One of our clients had put out an offer they were feeling vulnerable about, and one of the responses they had back was, “How come this is so expensive?”
Naturally enough, that provoked a defensive reaction in our client. Of course it did, it would take a lot of groundedness in the best of times to not react strongly.
I’ve seen this happen with so many people, and it used to happen exactly this way with me, years ago.
However, our client brought the question to me, and I was able to support her in navigating through it.
Here’s what we did.
First, care for your own reaction.
There’s no need to reply immediately. A reply can sit even for a day or two while you care for your own reaction. This often involves feeling the defensiveness, the vulnerability, the anger and sadness and fear, everything that comes up.
With some care, those immediate reactions pass, and it’s not so painful.
See behind the question.
The person who had sent the email was upset, but why? It couldn’t have had anything to do with our client personally, because they didn’t know our client at all, except from the emails they had read. Instead, I guessed that maybe this person actually really wanted the service being offered, and was feeling stuck about the price, upset maybe that it wasn’t accessible, or as easily accessible as they had hoped.
Seeing the care and frustration behind really helps to open the heart.
We all have defensive coping strategies. Some people collapse and blame themselves, “Oh, if I hadn’t been so stupid, I’d have enough money for this.” Others lash out, “Oh, if you weren’t so greedy, I could have enough money for this.”
Either way, it’s an unhealthy reaction. Once you can see this, it’s so much easier to react with compassion, knowing that someone is just hurting, trying to get their needs met, and have fallen into an unconscious reactive pattern.
Answer with kindness and clarity.
I had advised our client not to justify the price, but to maybe put it in context. “Thank you for being interested! I get that the price may have been surprising to you. You may be imagining that this offer is something really easy for me to do, but in fact it’s highly personalized to each client, and the price reflects that care. I’d be happy to jump on a short call if it’s useful to help discern whether this would be useful to you at this price.”
The person reacted well to this offer! The kindness and compassion meant that the reactivity could melt, and they could meet the offer with kindness as well.
Bonus insight: written replies can easily be misread.
Have you ever seen those actors’ exercises where they are reading the same line, but with many different styles/emotions/meanings of delivery? We can read into the written word based on the voices and beliefs in our own head. “How come this is so expensive?” could be said with a smile or a frown, with fear or anger or sadness.
Whenever you read a response to your business that feels unkind, pause, drop into your heart, and imagine someone you love saying the same thing with a friendly smile on their face. Notice what happens.
Everyone has a heart.
Both you and your potential clients have hearts, you both are allowed your reactions, even the unenlightened reactions. As the business owner, it serves you and the world better if you can work with your own reactions and don’t release them unhealed onto your potential clients. But not by shutting yourself down, just by taking the time to drop back into your heart before replying with kindness.
With love and appreciation,
Mark Silver, M.Div.
Heart of Business, Inc.
Every act of business can be an act of love.
P.S. Mark on a podcast
I sometimes forget to share when I show up on a podcast or elsewhere. Jenny Blake recently had me on her Free Time podcast, and we had a great deal of fun discussing how to be sustainable in having a business, the Pay from the Heart pricing model, among other things. I really love her presence, and you might, too!
Here’s the episode:
Free Time episode with Mark Silver
I love being on podcasts and in other venues- it’s so fun to go deep into a topic with a big hearted person. If you have a podcast and want me as a guest, I’d be delighted to hear from you. Or if you know someone with a podcast and want to recommend me, I’d be so grateful..
