A topic that seems to have popped up a lot lately is making the hard decisions. How do you know the “right” thing to do? Some of us guess, some of us try to figure things out, and a lot of us try to access what can be called “guidance,” or “intuition.” When you are faced with a deadline and a big decision, how do you avoid mis-stepping?
I had a client I was talking with recently, who had big questions about her career. Which of two opportunities would put her where she “was supposed to be?” Or another client, who was struggling with the hiring process, “Do I hire this guy? And how do I know I’m making the right decision?”
These can be paralyzing situations. What’s worse, is when you believe that you know the choice you need to make, and yet you just can’t, don’t, won’t make it. Putting it off, avoiding it. It’s too overwhelming.
How can we make the right decisions in a less painful way?
In order to do this, we have to challenge the word “right.”
People have different ways of describing “right.” Some may say that “right” means “doing what I am meant to be doing.” “Right” may mean “it will come out the way I want it to.” To some of you, “right” means “I’m doing what God what wants me to do.”
Whatever your version of “right,” if you look carefully at it, you may find that what you are saying is, “I need to get the right answer, so I can be in the right place, and get the right stuff, so that everything will finally be okay.” If you miss, you’re doomed. Does this feel familiar?
This can be a subtle thing that happens to our questions. I’ve been very surprised that even when I thought I was being pretty open in the questioning process, I’ve found a little tightness in my belly that told me I was running the “right or doomed” program.
The result of asking your questions, or making decisions from this attitude? Fear, indecision, hastiness, lack of certainty, maybe false certainty that gnaws at you. Even if you make the “right” decision, it feels more like luck, and your uncertainty may sabotage even the best steps in the “right” direciton.
Could you see how this might lead to ineffective decision-making, and heartburn? Oy!
Let’s look a little deeper behind the decision-making process. Why do we not know what to do? The lack of an answer reveals a distance in a relationship. If you were intimately acquainted with the subject, you wouldn’t have any questions. The first thing to then understand is that your lack of clarity coupled with a need to know is actually signalling a desire to have a more connected relationship with the source of the subject matter.
There are three steps necessary to having this more connected relationship in a way that gives you guidance for your next step.
* The first step that is necessary, is to see a deeper truth about yourself.
Using the example of my client in the hiring process, when she stopped and used the Remembrance to see herself more deeply, she realized that although she needed the support that filling the position would offer, it wasn’t as desparate a situation as she originally saw. She actually found strength and leadership in herself that she hadn’t seen before.
* The second necessary step, is to see a deeper truth about the options you are choosing from, each in turn.
Again, using the Remembrance, she saw that although the potential hire was a nice guy, and in some ways qualified, with high scores on the interview test, that he had a particular personality and way of being. Nothing wrong with it, but she looked and with the Remembrance she was able to see this clearly.
* The third necessary step, is to see what is the truth of the appropriate relationship between the two deeper truths of yourself, and the option.
When my client looked at what was the natural and appropriate relationship for the truth of the store and the truth of the potential employee, she saw that the appropriate relationship was not to have one, and she chose not to hire him.
The end result? She stepped into a stronger place of leadership with her business and with herself in that moment. She lost a bit of her fear of leadership, and this created a closer, more fulfilling relationship with her business, with her heart, and with the Divine. And she was able to take this next step in confidence, without the apprehension and nervousness that she had previously.
The most appropriate decision, and excellent results, arises out of a healthy relationship. And a healthy relationship arises out of the appropriate interaction of the deepest truths we can witness. The closer we are to witnessing the Divine in ourselves and in our options, the easier it is to discern the appropriate relationship between them, and to discern the next step.
Take the pressure off- don’t worry about the “right” answer. Instead, use the Remembrance to look closely at your heart, and at the essence of what you are deciding about, and let the truth of the appropriate relationship between the two arise.
Keys to Making the “Right” Decision
* If you’re not clear, you’re not clear. As I always say, if you don’t have clear guidance, don’t follow it. I learned as a paramedic that there are very few “true” emergencies- most decisions can wait longer than you think. Give yourself the time to make a decision properly. It will be far more efficient in the end to give yourself the time you need, than it will be to make a hasty decision and then clean up the mess afterwards.
* Get specific. A question like “What should I do with my career?” is far too general to get good, specific answers. Look at the options in front of you, and spend time in Remembrance to discover the relationship between you and the next step. Long-term vision is good, but it doesn’t always help with immediate decisions, because sometimes we make choices that seem to lead us away from our vision, when in fact it’s a shortcut.
For instance, if your heart tells you to spend more time in an organization when you know you want to be out on your own, perhaps there are skills to learn, and resources to accumulate that will help you be successful on your own more quickly when you get there.
* Be creative. Sometimes the choice our heart wants to be in relationship with isn’t part of the multiple-choice line-up we’ve presented. Make sure you have at least five options to choose from when you get really stuck.
