How to ask questions that generate real answers

Normal business question: “Argh… what do I do? What’s wrong?”

Unfortunately, it’s totally unanswerable. For years I’ve watched folks ask questions that cannot be answered in any meaningful way.

It’s not their fault, or your fault, in our materialist world, very few people have been taught how to ask questions. and that’s what I want to share with you today.

Why? Because my spiritual path, and many other spiritual paths, teach that the question is more important than the answer. Many times guidance doesn’t come, even though the answer is *right* *there*, because the wrong question is being asked.

Let me share three very specific ways I see business owners sabotaging their questions, leaving them unable to access their own guidance in their heart, or good support and feedback from others.

The two ways questions are sabotaged

1. The question tangle.
The most common way is to take a whole bunch of questions, and tangle them into one unanswerable mess. Almost any generalized “What do I do???” question is going to be one of these.

Example: “My business isn’t working and I’m exhausted! What do I do?”

How many questions are tangled up in that? There’s so much that’s possible, and so many directions to go in, and so many missing details.

When you find yourself asking a question like this, slow down. Stop entirely. What are all the questions? I can pick out four immediately:

• How can I best nourish myself in this moment?
• What kind of emotional support do I need?
• How do I diagnose what’s going on in my business, so I can see where the trouble is?
• What does “working” look like to me? What’s the minimum of “working”?

Each of these questions is legitimate, and deserves it’s own time and attention. If you take your time with each question, it will lead you in the direction(s) you need to go. It will take time to untangle everything, but SO much faster than just spinning in the tangle of “What do I do?”

2. Questions that limit the answer.
A client asks, “I’m not filling my program! What price should I charge? Am I charging too little or too much?”

Do you see what happened there? The client assumed the reason people weren’t signing up had to do with the price. In this case, as I ignored the question and probed further, the guidance was really that they didn’t have the right audience or message, and the price was immaterial.

But that answer couldn’t come, because the question wouldn’t allow it.

This can also be spiritual in nature. “How do I heal my abundance issues!?” This assumes that you have abundance issues, and that’s what’s keeping the business from growing financially.

If you actually just have an ineffective marketing message, you can’t get the answer from the “How do I heal…” question, because maybe there is nothing to heal.

In these situations, it’s better to sit with the situation as it is, drop all of your assumptions of what the problem might be, and ask a more open-ended question, “What is needed to be in a healthy relationship with this program I’m trying to fill?”

Notice this is even more open-ended than, “What is needed to fill the program?” Maybe it’s just the wrong time for the program, and a healthy relationship is to let it go. When something is stuck, think in terms of relationship rather than in terms of doing.

What to do instead.

When phrasing questions of the heart, and of the business, there are three things I find important.

1. Details matter.
The exact same question can have very different answers depending on the details and the context. Bring in all the details and context when considering your question. In *this* situation, in *this* circumstance, what is needed?

It’s an unhealthy trend in personal development circles to dismiss details as “irrelevant story.” The healing is in the details. Even my Sufi sheikh would give very different answers to the same question from two different people, because for each person the medicine was different.

2. Find your sincerity and humility.
Too often a question is trying to find a way to protect reputation, or to salvage a situation so that someone won’t be embarrassed or look like a failure. The truth is that we all trip up all too frequently.

Avoid asking questions that attempt to control the situation, and instead ask from a place of sincerity, of humility, of curiosity about what is truly needed, regardless.

So often I’ve had to surrender and just face a mistake I’ve made, and then take a corrective action in full view of everyone. And you know what, we live through those, and learn, and get better.

3. Separate the emotional from the practical.
The emotional, or spiritual, side of things needs a different kind of care and attention than the practical, get-it-done side needs. If you’re sad, or grieving, or angry, or frustrated, bring attention and care to that.

Then, as a separate question, begin to look at what is truly needed. Too often business strategy is created partially or in whole as a way of managing emotions. Not useful! Care for your heart, and care for your business, each distinctly.

If you can avoid tangling your questions together into a knot, or asking them in a way that limits the answers, you’ll find answers come a LOT more easier, and that your heart really does know a whole lot.

With love,

Mark Silver, M.Div.
Heart of Business, Inc.
Every Act of Business Can Be an Act of Love.

P.S. Free PDF on asking for guidance.

I had mentioned this last week, but this is another use for the Backwards PDF I wrote: asking for guidance. In particular, it teaches the Heart-Centered Goal Planning approach, which has at its heart relationships instead of just more doing.

It’s a tremendously freeing way to approach setting goals.

You can find it here: Backwards

Share this freely- I’d love for everyone who needs this to have it.

P.P.S. Does your audience or community need a dose of heart-centered business wisdom with humor and depth?

The message of heart-centered business development is dear to my heart, and feels important in these times. In service to that, I’d be delighted to be a guest on a podcast, to host a live call with you, to show up at a conference, or speak at an event.

If you’re interested, or can introduce me to someone who might be, please leave comment or send us an email. 🙂