When my clients make big jumps in income, or in numbers or clients, or in ease of schedule, they are often really surprised by what happens to them.
Instead of just feeling happy and excited, which is also there, they more often feel really disoriented. Sometimes they want to cry, or shake, or react in other emotionally strong ways.
Coming into a new reality is often not the experience you think it will be.
One of our community members recently talked about wanting to raise her “financial thermostat,” a term which resonated with a lot of folks. What it means is that we get used to a certain level of… whatever, income, intimacy, connection, and changing to something new means resetting our internal sense of what is “normal.”
So critical! What happens when you don’t reset your thermostat?
The bad things that happen.
When you don’t reset your thermostat, I’ve seen (and done) some of these:
- You spend all the extra money that comes in, leaving you with less than you had before.
- You avoid responding to new opportunities, and let them drift away or otherwise disappear.
- You get irritable, snappy, and react to loved ones around you.
- You engage in unhealthy behaviors, trying to numb out, maybe around food, or other things.
And, you know, if you fall into this some, it’s okay. It’s not a disaster.
Yet, yet… there can be another way.
The other way: integration.
Here are some clear ways I advise my clients to integrate the really uncomfortable, disorienting experience that arises when your thermostat is reset and you step into a new reality.
1. Comfort first.
Your nervous system needs soothing, and some of the dysfunctional activities above are only dysfunctional when done to excess and/or unconsciously.
By all means, go out to dinner! Or watch a movie! Or have a treat! Let your enjoyment of the moment be a celebration of arrival at the next station in your journey!
2. Time and spaciousness.
Your nervous system needs to adjust, and that requires time and spaciousness. Your ego may want to keep pushing and growing and getting more, but what can happen is the rubber band effect- you keep stretching, and then *snap* back to something less than you started with.
Don’t push. Don’t go after more. Not yet. Rest. Take an afternoon or a day or week off. Breathe. Slow down. Do something unexpected, fun, joyous.
3. Use ritual to anchor yourself.
The wonderful thing about ritual is that it’s using time, space and attention in an unusual way. It’s about marking that something is different about this moment.
Ritual can be small and subtle, like lighting a candle, taking a salt bath, or making a prayer. It can be more elaborate, like having a ceremony of gratitude and grounding.
Taking time to ritually anchor and welcome in the new reality means that you are acknowledging in the core of your heart, of your being, that you are in a new place. It helps you recognize that things are different, that you will need to learn a different way of being to move in this new reality.
Breathing? Good!
A change in your reality doesn’t have to be large for you to benefit from this. Comfort, space and ritual can be applied in small doses for small changes, and large doses for large changes.
There’s a reason I have candles and an infuser, and a variety of sacred objects in my office. There’s a reason I sometimes just take time off.
Nourish yourself. When you make real shifts, your business needs you to care for your internal reality, so that you can continue to support your business’ development into something fun and profitable!
With love and care,
Mark Silver, M.Div.
Heart of Business, Inc.
Every act of business can be an act of love.
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26 Responses
Thanks for this, Mark. I totally relate to the rubber band effect and have experienced it several times over the years. I have been beating myself up for it, but having you name it as a common response is so helpful. I will be taking these suggestions to heart.
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