A lot of business development advice does not pay any attention to the difference between harmful and uncomfortable. A lot of it tells you that it’s all just “uncomfortable” and you need to push through.
The truth is, there is a lot in business that is genuinely harmful. Unethical sales and marketing tactics, brutal focus on productivity to the exclusion of human needs, the isolating focus on individualism…
I’ve been a long time advocate of avoiding the harmful, because we need love, we need to be healthy.
However, there is also plenty in business that is actually just fine, and even healthy. But, it may have emotional content for us personally that is uncomfortable. You don’t want to mislabel that and call it harmful.
I’m not including in that things that re-trigger trauma responses. That’s clearly harmful, even if the triggering event would not be without that history. You know yourself best, we care for ourselves according to our individual needs.
Because the avoidance and discomfort may seem really similar, it can be challenging at first to discern between harmful and uncomfortable, but it’s really important to allow yourself to lean in and embrace this process in whatever way you need to.
The key to the whole process
The key to the whole process is being able to lean in to the emotional discomfort, and look at what is actually being asked.
For instance, one might have a learned revulsion to marketing. And when someone suggests that you lie, use high-pressure sales tactics such as making people decide quickly to get a “fast action bonus,” or other unethical tactics, you can see for yourself that it’s unethical. The emotional response was justified, and even without a strong emotional response, the strategy would cause your heart harm, and would harm others.
However, that same learned revulsion to marketing might have you avoiding mentioning your business, who you help, and the wonderful results clients get, even when you’re invited to. The strong emotional reaction is there, but when you look at the actions, you can see that it’s not unethical, and that you can follow through in alignment with your strongest held values.
The first example is harmful, the second example is actually beneficial but uncomfortable.
Our client
One of our clients was facing just such a distressing marketing task, needing to reach out and network with folks. This actually applies to quite a few clients over the last months.
In one example, the client realized that the emotional yuck came up because she had been networked with so badly, people just pitching her to buy things without any real connection. Blah.
Feeling her emotions, and her physical reactions, her nervous system began to feel soothed. Then looking squarely at what’s needed, especially in the context of our teachings around Heart-Centered Networking from our Learning Community, she realized there was no reason to have to network in that way, that she could do it in an authentic, heart-centered way, and still be effective.
Our client demonstrated the process I’m outlining below. A relatively simple one that you may already be familiar with, but in its simplicity it’s powerful, and easy to apply.
The process.
In so many of the classes I teach, I name one of the most important human skills is to be able to be with uncomfortable emotions, without needing to fix them or otherwise get rid of them. Emotions need to be honored, and they bring us important information, as well as make our human lives so rich.
However, without the ability to be with our emotions, our lives can become a tangled mess, or very small, as we avoid anything that *might* be harmful, instead of looking to see if it is actually harmful.
Caveat that physical danger is different. It’s necessary to make yourself safe first if possible, and then discern whether you are actually in harm’s way.
However, for this context, voluntarily taking on business development projects and tasks, we’re not talking about physical harm as a risk, although our emotional body has trouble discerning.
Try it now, with something you’re facing in your business, something you suspect needs to be done, but you feel really resistant or uncomfortable about it.
First, feel the emotions, the physical response in your body. Tight belly? Fear? Stories of how terrible it is? There’s so much space to feel that way. Breathe and focus on the physical sensations in your body, letting them be there. Notice that those sensations aren’t fatal. That it’s okay to be with them.
This may take a little while depending on how much emotion is up, and your ease in navigating these kinds of things.
Once you start to feel some ease at having the discomfort in your body, start to look at what it is you are actually facing. What are the facts, the details, of what you are facing doing.
Are they unethical? Will you run the risk of being physically harmed?
Are you lacking information about them, and maybe just don’t know what’s needed to follow through, and instead you’re reacting to what you’re imagining you might need to do, but might not need to do?
If unethical, is there perhaps another way to get done what you are facing that is ethical and in alignment with your heart?
What do you need to face the discomfort?
What, you mean it’s okay to get support in facing discomfort? Yes, absolutely. even when you have stories that “it’s no big deal,” or “I shouldn’t need help with this, it’s so simple…”
It’s okay. Ask your heart, what support do you need so you can face the discomfort? Maybe you need the support of a caring friend or colleague to sit with you while you do it the first few times. Maybe you need a healthy meal, or a nap, or contact with nature.
Maybe you need the permission to do it in small steps and then check in. Maybe you need to learn more about it, so you really know what’s involved, instead of guessing.
You probably won’t always need this level of support, but give it to yourself at this starting point. And, you may discover it may just be more fun with support. It’s one of the reasons we have co-working calls in our Learning Community, so people feel supported in getting through even simple and mundane business tasks.
The basics are feel the emotion, leave what’s harmful, then get support to embrace what’s uncomfortable but beneficial.
Our members do this every day, every week.
Well, I hope not every member is doing it every single day, because that would be exhausting. But each day, at least some of our members are facing beneficial but uncomfortable business development tasks, with support.
And hopefully it won’t scare you off when I tell you that many of them learn to love what they were initially so uncomfortable with. Not because they’ve run roughshod over their hearts, but because they’ve found that they can do business in a way that is deeply nourishing, and still be effective.
We’re open to new members through August 29. And, August 30, September 6 and 13, I’m supporting members with the sometimes uncomfortable project of creating compelling content for their business.
If you resonate, please join us. Pay from the heart pricing, and So. Much. Support. to get done exactly what your business needs.
Take a look: The Heart of Business Learning Community
Ask any questions, we’d love to help you fly.
