Hey there, beloved,
I’ve talked about “planting your flag”, about taking a stand for the things you believe in, both as a matter of conscience, and as a way of making yourself visible to the people who would be perfect clients.
When they see who you really are, the courage of your convictions, and your own point of view, they see the shared values you have, and are drawn to that. Trust and safety is built when your heart is visible.
Unfortunately, there’s something else that can happen, too, especially if you’re visible on social media platforms.
The trolls come out.
A troll is a term used to describe someone who is exercising bullying/harassing behavior online. This can be quite conscious or unconscious on the part of the troll, but it doesn’t matter either way.
I’m raising this because it happened on a recent post I made in Facebook. I was taking the usual stand I take against corporate capitalism, and someone came on deciding to try and defend burning the Amazon for profit, etc, etc. I won’t go into it.
This person continued posting lengthy, rambling replies even after I said, “Stop. I don’t want to hear any more. Post on your timeline. Keep posting and I’ll block you.”
Then he responded (of course it was a “he”), “You’re not being fair to me, not allowing me to defend my ideas.” Or whatever.
I responded, “I don’t have to be fair. This is my house, it’s my rules.”
That’s one of the messages I want you to hear today.
You don’t have to be “fair” in caring for your home.
You can shut people down who are being rude, who aren’t cherishing you or your social media space. People like that enjoy crying “censorship!” or “unfair!”
If you happen to be a media conglomerate, and can keep their voice silent from millions of people, yeah, okay, we’ll look at that “censorship” charge and consider it. (And still, racist, sexist nonsense can still be shut down.)
But if you happen to be your average micro business, reaching tens, hundreds or thousands of people, it’s not censorship. It’s just not allowing them to foul up your home.
You can set rules. You can block and delete people. You don’t owe them space. You don’t owe them your time and energy responding to them.
I’m not talking about allowing for respectful, diverse opinions and viewpoints. I’m talking about trolls, who aren’t cherishing the space, and aren’t being respectful.
Delete and block them. Don’t give them your heart or your time.
So that’s one message, here’s another one.
Some people are more vulnerable than others.
A member of the Learning Community asked about this, and explained that her business had a very fledgling presence on social media, and she was worried about losing the few people she had, by being strong with her opinions.
I’ve said this for years on behalf of our clients who are women or people of color, or trans or vulnerable in any number of ways. I first learned this in the queer community, where you learned to respect each person’s decision about when and how or if to come out of the closet. Because they were the ones to have to deal with the consequences.
You get to protect and care for yourself in any way you want. If you want to cherish privately some of your more strongly held opinions and perspectives, while you build up your business and gain your feet, do that.
If you want to dance around controversial issues, because you don’t have the time, energy or resilience to deal with any blow-back, then dance dance dance!
I want your business to thrive. I want you to gather a following of folks who cherish what you’re up to. I want you to have a solid financial foundation and a waiting list of clients.
Because then you can express yourself fully without many of the same concerns.
Yes, you may still be vulnerable. Yes, you may still get blowback. But it’s when your business is moving into more momentum, and you have folks who are already cheerleading you.
We’re all so tender. We all need such care. And we’re moving through this traumatized and traumatizing culture the best we can. Let’s hold hands, let’s weave love and care around each other. Let’s emerge as we can, on the foundations of love and support we’re weaving for each other.
The troll? I unfriended him, and was on the verge of blocking him, when he blocked me. So that ended well.
I’d love to hear your experiences in claiming your social media space, and in caring for yourself.
With love,
Mark Silver, M.Div.
Heart of Business, Inc.
Every act of business can be an act of love.
P.S. Small group coaching- Business Heart Power!
I happen to have some space for the right people to join my small group coaching. It’s a wonderful way to get plenty of individual care and attention, within a small group. It’s specifically for heart-centered folks whose businesses are beyond start-up, but are not really flying. Common things we work on have to do with strengthening sovereignty and inner resources, honing marketing to make it really effective, and creating the business model that can make you really profitable.
It’s fun, no more than 6 people max, and it does cost less than individual coaching. We meet two Tuesdays each month, noon-1:30pm eastern.
If you’re interested, take a look: Mark’s Silver’s Power Group.
41 Responses
Beautifully expressed, Mark. I had the experience of someone being quite vitriolic about an article I wrote but without offering any details about how it might be better. I found it quite hurtful but I decided to meet the negative energy with love.
I asked politely what suggestions he had to help improve what I had written and said I was perfectly willing to consider anything positive he had to offer. He replied with the same venom.
Then it struck me that none of it was personal. This man (yes, it was a man) was in pain and was striking out. If he didn’t strike out at me, he would strike out at someone else. I realised that there was probably no way to have a meaningful conversation with him.
I was prepared to block him from my social media community so he didn’t hurt anyone else, but he simply disappeared, perhaps moving on to vent somewhere else. It was a lesson to me. It isn’t personal, even though it feels like it is. And yes, I do need to keep ‘my house’, my community, a safe place for those who are willing to engage in a peaceful, accepting, loving environment.
David
So beautiful, David. Not the painful interaction, obviously, but the way you handled it, and the outcome, and the realization. We need to care for each other, and our spaces.
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I always wonder if the trolls and keyboard warriors would have the guts to come up and say it to your face? I know it doesn’t make it any better. The ‘power’ social media has given people is unreal. Thank you for speaking out, in doing so you’ll give a lot of courage to others.
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Peoples who are negative all the time they love to do trolling other people’s, it’s a bad habit which need to be fixed
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Someone recently said… The internet is the only place where mice roar like lion.
Thanks for beautifully expressing your point and we definitely have the right to protect our home and never be fair, thereby standing up for what we believe in.
Wonderfully stated, Mark. I have faced such trolls online and most times it takes great patience to carefully and professionally handle them. Thanks a lot I really enjoy reading your articles
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Hi Mark Silver,
Thanks for beautifully expressing your point and we definitely have the right to protect our home and never be fair, thereby standing up for what we believe in. Once again thanks a lot and please be continue.
I am a big fan of your writing. Your knowledge and vision to see the things really inspired me a lot. I am also working on my writing skills and looking forward to making my courier into it…
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I really don’t like social media trolls. Even peoples troll me when I mistake grammar. that is so bad
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Social media is a big responsibility and some don’t understand this.
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