Super short one today, partially because I was at my mastermind retreat this past weekend in San Diego and I’m STILL wiped out. I had 10 years of traveling to these retreats from Oregon to Washington or California, and now I’m traveling from Ithaca, NY to San Diego, and whoosh… I hadn’t anticipated how much it took out of me.
But my mastermind buddy Molly Gordon told each of us, over and over again, as we were in the hot seat, that she “wasn’t impressed.”
Now, before you go thinking she’s mean, she’s not. She’s probably one of my best friends in the world at this point, and her wisdom and groundedness are legendary.
What she was saying, however, is a different take on what so many spiritual paths/teachers have said: to not get attached to your thoughts.
So if one of us was scared, or ashamed, or affected by something inside us, “Don’t be impressed by that.” Don’t be impressed by the fact that I’m scared. Don’t be impressed by the fact that I’m affected by it.
And that’s the important twist: it’s not about not being affected – we’re all affected, as human beings. But don’t be impressed. “Okay, so I got caught up in my thoughts and ended up feeling bad for an hour or a day. So what? I’m not impressed. Onward.”
This attitude of “not impressed” takes all of the drama out of the natural ups and downs of being in business.
So here’s the question: what if you weren’t impressed by whatever emotional spins you go into? What if they just were? And then you recovered, and you went on? Nothing to heal. Nothing to fix. Just a “Whoops… so I slipped, so what? Onward.”
What would be possible if you weren’t impressed? If your heart was unencumbered in that way? What do you notice in yourself?
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22 Responses
If I am understanding what you mean Mark, you are using, ‘don’t be impressed’ by the reactions I am having internally about whatever is going on for me and this means, don’t get caught up in the feelings and emotions that can last for hours about it? Let go of the tailspin I can get into and just be with the genuine emotions without adding anything more onto it?
Is that what Molly and yourself are referring to? I feel that there is something important in this for me so if you could add anything that might help me I would be grateful.
Yup, Daniela, that’s pretty much it. We do what we do as humans, and it’s not worth getting further caught up in it.
Well we cannot just release emotions without understanding where they came from and why we are caught on them for hours. Those are emotional blockages that need to be addressed and solved. When you are at work, those should be dealt faster because well… it’s work after all and it’s not on our personal time. Thank you for this great article Mark!
Zaria
Zaria- yes, great insights! Emotions need to be addressed, cared-for, not just released. 🙂
I also like this idea, although I\d like to find different words to describe it. The meaning of the words “don’t be impressed” in this context are confusing to me.
My greater concern, however, has to do with the consequences of whatever occurred that got me into a tailspin in the first place. Before I let it go, I want to check that whatever I did or said didn’t stimulate tailspins for others. In other words, I want to take responsibility for the consequences of my words or actions before I conclude “no big deal. I’ll just let it go.” If I stimulated pain, then I want to connect with other people affected first. Your thoughts?
My take is: dont make it a 911
Exactly, Laurel.
Ronnie- sure, if you cause pain to others, it’s good to follow up and check on them. However, that’s only possible to approach once one is out of the tailspin- otherwise you’re bringing the tailspin to the repair attempt and it can further complicate and burden the person who was, perhaps, injured.
Nothing to fix, I love it. not fixing is so fun, and takes up much less energy. So it might feel a little itchy sometimes, but then the next day it’s like geez, what was I so worried about?
Clare- exactly!
This brought to mind something you once told me on a call, Mark–something I’ve returned to repeatedly and which has been a pivotal piece in taking a difficult step.
You had just pushed a bit, encouraging me to assume a more fierce advocacy role in getting clients to sign up for a longer arc of work.
I was like: “It won’t be easy for me, but I’ll do it.” (The “not easy” part was all about about fear, shyness and such–not the details of my business.)
You replied with something along the lines of: “It really isn’t as hard as you think. Because that (resistance or feeling of difficulty) is just emotional.”
Some part of my mind really got that, and was like: “Oh. Okay. Let’s just do it then.”
Looking forward to trying out this expanded version: “It’s just emotional. I’m not impressed.”
Dana- BOOM! Exactly.
I very much like this idea of not being “impressed”, Mark. Just reminds me of how we have learned to walk as toddlers: If we would have been “traumatised” and “impressed” by every fall, we would never have learned to walk. Toddlers just get up and try it again… 🙂
Jutta- what a great example! It’s so true! Hey, I’m toddler, I fall, that’s what I do. And I get up again. Onward.
I’m impressed ! As always by the honesty and practicality of your teachings.
Thanjs
Thank you, Deb. 🙂
This resonates so clearly with me, Mark. My way of saying this is: “It’s just a pattern, nothing more.” And, “Whoops! For a moment I forgot who I really am.”
It’s the drama that becomes debilitating and convinces us we need to “heal” something. Yep, nothing to fix. So let’s go create!
Laurie- yes, yes!
Very timely message for me!
Nina- glad it was so timely. Me, too.
These words are so helpful. I imagine not allowing the thoughts or feelings to create an impressed image or pattern in the clay or malleable material of my life or to set a brain pattern. thanks. So useful.
Love this. I tried to ask my heart the question of “How am I going to do this again?” with sincerity and surrender and felt instantly re-energised: it’s all in the moment to moment contact with reality and drawing on our inner resources, laying down the path with every single step. Woohoo!