me a way to consider how to move forward and what to voice.
I have already sought support outside the insular group.
Just amazing. Thank you divine for sending this one down through Mark.
Perfect timing. And Im sharing this blog with two others who were in the group with me to help them too.
Shelley! I’m so sorry you’ve been caught in this the last six months- it’s so, so painful. I’m glad that it was so helpful to you.
Wonderful blog, Mark.
Very enlightning and clear.
Yes, this is what is going on in many spiritual communities.
Your blog helped me to understand it better and thus have more compassion for it.
Madhu- I’m glad this was helpful. It’s a painful dynamic for sure.
Great Article.
If you study the history of humankind, you will find that the greatest minds to have ever walked on earth were those most sensitive to pain. Pain urged those individuals to ask questions and seek for answers. Pain pushed them to see life from an entirely different perspective.
Pain is such a doorway, Leena.
I welcome the lucidity with which you recognize profound and hierarchical capacities, and how you prise them separated. I especially like ‘Notwithstanding when you don’t feel the quality in you to talk up to others, talk up to yourself. Let’s assume it so anyone can hear yourself. Feel the reality of it. That is a critical initial step.’ It is so ground-breaking to set out to name something, and trust one’s seeing.
And furthermore the direction on perceiving the duality. I’ve seen individuals discard the entire bushel, and with it, the profound fortune, i.e. leave the way, in view of not having the capacity to see the duality and separate out the two viewpoints. I think likewise when otherworldly instructors from the east come and live in the west they enter a precarious expectation to learn and adapt in regards to living in a western culture, with the greater part of its difficulties. Much obliged to you for the insight you continue conveying to this network.