Is it integrity or perfectionism?

I’m so lucky! The clients and participants at Heart of Business are deeply caring, often extremely skilled practitioners of their art, and their commitment to what they do, to their clients, is inspiring as all get out.

Often, I hear them talk about how much they want for their clients, how much they want them to succeed, to get the outcomes they want, to have better lives. They give so much of themselves, often extra time at appointments, extra time in research, extra time in caring and thinking.

For many of them, it’s a matter of integrity. They don’t want to drop the ball on someone.

I want to live in a world where we’re willing to go extra for each of us.

However, this deep caring can fall over an edge of perfectionism that can create a lot of pain for them, and maybe for you, too.

That’s what today’s message is about- discerning in your heart and business between integrity and perfectionism, between caring and co-dependency.

What’s at stake?

Your sanity. A spaciousness in your life. Perfectionism can take over everything, having you work late hours, having you work really hard at small pieces, while big chunks of your business go ignored. It has you digging into things you know really well, and avoiding things that are uncomfortable or unfamiliar.

Perfectionism is a well-worn groove, an attempt to control the environment so that you’re safe.

Integrity, caring, is a vulnerability, a willingness to extend your heart, to care for people in ways that make a difference to them. This includes following through with what you’ve promised.

The discernment is understanding the difference between your promise to other people and the work you do to help you feel safe.

Creating a handout of notes you promised to your clients is integrity. Spending 20 hours making it “perfect” is maybe more about protecting yourself from any potential criticism?

The spiritual teaching here is two-fold.

First, that perfection is the province of the Divine, and that our human selves cannot attain true perfection. Which is meant as a relief to, as one of my teachers writes, “do your best and have trust.”

The second is that we cannot create true safety for ourselves through perfectionism. No matter how hard we work on something, someone can still be upset for any number of reasons.

This leads me to say, beloved, please be kind to your heart. Be kind to your work schedule, and be kind to your business. If you’re working hard on something, take a moment to breathe and notice, are you working hard trying to protect yourself? If so, stop. Ask your heart what it really needs to feel cared-for and safe.

Or, are you extending your heart in caring, are you showing up in integrity to what you promised and what’s important to you, at your core?

Please never stop caring. And please include yourself, so perfectionism doesn’t twist your caring into hurting yourself.

With love and care,

Mark Silver, M.Div.
Heart of Business, Inc.
Every act of business can be an act of love.

P.S. Free webinar on pay from the heart

A little over a year ago our caring and our integrity led me to make a big change in our business model, from primarily fixed prices, to pay from the heart.

It’s been an adventure! I want to share what we’ve learned over the several years that I’ve been experimenting with it in a free webinar on November 20. And yes, if you can’t make it, the recording will be available to all who register.

Register for it here: Adventures in Pay from the Heart

And please forward this to anyone you think needs to know about it.